Ex wants help buying furniture......

pigpen

I'd try the local freecycle/freegle and ebay see if HE can pick up some bargains.

I wouldn't pay a bean towards it.. she is his daughter and if he wants her to stay over then he makes that possible.

Person_one

cymru01 wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies. I probably will offer to help with buying furniture after taking everything into account. But just to clarify, he won't be contributing anything towards the mortgage for the time I'm in the house, I will be responsible for paying all of it. Also he does work full time on a much higher wage than myself.

Thanks You!

The two bolded bits change things.

3v3

cymru01 wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies. I probably will offer to help with buying furniture after taking everything into account. But just to clarify, he won't be contributing anything towards the mortgage for the time I'm in the house, I will be responsible for paying all of it. Also he does work full time on a much higher wage than myself.

In which case, he pays for it himself Your wage needs to pay for your mortgage and the living standards of you and your daughter.

As you said in your earlier post:

He has agreed to not sell the house for at least 3 years in order for me to get organized financially

When you are "organised financially" then you will be in a position to help him out

dirtysexymonkey

cymru01 wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies. I probably will offer to help with buying furniture after taking everything into account. But just to clarify, he won't be contributing anything towards the mortgage for the time I'm in the house, I will be responsible for paying all of it. Also he does work full time on a much higher wage than myself.

Thanks You!

these might change things. depends on what hes paid into the house. if theres a lot of equity in it that hes mostly paid ie put down a large deposit or paid more than 50% of it while he did live there, which he is forgoing in order to allow you to remain then you should probably still help.
that said if he has more disposable income than you then you probably shouldnt without making him pay it back when you buy him out/sell the house. for instance its perfectly possible that rent is much higher where you live than a mortgage, and after hes paid you cm and his rent/bills that hes actually got less than you. and after benefits, cm and your wage you could be on more than him.

Tiddlywinks

You ended the relationship - he has left (he could have insisted on staying) and needs to set up a new home.

Why shouldn't you help him? He should not have to pay all of the start-up costs because he has had to leave his home.

The fact that he is not forcing a sale (regardless of his not continuing to pay the mortgage) means that he does not have the capital from any equity to fund buying the stuff.

You should want to help him out - not just do it because you have to.

mummyroysof3

i would offter to help towards a bed so she can sleep there. surely at least to start with he doesnt need to keep anything there and you can send her with what she needs clothes and toys wise, he can buy things gradually to keep there as he can then

RadoJo

pigpen wrote: »

I'd try the local freecycle/freegle and ebay see if HE can pick up some bargains.

I wouldn't pay a bean towards it.. she is his daughter and if he wants her to stay over then he makes that possible.

But by the same token, their daughter has a right to see her dad, so making that as easy as possible for her would be the ideal way to go about it. Don't think of it as doing something for him, think of it as a way to make sure that the impact on your daughter is minimised, and keeping your split as amicable as possible for her sake.

January20

cymru01 wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies. I probably will offer to help with buying furniture after taking everything into account. But just to clarify, he won't be contributing anything towards the mortgage for the time I'm in the house, I will be responsible for paying all of it. Also he does work full time on a much higher wage than myself.

Thanks You!

What???
No you shouldn't help him, for the 2 reasons in bold above and then because:

He is taking half the furniture you as adults use.
You will incur daily expensive being the parent with care.
The furniture in your daughter's room is hers - out of the equation! You shouldn't feel that he needs half of it.

All he needs for her is a bed - he could get one on freecycle. If he has to buy a bed for her they are very cheap from places like Ikea!

Will he be paying you maintenance towards the care of your child?

Just because you ended it and he agreed to leave doesn't mean you have to be made to feel guilty into giving him money.

In any case, I don't think you should give him money. It might set a precedent where he comes back for more money. What will he want money for next? feeding her? buying her clothes? presents?


ETA: yes the daughter has a right to see her dad. She doesn't have to have overnight stays to see her dad though...

suki1964

Jeez, its your daughter we are talking about here. Find the money and help get her a decent bedroom to stay in when shes visiting, it wont kill you or break the bank

Regardless of who owns what, whos paying for what, who done what - your daughter should be put first

Nothing needs to be expensive and of the best quality as if its only being used once or twice a week it wont get the wear so B&M or argos have some lovely bits that will look the part

3v3

suki1964 wrote: »

Jeez, its your daughter we are talking about here. Find the money and help get her a decent bedroom to stay in when shes visiting, it wont kill you or break the bank

Regardless of who owns what, whos paying for what, who done what - your daughter should be put first

Nothing needs to be expensive and of the best quality as if its only being used once or twice a week it wont get the wear so B&M or argos have some lovely bits that will look the part

But ... those same arguments equally apply to the Dad, do they not? He earns more than the mother; it's for his ease of access, is it not? Mother has a room/bed/space for her daughter; won't kill the Dad or break his bank either! So, maybe it is *he* who should be putting his daughter first and not asking for a financial contribution from the mother to supply *his* needs?

Your argument works *both* ways