Friend's wife could be up to no good - what to do?

srebbe64

A very good friend came to see me over the weekend - we went out for an Indian! The chap has been married about 12 years and is earning good money. Could tell he wasn't right and he got quite emotional when I enquired of his wellbeing. Long and short of it is as follows:

He's been married 12 years - he delegates all finances to his wife - joint accounts (savings, tax account and current account);

He earns a lot more than he spends but when he checks his balances they never seem to go up;

He finds his bank statements (filed by his missus) but several pages are missing in each account - same months missing in each (4 out of 12 months);

He went into bank and checked on the system and tens of thousands is being moved around to several bank accounts - some to his own accounts and some he knows nothing of;

He requests an online access password - and it never turns up. He requests another and that doesn't show up (post is received mid morning while he's at work);

He stumbles across some correspondence to his missus from other banks confirming she has opened accounts with them;

She has previously bought bonds and when they've matured she's paid them back into their saving account - he's convincing himself that that's what she's doing;

So how do I convince him to get onto it ASAP - he's suspicious but doesn't want to upset his missus if everything really is above board???? In my view he needs to think of, say, three killer questions which won't ruin his relationship with her if everything is pucker. Personally, if it were me, I'd give all the evidence to an accountant/lawyer and then transfer the monies to a private account while it's being investigated. Answers on a postcard.

Tropez

Nobody should be that clueless as to what is going on with their money. While it may all be above board your friend should be taking a much more active interest in where the money is going and what is being done with it. His wife should not be upset if all the money is accounted for and there is nothing wrong and therefore he should not be afraid to simply ask where X amount of money has gone particularly because if his wife were to die he would need to know everything about the accounts.

Gavin83

I'd simply say that the balance of the accounts aren't going up and ask her where it's going seeing as she's controlling the finances and see what she says. Then he should say he wants more of an active involvement and ask her to go through it with him.

How long has this been going on for? How's their marriage generally?

Could be that's shes planning on leaving him at some point and building enough of a nest egg to do this.

marywooyeah

Gavin83 wrote: »

Could be that's shes planning on leaving him at some point and building enough of a nest egg to do this.

Thats exactly what I thought when I read it! poor bloke, he seriously needs to find out whats happening and fast.

getmore4less

Start with the simple general question, how much have we got saved up.

Depending on the answer he can do further enquiries

where is it. , where the rest etc.

how much is it making.

THe reason he needs to know It's all about retirement planning or some project that needs funding or if the total assets are exceeding £325k then IHT planning starts to be an issue.


Get her to do the lot on something like MSmoney

That way he can see what is going on.


Do they have wills whats in those.

Caroline_a

Might get flamed for this, but how daft can you be? He earns the money, has little or no clue where it's going, and he hasnt said anything yet? He's her husband not her lackey.... he needs to man up and ask the questions. For all he knows she's been spending it all on a toyboy for years....

Emmzi

The sending of the PINS has now clues her in that something is up. So there is no point pretending he doesn't know. That makes this a simple one.

"Darling, I see some bank statements are missing and there is less money than I thought there was.

What is haooening to it?"

VickyZ

Seriously there is something fishy,why is the wife opening new accounts behind husbands back.
I agree with other posts the husband should man up a bit and ask the wife where is my money?

clearingout

before he does or says anything, I would suggest he goes through the house with a fine toothcomb and gets evidence (letters from banks, bank statements, credit card statements etc.etc.) which show these other accounts. This is particularly important if it's going to turn out that she's got someone else and is saving up to leave. If he has no evidence of these accounts, when they end up in court over financial matters, a judge can do nothing at all about it.

It will, of course, be very, very hard to make him do the leg work at this point. He wont' want to believe she's capable of that and of course, it is always possible there is an innocent explanation. However, he has a small window of opportunity now and if we are talking considerable sums, he needs to take it. Otherwise, there is the potential for him to come home one day with the house cleared out and a 'Dear John' on the sideboard.

Errata

Don't believe a word of it, nobody is that gormless for year after year after year.

Molly41

Emmzi wrote: »

The sending of the PINS has now clues her in that something is up. So there is no point pretending he doesn't know. That makes this a simple one.

"Darling, I see some bank statements are missing and there is less money than I thought there was.

What is haooening to it?"

Perhaps she has an expensive shoe habit and every woman has her secret "running away" fund........