Ex wants help buying furniture......

cymru01

Hi,

I wonder if someone could give me a little bit of advice please. I have recently split up with my boyfriend (who is dad to our 2 year old daughter) and he has agreed to move out of the house we share (jointly owned) until we sell at a later date, but because he wants to have our daughter over to stay at his new place has asked me for money towards buying bed, wardrobe etc for her 'new' room. My initial recation was no way, but then he said that he was doing us a favour by moving out (especially as it was me who finished the relationship), and it was only fair that I paid towards the new stuff as I was keeping all the stuff in her room at home now that he contributed half for.

What should I do?!

Thanks

WestonDave

Depends how you look at it really doesn't it. If you look at it as him wanting money to accommodate his child then it seems mean. If you look at it as part of the sharing out of furniture etc i.e. you keep the nursery furniture he gets more money from the sale (be it paid now or on sale) then maybe its not unreasonable. Trouble is its hard for anyone external to advise without looking at how everything is being split up.

RAS

Suggest you starts by checking out www.freegle.co.uk and freecycle.

cymru01

At the moment all he's getting regarding furniture is anything he paid for, and then we are splitting the rest 50/50 (except things that our daughter uses) so he's taking half the wardrobes in the house, I'm keeping the sideboard while he takes the bookcase etc

He has agreed to not sell the house for at least 3 years in order for me to get organized financially, although from what I can gather from other pages on the web he doesn't have the right to sell the house without me co-operating anyway (as it's jointly owned)

So I should probably pay something towards the furniture then you think?
Thanks

dirtysexymonkey

do you want him to move back in? he has that right. if hes having to leave his home and find extra money for a new house so that he can care for his daughter due to a decision that you (not he, not you both) made then you should absolutely pay. if you can. why not compromise and loan it to him so youll be repaid out of his half when the house is sold? will he still be paying half the mortgage too? if so then you should pay imo.

BitterAndTwisted

If he's going to continue contributing to the mortgage for the next three years I'd say that you should help him furnish his child's room at the very least.

3v3

I don't think it's a case of "should" you pay towards it. You are not *obliged* to pay for it or towards it. But, if you *want* to help him out then you should - doesn't really matter what anyone here thinks.

Is he earning? If so, he could soon save up and buy a bed. Does he have parents/siblings/aunts/uncles? If he is very short of funds, could he ask them to help out? He wants to have daughter over to stay ... he needs to make provision for that.

the_cat

For the sake of a small amount of money for furniture, I think it sensible to agree and keep things amicable.

That said, if he is taking wardrobes etc from the house why would he need to buy another? its not as if the child will be keeping a full complement of clothing in it if she is visiting for a day or two. A bed is obviously needed but needn't be too expensive. A base can be bought second hand and then a cheapish new mattress (matressman online is very good imo) is all that is really needed. Doubtless he will want other stuff, but imo it is only fair that you share the 'needs' and he pays for the 'wants' himself

Person_one

Its in your daughter's best interests that her parents stay on good terms and that she has a safe and comfortable place to stay with her dad. Unless he can easily afford furniture for her and you think he's only asking out of spite, or unless you genuinely can't afford any furniture then I'd buy a few bits for them. Just make sure you don't start too much of a pattern!

CH27

For the sake of keeping things amiable I would say buy the furniture & ensure your daughter has nice things at daddy's house.

cymru01

Thank you for all the replies. I probably will offer to help with buying furniture after taking everything into account. But just to clarify, he won't be contributing anything towards the mortgage for the time I'm in the house, I will be responsible for paying all of it. Also he does work full time on a much higher wage than myself.

Thanks You!