"Simply not solvent!

Seaxwyn

Thanks all. I'm pretty much decided that I will pay it off tomorrow. There is more in the ISA, so we have some reserves (though not much).

I wish I knew what was the best motivator for OH. The potential crisis MIGHT make him wake up a bit more, or it might just demoralise him further. So far nothing has given him the debt-busting focus we all have.

chevalier

Sorry if this is a bit harsh Seax, but it seems to me that YET AGAIN, you are paying of HIS debts. You pay off yours by scrimping and saving, yet he doesn't really help you with this. The only reason he got the college job, in my opinion, was because he finally saw that you were at DEFCON 1 about finances.

So now the most expensive debt is HIS, and you want to pay it off. But has he learnt from it to ensure he doesn't 'just got another small loan dear'. To me my idea of a small loan is £500 but maybe small to him is £5000. Has he really had enough of a lightbulb to effectively let him off paying this money back? Or would you be paying it off anyway just in monthly installments.

Like I said it has been a crap day, so maybe I am seeing a darker picture than I should, but it always seems to be that you are struggling and scrimping etc to pay stuff off asap, and he swans around regardless spending continually spending money you don't have, and then getting surprised when you are upset.

Just ignore this if you want, normal service will be resumed tomorrow yawn.
chev

Seaxwyn

Thanks Chev - there is a lot of truth in what you write - which is why I didn't pay off this loan a year ago and why I still have some reservations.

However - he is not borrowing more money. He doesn't have any access to credit so there is no chance of him borrowing any more. So once he's not earning, he will have to stop spending.

I'm going to sleep on this.

hypno06

Don't let it disturb your sleep though - that won't help you in the morning at all xx

Seaxwyn

Well I've just been out to the shed (OH's hideyhole) for a major nag, and stood over him while he wrote a list of things to do tomorrow. Most of which could have been done weeks if not months ago. I'll assess his compliance tomorrow and decide about the loan based on that.

But I am being a tad hypocritical as there are things I could do too. Like I haven't rung that durned PR company I mentioned weeks back. Task for tomorrow.

OH is not all bad. I hate to sound so critical. He made a fabulous storecupboard dinner tonight - enough for tomorrow's packed lunches and dinner too. And now he is outside in the rain picking the slugs off our vegetables.

Also, I have just sold two Amazon books, for £18 (before postage).

Onwards and upwards.

hypno06

Onwards and upwards indeed.

I hope tomorrow is productive for you both x

buddiebabe

Hey Seaxwyn

Sorry your having such a hard time at the moment with all the decisions you have to make...

Was reading the post about your OH doing the shopping in Tesco and spending all that money. I took my BF to Morrisons the other day to do a weekly shopping as he'd given me money for shopping and i had a £5 off when you spend £30 voucher so picture the scene im wandering around with the calculator on my phone adding up everything thats going into the trolley.... at this point he's having fun telling me the prices so anyway we have about 7 things in the trolley and i ask him to guess how much we'd spent so far and he was like about £5.00 (now bearing in mind he's been giving me the prices) the total was £15.00.... when i told him he looked at me then looked at the trolley then said how come we've spent so much and then decided we didn't need half the things in the trolley so started to put them back :rotfl: :rotfl: i had a good laugh and we started at the beginning of the supermarket again and as im putting things in the trolley that are on the shopping list im getting 20 questions do we need it? how much is it? I was beginning to think i was getting through to him until we'd bought everything on the list and i only needed to spend another 50p to get the £5 off so i told him how much we had to spend and that he could pick something for himself.... he came back with a box of mini muffins at £1.99 ... i just didn't have the heart to say no!!!!

Next time im going shopping myself :rotfl:

I hope that gave you a bit of a laugh.... it makes me smile everytime i think about it.

Keep ur chin up
Buddiebabe x

Karmacat

Since I'm single, this is kind of foreign territory to me... but this is such a regular thing, I'm beginning to think its about culture/sexual identity... I know it would be heartbreaking to me to see my efforts thrown away by constant seeming carelessness by my OH, who loves me in so many other ways. Obviously there are exceptions, and other roles, but this certainly seems to be one role..... what do you think? Am I out of order? When so many women on here describe this kind of stuff with their OH, *something* is going on.... What do the people in the middle of it think?

Pushing the reply button with a *lot* of worry here....

Verbatim

How are things today seax? Hope you're both feeling motivated and lucrative work comes your way soon.

karma, dunno. you could be on to something. My OH and I have pretty similar outlooks around money so it's not something we argue about. Everything else but not money.......

Our debt problems weren't caused by reckless spending just huge changes in circumstances at the wrong moment.

ZTD

Karmacat wrote: »

Since I'm single, this is kind of foreign territory to me... but this is such a regular thing, I'm beginning to think its about culture/sexual identity... I know it would be heartbreaking to me to see my efforts thrown away by constant seeming carelessness by my OH, who loves me in so many other ways. Obviously there are exceptions, and other roles, but this certainly seems to be one role..... what do you think? Am I out of order? When so many women on here describe this kind of stuff with their OH, *something* is going on.... What do the people in the middle of it think?

Pushing the reply button with a *lot* of worry here....

I don't think it's anything to do with sexual identity, but more a factor of probability combined with stability.

If you divide the population into those that spend more than the average, and those that spend less than the average, then the chances of having a couple who are on "opposite sides of the fence" is twice that of having couples who are both frugal, or who are both spendthrifts.

If you then mix in the fact that a relationship where both partners are spendthrifts is not sustainable over the long-term - then you can see that even more relationships are going to end up with a frugal/spendthrift mix.

And lets face it - if both partners are frugal - they are less likely to be on this board. And you need at least one frugal minded partner to be on this board anyway. So this board is rather self-selecting.

I hope that makes sense.