Cant stop spending and need help!

Phil3822

Hi all, I find myself in a really difficult situation which I am struggling to get out of.

Simply put I keep spending money on food. Eating out, takeaways, randon tesco shops etc etc.

If I am not buying food I am thinking of a new fad, hobby or purchase which will end up costing £100's.

First I was thinking maybe I was depressed or something like that as only when buying or eating do I seem happy. I spoke to my GP who gave me anti depresents. I had these and went to counselling for a few months. If anything this just made me feel more comfortable and content in the fact I was spending.

I stopped the meds and sessions and soon returned to the state I am in today. I spend over £100 a week on extra food which I should not need to plus all the hobbies etc. This has totalled in over the last 12 months at spending over £10k.

Further to this I have put on 6 stone during this time.

I am a Male aged 26, married with 2 children. I love my wife but she is very placid, wants to please me so just goes alone with it and more often than not supports me spending the money etc. I certainly feel I have a compulsive personality but in a very negative way.

My reason for posting is firstly it is helpful writing this out but further I am wondering if anyone can offer advice, help and experience.

CH27

Can you afford to spend at this rate or are you getting into debt?

Write down every penny you spend & you will scare yourself:D

Pee

Try going to a gym or swimming pool three times a week, this might help you lose some weight and might also give you some good feelings, I think it's endomorphins, but they kick in when you stop. I'm guessing the children are not very old, but a game of ball in the park with them or similiar might be the same?

Otherwise, I think we can all have tendancies in this way and a budget and spending diary could help. Could you leave the food shopping to your wife? Would only using cash and freezing your credit cards in blocks of ice work?

gonzo127

well the DFW part would probably be best bet however my thoughts are do a SOA http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html and work out what disposable income you have (total household income and expenditure) once you have worked that out if you have a surplus then you can set yourself a 'spends' amount, then all you need to do is sort out your banking. and set up a spending diary, for example

main account that your money gets paid into (wages benifits etc) is used for variable monthly bills (phones, 1 main weekly shop a week based on a pre arranged menu etc)

have a main bills account (mortgage gas elec etc) and set up a standing order from main account into your bills account to cover these normal expenses (hopefully you have these set up as direct debits and that they are a set amount each month) - cut up the card the standing order should be set up to go out of your account on pay day so that this does not get spent on other things, even if these bills do not have to be paid untill later in the month

get yourself a 'BASIC' bank account this is a account with no overdraft etc, transfer your 'spends' money into this account and use this for your extra's on the basis of when its gone its gone for that month

and the spending diary is self explanitory, basically write down everything you spend through out the week/month from a 10p news paper to a £500 shopping spree

Phil3822

Thanks for your response. I have already cancelled all credit cards and do not carry cash on me. Just a debit card. Exercise does help for a limited time. Once the endorphins have flown away the sugar cravings kick in. I should try harder in this area but the whole appathy saga sets in. Yes children are young. My daughter is 20 months and I have a step son who is 8. My wife does look after the shopping but she wants to please me and never says no to me. Good most of the time but not now lol.

Phil3822

Thanks all, I am completely debt free and have a good amount of disposable income. My budget for bills etc is excellent. Its the stuff I do outside of that. Impulse and random purchases are what is killing me. I am not at the stage where I am entering debt yet but have spent all my savings. I think alot of it is based around emotions but certainly want to try an expenditure diary.

mj12_2

Pee wrote: »

I think it's endomorphins

Endorphins :-) - the chemicals (neurotransmitters) released in your brain in response to various stimuli. Chocolate and exercise stimulate the production of the same group (dopamine) if i remember rightly.

CH27

You need to find something to focus on that does not involve spending money.

mj12_2

Phil3822 wrote: »

Hi all, I find myself in a really difficult situation which I am struggling to get out of.

Simply put I keep spending money on food. Eating out, takeaways, randon tesco shops etc etc.

If I am not buying food I am thinking of a new fad, hobby or purchase which will end up costing £100's.

First I was thinking maybe I was depressed or something like that as only when buying or eating do I seem happy. I spoke to my GP who gave me anti depresents. I had these and went to counselling for a few months. If anything this just made me feel more comfortable and content in the fact I was spending.

I stopped the meds and sessions and soon returned to the state I am in today. I spend over £100 a week on extra food which I should not need to plus all the hobbies etc. This has totalled in over the last 12 months at spending over £10k.

Further to this I have put on 6 stone during this time.

I am a Male aged 26, married with 2 children. I love my wife but she is very placid, wants to please me so just goes alone with it and more often than not supports me spending the money etc. I certainly feel I have a compulsive personality but in a very negative way.

My reason for posting is firstly it is helpful writing this out but further I am wondering if anyone can offer advice, help and experience.

I don't mean to sound harsh but it sounds like you just need to learna bit of self control - not as simple as it says on the tin I know but you really should learn to tell yourself 'NO'.

Sometimes people are too quick to look externally for a cause for their problems when in fact its actually closer to home - stay off the anti-depressants in any case they are no good for your brain and most of them have a list of side-effects as long as your arm and thats if the mechanism of action is well understood in the first place.

If you deny yourself the instant gratification of an impulse buy a few times you'll probably find the desire goes away and that you get more pleasure when you do treat yourself than you currently do.

podperson

If you are getting sugar cravings then maybe look at what kinds of foods you are eating rather the amounts. If you are constantly getting convenience foods and snacks then these often provide a quick energy rush and then a big dip which can just lead to you reaching for more of the same kind of food and so on.
Could you also look at having a clear out of things that you have bought for previous hobbies and now never use anymore? Ebaying and carbooting can become quite addictive as well - and as least you're making some money out of that

Phil3822

mj12 wrote: »

I don't mean to sound harsh but it sounds like you just need to learna bit of self control - not as simple as it says on the tin I know but you really should learn to tell yourself 'NO'

You are correct, I never tell myself no. God knows how I go about it though!

All others, I really appreciate your strategies and advice.