School Complaint - Help Needed Please

DitaVonTee

Such is life, one of my children has spent the whole of year six seperated from the friends she started school with. I understood the reasons why, I understood it was an important year for them.

To be honest I don't really see an issue here? Sometimes children are seperated from their friends for reasons, teachers may feel they are becoming distracted, some may see potential and feel the need to push that child forward, which is what happened with my own child. Teachers could see she was bright, they could see potential but felt she we're being distracted by her friends, so moved her into different classes from her friends last year - The result is, she's done excellently in her SATS results were really proud of her (she couldn't have done any better and shown she was more than above average for her age).

September she starts high school and we've followed suit, she's being sent to an excellent school away from all the friends she's known at the present school she's currently attending.
Why? Because I feel that is best for my daughter, I want her to flourish at school have a brilliant eduction and do everything I never did. As parents it's only natural that we would want that, everyone wants the same for their children.

My daughter has learned from this sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to progress, she's learned a very valuable lesson from life, she enjoys learning, shown she can work hard and excell in everything she does, she knows this, I know this and she knows all I and her father want is what is best for her.

To be honest I wouldn't be taking this any futher, your daughter has to be taught not everything always go to plan, friends come and go just like the number 10 bus I know she's only young but shortly she will be entering very important stages in her life where not everything will go the way she wants it.

Little girls become close, fall out and soon make friends again (Had all this with my own) you're daughter will make new friends in her new class just as any other child would - we've worked it here so my daughter isn't so reliant on her friends at school, she has activities almost every day of the week and has her own friends outside of school that she spends time with, maybe this would be another idea?

Currently my daughter is a sea scout, goes dancing, gymnastics, swimming and attends Judo classes and most of her friends that I do have stay here are the ones she's made outside of school

maman

I'd agree with posters who say accept it and move on. Be positive and optimistic with your daughter that's what matters.

I am very disappointed with the Head's attitude. If he really said 'she has no authority', I don't think much of his management skills. Far better that he apologised and said there'd been some mistake. I would never treat staff like that. Hopefully it's a happy school for pupils and parents but I wouldn't be sure about staff morale.

kaggy

Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate the time & effort you have all given to reply.

I am not a fickle mother, this is only the 2nd time that I have spoken to the head about anything in 8 years, I just care very much, as do we all, about my childrens well being & happiness.

My concern is that I dealt with my 7 yo daughters disappointment on Tuesday which she accepted, the teacher then offered a swap to her on the Wednesday, which we discussed the pros & cons of at length, then this morning we accepted the offer, only for the head to say that it was a mistake this afternoon. The poor thing has been through enough this week and to know that another of her classmates has been allowed to swap makes it even worse (mind you, her mum is on the board of governors!)

Thank you Sweet Pea, it was the heads attitude and the way he spoke to me, he seems to forget that he isn't speaking to a child! He is known for his bullish manner with parents but I really want an explanation about this, he seems to think a phone call about any issue will suffice and that the matter is then closed. He won't discuss the other child which I fully understand, but when he rang he used the other childs name instead of my DD!!

I am not going to say a word tomorrow but let my husband do the talking, I have been through the mill lately with illness and I know that I will get emotional whereas my husband will just stick to the facts.

peachyprice

kaggy wrote: »

to know that another of her classmates has been allowed to swap makes it even worse (mind you, her mum is on the board of governors!)

He won't discuss the other child which I fully understand, but when he rang he used the other childs name instead of my DD!!

Have you stopped to think that the other child's parents have had the same phone call from the head as you have?

DitaVonTee

kaggy wrote: »

it was the heads attitude and the way he spoke to me, he seems to forget that he isn't speaking to a child! He is known for his bullish manner with parents

Every other headteacher at schools across the country are exactly the same!!!
I guarantee!

But what we fail to realize as parents is usually they are very child savvy or they wouldn't be in the job in the first place.

As a parent myself, I still fail to see what the issue is?

Child isn't starting new term in class with friends...? It's what happens to every other child up and down the country, it isn't a unique case all on it's own here. I hate to say it I think you are possibly being a tad over-senstive, I've known worse things to happen to children at school...my own daughter was manhandled by a teacher - which was soon sorted out when the relevant authorities became involved, end result teacher was suspended.

Edited to add :-

What are you expecting to happen when she starts high school - as lets face it, it isn't that far away is it?
Will you be expecting her to be in all the same classes as her friends? As I know it, you know it, we all know, it's not going to happen.

kaggy

peachyprice wrote: »

Have you stopped to think that the other child's parents have had the same phone call from the head as you have?

They have definately been moved.

Maybe I am being oversensitive but I am her mum and I will protect her as much as possible. Looking at the 2 classes they have moved all the clusters of friends to be with each other, even the trouble makers, except for my daughter and this other child? It is as if the 2 names simply got muddled but she is allowed to move and my child isn't?

I haven't heard of anyone else being unhappy, this is because their child is with their group of friends.

I am going to bed now and once again thank you, we will never all agree or deal with things the same but I do expect the school to treat my child the same as others and in this case it hasn't. Her teacher was aware that she was better placed in the other class which is why she suggested it, but the head doesn't like anyone disagreeing with him or changing things.

kaggy

DitaVonTee wrote: »

What are you expecting to happen when she starts high school - as lets face it, it isn't that far away is it?
Will you be expecting her to be in all the same classes as her friends? As I know it, you know it, we all know, it's not going to happen.

