Horace's Biting the Bullet Diary

Horace

Have had a few CBA days - I did see the health trainer on Thursday at my local GP and he agrees that I have an issue with food and depression. I now have to keep a food diary for 3 weeks. He weighed me too and I am 12st 3lbs which for me is fat - I would rather be 9 stone 3lbs or even 10 stone 3lbs.

Yesterday was a real CBA day - partly due to the weather although I did manage to do some washing which is now hanging in my living room.

Today, I am feeling meh again - went to see soon to be OH to discuss divorce and financial settlement. I had initially said that I only wanted my furniture but after talking to parents etc, it was deemed madness especially as I had contributed over the years and to walk away with just furniture beggared belief. Today I broached the subject and asked for £15K (I had thought of asking for more) - this is less than half the house which has always been in his name and by now I should think that the mortgage has been paid off (he bought it for £17500). Well, he agrees in principle but feels that I shoiuld get a better income and get rid of the housing benefit (he didnt want to be catty). Heck, I don't want to be living on benefits either but needs must whilst I search for work. He then suggested that he give me £10K as that would be easier - even then he would have to pay in instalments because laying his hands on that kind of money was difficult and after all he did want to buy some new windows for the house - I have been on about those f*g windows since we moved in there and now he has decided that he needs to replace them (they are as rotten as hell). One wonders what has happened to all that rent he gets from his property in Shropshire? He did, however, let me take some little bits of mine but nowhere near all my knicknacks and he gave me a radiant heater because he didnt like the thought of me having cold feet and it was more economical than using an oil filled radiator.

He has said that he will divorce me because he can afford the £340 fee whereas I can't and that he will get the absolute too which costs £45 because if I went to the absolute after he instigated the divorce then I would have to wait 3 months and 1 day where as he would need to wait 6wks and a day.

I will speak to my parents because I think the stipulations he has put on the money front to be a bit rich to be honest and I would much rather have £15K than £10K. He has also said that he doesn't want a formal arrangement with regard to the money, however, I would much rather something formal is made because he has an opportunity to wriggle out of the agreement.

Tomorrow I see my parents. We have some news with regard to dad - mum has managed to get him an appointment with a different consultant at a different hospital although dad is not too pleased because he cannot grasp the idea that his own consultant is on holiday. The appointment is next week.

beanielou

Good news on the new appointment for your dad
Did you not have a seperation agreement ?
I agree that you need a formal agreement in relation to the money.
You might get more news on the house tomorrow.
Keep plodding

Aesop

H, will say that your ex or soon to be is taking the proverbial.... like they always do.

Put your foot down, go to see a free solicitor as has been suggested, find out about legal aid, and you file for divorce, if they suggest it would be in your interest to do it that way. As long as you get to get a decent settlement and have your things back.

Stuff him wanting to pay for it, control, control, control.

And as for not letting you have the rest of your stuff... :mad: the sooner you are divorced and have your own things the better! how rude is he! :mad:

as if you are sat at home everyday not looking for a job!!! :mad:

oh sorry, pleased to hear Dad will be seeing a Dr next week.

Horace

Feeling a lot better but feel like a louse accepting boosts from my parents.

Advice will be sought on Monday - paperwork for the court will be printed off and completed, I may well take it to the court myself for the cost of a bus ticket. Just don't want him to see my bank statement or the fact that I have been self employed because being an honest person I will need to declare this to the court.

I came home with a food parcel - mainly food that mum & dad cannot eat as they eat like sparrows. Mum asked after the steak she gave me the other week and I said that I hadn't eaten it - so now I have lettuce and tomato to go with it (I think I will eating this half head of lettuce for a long time).

beanielou

Any talk of the house?

Horace

Back from a long walk - first to cashpoint to withdraw £10 then to post office to get stamps and pay cash into business account (I have now cleared the overdraft):j Then it was up to the credit union to pay in some cash and then I walked home - distance walked about 4 miles:D

There was talk of the house yesterday - I have to view it again (didnt tell parents I had already seen it:o) anyway it will be good to look again. Then I need to tell parents who will then view it and arrange a survey etc and put in an offer. Carpets etc are not included - I will need a cooker and a fridge but can do without that as the house has a pantry and milk etc can be kept if you know how:D Somehow, I don't see people ripping up carpets because they haven't been bought in addition to the house - do you?

I have rung up about a job close to my parents - easy to get to by car and about 10 mins walk from their house so if there is a problem I am close by.

Next job - print off all the forms needed for court and speak to a solicitor (free half hour). Need to complete and submit application for job I rang about today and I need to spend an age completing a form for the civil service as there are some jobs going at the jobcentre:D

In answer to your question Beanie about separation agreements - no there isnt one because I just ran away (due to depression and feelings of not being able to cope - much like today really).

Aesop

((((((((((((((Horace)))))))))))) you are getting through this hun. You are taking each day one step at a time and doing so much to get yourself sorted.

Horace

One step at a time is the only way to do it - yes, I will have bad days when I feel meh and feel overwhelmed but they can be overcome.

Nearly treated myself to a bunch of daffs today but then I saw that they were £1.90:eek: - since when have daffs been nearly £2? So I left them where they were. Dived into some charity shops as well - just for a mooch, I saw a better tv than the one I have now for £35 but that can stay where it is as well but at least I know that I can get a recycled one that has been tested. In another shop I was looking for curtains but there were none. I also went past a net curtain shop and looked in their bin outside because they were selling ends etc for £2 - again I will store this away for future reference as I may be able to get a net that fits a window.

I have around £80 of ConsumerPulse Points which I may redeem into Argos vouchers (oh pants, I meant to pick up an Argos catalogue) because then I will be able to use them to 'buy' a lawn mower. Here is me - thinking ahead of myself again:rotfl:

LondonGirl252

You're doing so well Horace, I admire how much you do each day to work towards your goals. Viewing the house again will be nice and you might spot things you missed before (good things!) keeping my fingers very much crossed on that one for you!

And even bigger fingers crossed for the job near your parents that sounds very handy!

Horace

I am seeing the house on Wednesday afternoon - again at a different time of day as I am trying to gauge what the neighbourhood is like. The agents rang me today to tell me that they had a person who was interested but as yet they had not made an offer. I explained that my parents had asked me to look again because they want a smaller but manageable garden for my mum and they are cash buyers with no chain. I am hoping that the person who is interested has something to sell and therefore they will be at a disadvantage.

There is a 3 bed house on the same street going for £85K but it is in need of modernisation - it still has the metal window frames and is single glazed, it probably needs central heating too. It has the advantage of a driveway as opposed to a shared parking bay. I think the other disadvantage with it is the fact that it is at the rough end of the street.