Sisters Wedding Abroad.

shellymoo

my partner and i are getting married abroad (spain) next yr and by all means we werent doing it because of cost because it certainly is not cheaper!! We wanted to go abroad because i was sick of attending run of the mill weddings in the same venues, same format etc etc we just wanted something different and i have quite a big family, most of whom i dont see anymore so call me selfish but i didnt see why i should have to invite them all out of politeness at a cost to me and my partner, when i know most of them would just be going for a day out on the drink rather than to see us get married.

If your sister is having it all for £2k i'd say its probably one of those package weddings, tell her to be careful, a girl i worked with got a great deal on one of those and it was like a conveyor belt, she was getting married on beautiful beach but there was literally another bride lining up behind her waiting to get married too.

its 100% your choice if you want to go and i'm sure your sister will have prepared herself for people not being able to attend - we have. My very close aunt has 4 kids and cant afford to bring them all but there is no one to look after them if she leaves them at home (all my immediate family will be at the wedding) and as upsetting as it is, its something you have to prepare yourself for if your going away.

on the cost side, i have gone to weddings here in ireland that have cost a complete fortune too, by time you pay to get there, stay over at hotel, wedding present, days drinking, outfits etc. A couple going to spain for our wedding can get a week through easy jet holidays for £260 each (flights and accommodation), very basic apartments but its still cheap and if you really want to you can shop around and look out for great deals, you might not be staying with the rest of the wedding party but you'll be there and thats the main thing.

i know your partner feels forced to go etc but its your sisters one big day, do what you feel is right for yourself you dont want to end up regretting it but if you chose not to i'm sure she will understand as its one of the cons you consider when chosing to get married abroad.

all best!!

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds

Mojisola wrote: »

But she hasn't shown you the same kind of consideration! She's arranged her wedding in a way that has cost you a fortune and used up two weeks' of your holiday entitlement.

If people want to go abroad for their weddings, they have to accept the compromise that some people they invite will not be able to come. It's not fair to pressurise family members and friends into spending money they can't spare to fit in with your wedding plans.

Actually it has been my choice to take 2 weeks off work to spend with my sister in the run up to her wedding, and yes I have spent a lot but that was also my choice and not forced upon me by my sister!

She isn't getting married abroad either...

~Diamond~

Wow, thanks for so many replies.

The main thing I was a little put out about is that she has never even asked what we think about it or how we feel. If it were me, I would ask what everyone thought of the idea. And yes in the end it is their choice as it is their wedding, but still a little consideration for others costs nothing.

They are only doing this because her fiance's brother got married in the same place abroad. My sister has always said she wanted to get married in this country, but is like a sheep when it comes to men, she will do whatever they want. I love my sister, just know her fiance is not being entirely honest with her so yes I am not his biggest fan right now, in time that may change, he may change.

My parents are not well off, my mum does not work due to ill health, my dad is left will all the bills and everything for the home and now he is doing more overtime to pay for passports for them both. He has just been in hospital and is not in the best of health. I just do not think that she has thought it all through, it's just whatever her fiance wants and the rest of us will just have to follow.

I am not a misery. But I do always look at everything in the picture. When and if my partner asks me to marry him it will be what we can all easily afford, I will write down a few ideas me and him want and ask the members of the family that I want to be there what they think.

Do not know what is going to happen. As I said it is a while off yet so might not even happen. Just wanted to see what others points of views were on this subject. So thanks all.

Who said weddings were easy. A lot of people I now at the moment are planning weddings and it seems as soon as you say we're getting married the stress starts. It should always be about love and family, not how much material stuff you can cram into the day. My thoughts anyway.

Dekazer

~Diamond~ wrote: »

Wow, thanks for so many replies.
Who said weddings were easy. A lot of people I now at the moment are planning weddings and it seems as soon as you say we're getting married the stress starts. It should always be about love and family, not how much material stuff you can cram into the day. My thoughts anyway.

It's so hard! And expensive and complicated etc etc. At times I almost wish we'd eloped

I agree with you, ~Diamond~, my preference is that weddings are for all the family and you make it as easy as possible for everyone to attend. My priority is that everyone can be there and no one has to pay for anything on the day. We will not be having gifts, to try to keep the cost down for everyone.

However, modern life being what it is, most of our friends and family will have to travel and pay to stay overnight in London. I just can't think of a way round it. So, I expect that some will feel like they have to spend the money to attend, and possibly feel resentful. if we'd gone abroad, perhaps there wouldn't have been the same expectation that they'd attend, so they wouldn't have had to spend anything! It's really tricky.

I'm sure that you and your family will all find a way to celebrate your sister's marriage, whether it be by flying to the ceremony, or extending the celebrations by having something in the UK as well.

Wishing you all the best xx

Luckyred

If your dad has to work overtime to afford the passports then I wonder how they are going to afford the whole trip. It must be very stressful for them... unless of course you sister is paying for them to go.

mountainofdebt

Lets be honest, getting married abroad used to be about having a small wedding (usually just bride, groom and perhaps parents and children of relationship if there were any).

Now it seems that the world and his wife, who would have been invited to a wedding in this country, are expected to go abroad for the wedding - and be happy about the added expense...and yes I'm one would resent having to use a chunk of my holiday on a place / time of not my choosing.

becca0417

For your own sister? I understand these attitudes for friends and extended family but this is the OPs sister!

fawny

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Lets be honest, getting married abroad used to be about having a small wedding (usually just bride, groom and perhaps parents and children of relationship if there were any).

Now it seems that the world and his wife, who would have been invited to a wedding in this country, are expected to go abroad for the wedding - and be happy about the added expense...and yes I'm one would resent having to use a chunk of my holiday on a place / time of not my choosing.

We are certainly not expecting anyone to come & not putting pressure on anyone, we have told everyone that we will not be upset or offended if they don't come.

Idiophreak

becca0417 wrote: »

For your own sister? I understand these attitudes for friends and extended family but this is the OPs sister!

You can only assume that people have 28 days holiday per anum, as that's the statutory minimum...I imagine the average person works something like 45 years in a lifetime? So that's 45 years, 28 days = 1260 days' holiday in a lifetime. So you can understand why they feel that taking 5 days (0.4%) of their holiday once in a lifetime for their sister's wedding is such a horrific inconvenience...

SailorSam

I've just been to Cyprus for my Nieces wedding, it cost me almost £1k.
I didn't want to go, not just 'cos of the cost but felt pressurised to, got to say though it was a lovely place and really enjoyed myself.
However i had a falling out with my Sister and now i'm thinking if i'd stayed at home it wouldn't have all kicked off. But that's another story.