relationship help?

DitaVonTee

dom300186 wrote: »

I have been with my partner 6 and a half years, im 25 and hes 24 we have a four year old and boy do you know you've got him lol but we love him to bits.
in the last month my partner told me A. he didnt want to get married and B.he didnt know if he was still in love with me anymore BANG what a shocker, well anyway we stayed together and we are trying to make a go of things, even though he said he wanted a bit of freedom?? but claimed he doesnt want to be with anyone else just alone.
He comes and goes as much as he pleases when he wants where he wants, and has always tried to make me go out more bgut ive always like being about the house pottering around.
I dont know many people where i live and they have their own lives to worry about and dont have money to do things.
I want to make his head swivel so he thinks what the hell was i thinking about nearly leaving her?
what can i do or say that will make him realise that he has such a great woman and what can i do for him to think god i love that woman? it seems the spark has fizzled and i need to do something or change something?

Hes been taking steriods for just over a month now and ive noticed a change in him but he states their are no side affects to them like roid rage etc but im not convinced their are side affects to everything?

any advise welcome xxx

My first husband was a bodybuilder and I can assure you, there are many, many side effects and ones that are not always apparent. Don't believe that 'Roid Rage' does not exsist, it does and it's currently sitting in you're home, tick tock, tick tock, every single day of the week. They also have the knack of keeping you awake, making you paranoid, violent mood swings along with loads of other side effects.

Now, I am talking many moons ago, my ex husband used them to compete in bodybuilding competitions, how often is he taking them? And for what purpose?
As they are NOT designed for long term use, I will tell you exactly what Steroids are designed for, they are used for six weeks at a time BEFORE competition peak to totally strip the body of fat, before the competitions start, you are supposed to STOP taking them - well, those were the rules many moons ago BUT I can definatley tell you that they are not to be taken for exceedingly stupid amounts of time.

Side effects and more information http://www.talktofrank.com/drugs.aspx?id=170

To be honest, this man is not worthy of you're love and if I we're in you're position right now, I'd kick him out, or leave and wouldn't look back, been there done it wore the t-shirt. You are worth so much more than this and I think you probably know it.

Steroids are a drug and he needs to come off them, link above will help him to seek the help that he needs, as, they are addictive.

dom300186

he told me he is taking test enth and he is due to finish them in 2 weeks and go on something else which may make him tearfull, and he isnt due to go on the next course in 3 months time.

he told me when he was thinking about going on them hes researched and their are no side affects in regards to being nasty?

I sat down after he told me what he had been injecting and did some research, and what do i find ...mood swings tiredness, irritable and aggressive etc.

Yesterday he was moaning that he has lost the weight he put on whilst on the course and still on the course, he said when he went out last friday he got really drunk and blames drinking and not eating before he went out that he has lost the weight? well i said i did leave your dinner for you in the microwave but you were running late and you got drunk to quick without anything in your stomache, he snapped at me and shouted yeh well i bloody know that i didnt have the bloody time, so i shouted at him for talking to me like crap.

at that point i realised this is that rubbish talking hes injecting in his system, im going to wait for him to come off them in 2 weeks to see if his mood goes back to his normal happy self.

So im going out, im pampering myself, im making sure i look my best so he notices, and im getting my life back and losing the weight i still need to loose another stone (i lost 2 after xmas), went to zumba last night was great fun i suprised him as i went on my own and knew knowone there and i had so much fun.

Today im going for a cuppa with one of the mums at my sons nursery whilst they are there, tonight going out with his bestfriends girlfriend as she is going through a similar thing and we are going bowling and for something to eat afterwards, tomorrow im out with an old mate in my home town for a few drinks and sunday morning zumba class again so im keeping myself busyx

Errata

Bluntly - he's got a drug problem. It needs sorting out because he clearly hasn't a clue about what he's chucking down his neck.

dom300186

in his case injecting, me and his mum sat down yesterday and she said he has changed and snaps at her on the phone or even in person she told him the other day hes not too old for a slap lol and that he needs to sort himself out. if it does continue whilst hes having his 3 month break from the injections, then il know its not the steroids but if he's going back on them after being fine for the 3 months, ive made a promise to my self il be walking away and no longer wasting my time, il have to give him the ultimatum his family and his girlfirend who worships the ground he walks on or his body and his ego knowone likes.

savingmummy

You shouldnt have to change or do anything to make him think `i`m lucky to have her`. He should know this for himself!

