relationship help?

dom300186

I have been with my partner 6 and a half years, im 25 and hes 24 we have a four year old and boy do you know you've got him lol but we love him to bits.
in the last month my partner told me A. he didnt want to get married and B.he didnt know if he was still in love with me anymore BANG what a shocker, well anyway we stayed together and we are trying to make a go of things, even though he said he wanted a bit of freedom?? but claimed he doesnt want to be with anyone else just alone.
He comes and goes as much as he pleases when he wants where he wants, and has always tried to make me go out more bgut ive always like being about the house pottering around.
I dont know many people where i live and they have their own lives to worry about and dont have money to do things.
I want to make his head swivel so he thinks what the hell was i thinking about nearly leaving her?
what can i do or say that will make him realise that he has such a great woman and what can i do for him to think god i love that woman? it seems the spark has fizzled and i need to do something or change something?

Hes been taking steriods (Test Enth) for just over a month now and ive noticed a change in him but he states their are no side affects to them like roid rage etc but im not convinced their are side affects to everything?

any advise welcome xxx

Plans_all_plans

I don't think the issue is with you and I don't think there is anything you can do to stop him going.

If I were you I'd outline exactly why he should stay with you and your child as a family. Think of every reason and tell him calmly. If he still wants to go, then I would say that's fine, you might need space at the moment so we can maybe have a break. If he doesn't come to the conclusion that he needs to be with you after a break then I think it's the end of the road for the relationship I'm afraid.

There's nothing you can say or do to stop him going if he's made his mind up.

Did he grow up with his own dad on the scene? Do you get on with his parents/friends/other relations? Would they be able to make him see sense?

Also, if he wants you to go out now and again, why don't you just go? It won't hurt and it might make him feel like you're making more of an effort with his interests. It's a two way street.

ETA: I would want him to make a decision ASAP though, I certainly wouldn't have him traipsing in and out of my home day in day out just when he wants something off of you, but at the same time living like a single man going out all the time.

dom300186

he no longer has contact with his dad after 7 years and only met up with him 5 times, his mum however has always said how lucky he is, me and his mum walk the dogs together go grab coffee's and she has always said im like another daughter to her, she rings me when shes not having a good day and the same for me, hes recently been taking bloody steroids as he wants to compete in a body building competition? but i recspect hes so passionate about it but the steroids well i was fumming hes tried telling me there is no side affects to the one he is on. he changed since taking them and his mum has said that, im waiting for him tofinish his course then i will see if he goes back to his normal laughy jokey self again.
yesterday i decided im going to remember what i liked doing before i met him, well tonight im going to my first ever zumba class, ive wore make up and done my self up and played with my hair painted my nails and looking and feeling good again, i even got wolf whistled walking the dogs today so i must be doing something right? and he has noticed and has said i look really nice the last couple of days.

CH27

Freedom to do what?
Sleep around or freedom from his responsibilities?

Don't let him string you along. Tell him to make his mind up.

Cross posted with the OP.

Get him off the steroids asap. They are not good for him.

Plans_all_plans

It's likely to be the steroids then, I've heard they can totally change a person's personality. Have a look online for the sorts of things they can do to people and find out if there's any advice for those who have to live with people who take them! I'd try to get him to stop by telling him the risks.

ameliarate

It sounds to me like a bit of the spark and romance has gone. You say he asks you to go out with him but you like to potter around the house. Perhaps you should make an effort and go out with him, get a babysitter and have a nice meal or go to the cinema.

Relationships need work and both parties need to make some effort. Sorry if it sounds like I'm having a go at you, it's not meant that way, but sometimes we do need to look at ourselves objectively.

dom300186

freedom to be on his own and do what he wants when he wants? he does anyway ive never told him he cant go somewhere or do something ive always let him, and he has said im staying because i want to but i cant help but feel awkward around him because im scared of doing the wrong thing by pushing him away.

dom300186

we do go out, what i mean is hes awlays telling me to go out with mates, well today ive decided with some of the girls from my sons nursery we are going to do more together as they feel like me a mum and wifey not have their own identity.

euronorris

Firstly, look up those steroids and the side effects and then show him (seeing as he believes there are none, you need to present evidence to him).

Secondly, ask him to be more specific about what freedom he wants. Where does he feel he isn't free right now? If he can't answer that, tell him that you can't give him what he wants if he doesn't even know what it is that he wants, so he needs to think about it and then the conversation can continue.

I suspect though, that a lot of this is coming from the steroids. They DO completely change people.

dom300186

he had been talking about them for about a year, but i was dead against it as my dad beat my mum up for years even when she was pregnant with me and i arrived early. but he keeps telling me they dont have this affect, they are something i can not pronounce but i will ask him casually later and do my reserach tomorrow. like i say side affects to everything i was on the depo injection for birth control and they made me adjetated and i easily wound up.

ska_lover

dom300186 wrote: »

we do go out, what i mean is hes awlays telling me to go out with mates, well today ive decided with some of the girls from my sons nursery we are going to do more together as they feel like me a mum and wifey not have their own identity.

It is easy to loose your own identity when you are a wife and mother, very easy.

I think you are doing the right thing, getting to know other women , making friends and getting out and about - it may succeed in making your partners head turn, or it may not.

It is always a good idea for a woman to keep her own identity in a relationship - keep her own friends etc. If he does leave you will need your friends, hun.