Living away from home for a job

MarzipanFish

Just looking for some experiences/opinions
Does anyone (or their OH) live somewhere different during the week for a job? How do you feel about it & has it changed your relationship?



I'm about to graduate from Uni and I've been offered a job. It's a job I think I would enjoy with lots of opportunities to learn/progress. The pay & holidays are both very good too and they're willing to take me on with very little experience unlike many other jobs like it that I've looked at. I do think it'd be quite full on/stressful. Although it's only an hour away I'd have to live away from my boyfriend during the week. I feel really apprehensive about it and I'm worried I'd end up making us both unhappy/lonely or damaging our relationship. We are both quite dependent on each other (probably too much so).

OH is pretty unhappy with the idea I think.
He thinks that i've got this so I must be able to get other jobs nearer home/that I don't have to move for. I don't agree but I've applied for 42 nearby jobs today & yesterday to give it a go. None of the jobs look as good as the one I've been offered though .

Moneywise I would keep paying for half of our shared flat and rent somewhere on my own too. We've talked about moving a friend in if I had to move for a job in the past but OH seems negative about the whole situation now. I'd rather keep paying the ~£400 a month rent/bill share if it makes him happier to keep the spare room as his office.


I think it would be stupid to back out of the job especially as OH's job contract will have finished by the end of the month but I'm worried
Sorry for seeming really ungrateful. I know there's people struggling to get a decent job who probably think i'm being really childish/silly. It's not like the job's in Australia, I know

CH27

Can your OH not move with you when his contract is up?

Darlyd

If it's only an hr away can you not just commute? My dh travels an hr every morning to work and same home again at end of day. But he leaves at 4am to start for 5am and then is home for 3.30

lostinrates

DH works away Mon-fri. Somtimes biut not often weekends. At one point this was in another country, now its ''just'' in London.

There are pluses and minuses, but on balance this works for us. Its worked out cheaper than the possible but very draining daily commute (1 and a quarter-half hour train then tube with changes or car journey) for him to lodge in London. We've been together 8 years married six (um, I think!) but we still get excited like lovestruck teens on Fridays. I have a life back Mon-Thurs which is unimpacted by his punishing work schedule, and he feels more a ble to work and less guilty when things over run/go all night etc.

Ideally? We'd win the lottery But in the ''normally'' ideal circumstances we've found compromises than suit us as best as we can.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Love doesn't pay the rent.

I'd take the job.

browneyedbazzi

Is there a middle ground where you could live together and commute to your respective jobs?

My bf and I live apart due to work at the moment and it isn't easy...we really enjoy our weekends and have great quality time then, but it is difficult during the week when he's not around and I could use a hug or someone to talk to, want to go out etc. We've managed for the last year but I don't think it's a long term solution (for us at least).

Tropez

A few years back now I had to live in the United States for several months as part of my job and there wasn't really any opportunity to fly back to the UK to see my partner so we were apart for that time. I did take a couple of weeks holiday at the end of my stint out there which allowed the two of us to have a bit of time together and see a few things in the US and Canada but for those months we were parted by several thousand miles.

With regards to my relationship, I suppose you would say at the time that it was a fairly new relationship as we had been together less than a year but we made the effort to stay in touch while we were apart, communicating on online video chats, sending text messages, emails etc. which obviously helped me to feel close to her. I also think that in a way it helped us both to feel closer to each other permanently, as we didn't drift apart and we both made the effort and commitment to stay in touch. I think there may have been three or four days during the entire time I was in the US when we didn't exchange some form of message, even if it was just a simple "Just off to work, hope you're okay x" type of text.

It can put a strain on a relationship too though but then I'm talking about being thousands of miles apart and not having the feasible chance of popping home for the weekend. When you're able to spend time together regularly, regardless of how far apart you may be during the week, it shouldn't be as difficult and really it is the type of thing that a relationship should be able to survive. If you have something to look forward to, and plans that you can make for the time you will spend together then being apart for a few days is nothing - even when you live together, you don't spend that much time with your partner during a working week.

MarzipanFish

Thanks for the replies

MarzipanFish

My computer/connection seems to be playing up so i've been trying to post a message for blimmin ages! Then the above short message suddenly worked but wont edit.


I forgot to mention... sorry... The job requires that I live nearby. Really nearby too - it's a major downside of the job imo. Otherwise I'd commute for now at least.

Our flat contract here ends at the end of December. OH doesn't like the city the job's near and doesn't want to move but I think he'd agree to after a while if I really wanted to keep the job. It's frustrating that we've just recently moved into a lovely flat here and got settled

sumsup

My DH has always worked away during the week, and occasional Friday or Sunday nights. You do need to have total trust in each other, and make the weekends " us-time". It works for us but is definately not an easy option. As it is early in your career, and it sounds as though this job is otherwise perfect, I would try to find a way to have both the job and stay together - can you move to halfway when your current tenancy expires - 30 minutes commute each is quite usual. Good luck!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If your OH had found a permanent job with good prospects, he would be reasonable in being unhappy. As he is at present going to be unemployed, I don't think he can expect you to go onto JSA just so he can stay where he likes it.