I think it is 90% the steroids!!

Might be worth you explaining to him that since he started them you`ve noticed a change in him and get him to re think the future regarding taking them.
They can and do wreck lives unfortunately and are addictive.

savingmummy

dom300186 wrote: »

in his case injecting, me and his mum sat down yesterday and she said he has changed and snaps at her on the phone or even in person she told him the other day hes not too old for a slap lol and that he needs to sort himself out. if it does continue whilst hes having his 3 month break from the injections, then il know its not the steroids but if he's going back on them after being fine for the 3 months, ive made a promise to my self il be walking away and no longer wasting my time, il have to give him the ultimatum his family and his girlfirend who worships the ground he walks on or his body and his ego knowone likes.

If it isnt then he needs to see his GP. He could be depressed, the bubbliest of people with wonderful lives can become depressed.


I agree with the last bit 100%:T I actually couldnt stay with someone who is injecting their body with steroid that are giving off side effects and possible health issues - He needs to think about his family not himself!

dom300186

i know i have told him quite a few times to his face he has changed he lied to me about being on them and fdidnt tell me until one day he kept snapping wanted alot of sex and i just said your taking something arent you?he then said why do you ask? and i said because i know you to well and your different he then admitted hed been on them for 2 weeks, i said how disspointed i was in him, his mum hit the roof and after the shock i did.
a week after that he sat me down and said he didnt know how he felt about me and doesnt want to get married we'd booked our wedding for the 5th of nov i was devasted, but secretly id been wanting to postpone for a couple of years due to a stressful year.
he really is a nice person when not on them and we always had a laugh a joke and every friday we have date night and do soemthing together, but now i dont know what hes thinking so i bought a book that may help me understand slightly the male mind lol "Men are from mars women are from venus" and its quite interesting so far and can relate anyway but these steroids are not helping us.
hes short tempered with me, his mum, our 4 year old, the dog and people around him.

DitaVonTee

dom300186 wrote: »

Yesterday he was moaning that he has lost the weight he put on whilst on the course and still on the course, he said when he went out last friday he got really drunk and blames drinking and not eating before he went out that he has lost the weight?

He's loosing weight because they are designed to strip the body of fat, it's usual for folks to loose a few stones especially when strenuous work outs are involved, it's all about loosing weight and building muscle mass. Also, he really shouldn't be drinking if he's decided to take them.

I think he has the idea of steroids the wrong way round, you don't take them to gain weight, you take them to strip the body of fat.

Now I'll proceed to tell you about my ex, who is currently in renal failure, all brought on by taking steroids, he's on dyalasis and awaiting a donor. He was also rendered infertile through taking them, so all his attempts to have children have long gone out the window.

During the run up to competitions I suffered his mood swings, high sex drive, his lack of sleeping and his paranoia again which was all down to taking steroids.

In this situation you need to think of your young son and the exposure of all this is having upon him, he may not be aware or see that his Daddy is taking steroids but I am sure he has noticed his quick temper and been on the end of his tongue lashings while taking them, this isn't an ideal situation for a child to grow up in. In all honesty you need to stop thinking about yourself and your partner and think more about the effect this is having on your son being raised in this kind of environment.

If your partner thought anything of you, or anything about his son these drugs wouldn't be in the home and he wouldn't be exposing you to them.

Lets not forgot one person died last year and another two were seriously injured, all because of some blokes addiction to steroids and his paranoia's through taking them, this person ended up killing himself to evade the punishment of the law and the whole police force suffered the back lash because of him and his actions.

sashadesade

Self help books aren't going to be of any use in this situation. It's most likely the drugs that are causing all of these problems. I think the two of you should have some time apart, it will give him time to think about what he's doing to you and your son and what's really important to him. The long-term effects of steroid abuse can be devastating, look in to it if you haven't already.

candygirl

My ex was on them many moons ago, and used to beat the living daylights out of me.He seriously needs to come off them, before you can work on your relationship.He owes it to you and your Son:(:(