She is 7 not 12, I fully understand when she goes secondary school as my son started there last year, although they do a very similar thing where they are asked to do a friend list and they promise to make a least one match. My daughter didn't have any matches whereas everyone else did?

barbiedoll

When my son was at primary school, the kids tended to stay in the same class with the same teacher for two years running. However, they would always shuffle 5 or 6 kids around, sometimes because of bullying or other problems or if a class was too full and they needed to fill up one of the other classes. In his final year, he got moved and he had a bit of a moan because he really liked the current teacher. To be fair, they had asked for volunteers and my son did put his hand up because he had a good friend in the new class.
At open evening, I asked the teacher why he had been moved each year and she said that because he was considered to be a sociable child and one who mixed with almost everyone in the class, he was deemed to be an easier child to move. She also said that as he was so polite and well-behaved in school, the teachers always jumped at the chance to have him in their classes!

Most of that was probably bulls**t (although his teachers have always said that he is very friendly, sociable and well-behaved, at school at least!) but it made me feel better at the time. A friend of mine, who is a teacher at a nursery school, has since told me that they do consider a child's temperament when planning the moves and they try to minimise any disruption to children that may be more sensitive to such a move. So maybe you should consider it as a compliment and a testament to your daughter's good behaviour at school?

DitaVonTee

kaggy wrote: »

Her teacher was aware that she was better placed in the other class which is why she suggested it, but the head doesn't like anyone disagreeing with him or changing things.

Thing is, it wasn't the teachers decision to make, it's probably not anything to do with the head enforcing his powers to make the teacher look like a complete idiot, it's more than likely they've looked at test results etc and felt your child is better suited in the class she's been placed in for whatever reason, I certainly wouldn't be taking it personal.

I agree we all want what is best for our children, maybe this is exactly it?

I've had to make some hard decisions over the time my children have been attending school, I've been involved in some real humdingers with the head, but, I wouldn't go talking to the head over this it's really not worth it because whatever way you look at things, from what you've said he's already made his decision and I doubt there isn't a lot you're going to be able to do to sway that decision, unless you remove her from the school and send her somewhere else which wouldn't solve matters either.

Spendless

My kids go to schools where there are always at least 2 classes. because my son's is a big year there's always been 3 classes. They chop and change them every year. I preferred this, I actually chose this school over a nearby one that has 1 class per year, because I wanted them to experience different children in a class long before they got to Secondary school. My eldest struggles with making friends, and it's meant that his friend who was in the same nursery session with him has never been in the same class thru-out 7 years of Primary school. He has kept a friendship going with him outside of school.

kaggy wrote: »

She is 7 not 12, I fully understand when she goes secondary school as my son started there last year, although they do a very similar thing where they are asked to do a friend list and they promise to make a least one match. My daughter didn't have any matches whereas everyone else did?

They did this last year when my DS moved from yr5 to yr6, and my friend's child was the only one in the class not to be matched. The teacher admitted it, when my friend queried who he'd put. The HT would not budge on moving him, but my friend did go down the route of her son hadn't been treated equally to his classmates. If she'd pushed on this, she *might* have been able to have it changed. My local Secondary doesn't do what yours does though. My son's school is the largest feeder Primary and 7 kids from his school are going into his new form, but 5 of them are girl, the only boy is someone DS has never 'knocked about with'.

kaggy wrote: »

Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate the time & effort you have all given to reply.

I am not a fickle mother, this is only the 2nd time that I have spoken to the head about anything in 8 years, I just care very much, as do we all, about my childrens well being & happiness.

My concern is that I dealt with my 7 yo daughters disappointment on Tuesday which she accepted, the teacher then offered a swap to her on the Wednesday, which we discussed the pros & cons of at length, then this morning we accepted the offer, only for the head to say that it was a mistake this afternoon. The poor thing has been through enough this week and to know that another of her classmates has been allowed to swap makes it even worse (mind you, her mum is on the board of governors!)

Thank you Sweet Pea, it was the heads attitude and the way he spoke to me, he seems to forget that he isn't speaking to a child! He is known for his bullish manner with parents but I really want an explanation about this, he seems to think a phone call about any issue will suffice and that the matter is then closed. He won't discuss the other child which I fully understand, but when he rang he used the other childs name instead of my DD!!

I am not going to say a word tomorrow but let my husband do the talking, I have been through the mill lately with illness and I know that I will get emotional whereas my husband will just stick to the facts.

It *might* be really, really personal why the other child has been allowed to swap. My DH was diagnosed with cancer as my kids were towards the end of yr 3 and reception. I informed school and DD was kept with her best friend in yr 1(despite her reception teacher moaning to me at parents evening a couple of months earlier about her playing exclusively with this child) and DS's teacher was moving from yr 3 to teach yr 4 and he was kept with him. I think in both cases school did what they could to keep school life as stable as they could for them due to what was happening at home. I hav elso known of more than 1 case where parent has asked for x child not to be in y childs class in the following year due to x child's dad having run off with y childs mother!