The CSA keeps badgering me to go back to work, but work doesnt pay, suggestions pleas

Transformer

Not all csa cases are so so stressy. My ex 'grew up' learnt his responsibilities dealing with them and only recently said he was happy to pay for the kids and encouraged them to stay in school and university and that he was over the moon the kids new he was paying for them.....

He went from saying the kids were not his to avoid csa to finally admitting they were, to getting very nasty when they became involved blaming me, when I had to fill in the forms on income support say so as at the time they were getting the money and for years they forgot to give me the disregard a week, so yes mistakes happen, yes things can get nasty, but you choose wether you grow up through it and face up to paying fairly, or choose to argue and argue.

No one says allowance etc.....are not allowed or moral if entitled to them, but it is obvious you have gone down many routes,even MP, where do you think you will go next, on the roof of big ben?!!!!!!!

Some nrps male or female grow up and the bond with their kids only grows stronger through it, some wonder why their kids dont see them and blame the rp, when in fact if they wanted to see them they could fight through channels, if they dont fight they really cant be bothered and jsut prefer to moan, oh poor me, hard done by, wicked ex not letting me see my kids.

Stop blaming everyone and look in the mirror and maybe that big big chip might go one day.

gillypkk

Transformer wrote: »

Not all csa cases are so so stressy. My ex 'grew up' learnt his responsibilities dealing with them and only recently said he was happy to pay for the kids and encouraged them to stay in school and university and that he was over the moon the kids new he was paying for them.....

He went from saying the kids were not his to avoid csa to finally admitting they were, to getting very nasty when they became involved blaming me, when I had to fill in the forms on income support say so as at the time they were getting the money and for years they forgot to give me the disregard a week, so yes mistakes happen, yes things can get nasty, but you choose wether you grow up through it and face up to paying fairly, or choose to argue and argue.

No one says allowance etc.....are not allowed or moral if entitled to them, but it is obvious you have gone down many routes,even MP, where do you think you will go next, on the roof of big ben?!!!!!!!

Some nrps male or female grow up and the bond with their kids only grows stronger through it, some wonder why their kids dont see them and blame the rp, when in fact if they wanted to see them they could fight through channels, if they dont fight they really cant be bothered and jsut prefer to moan, oh poor me, hard done by, wicked ex not letting me see my kids.

Stop blaming everyone and look in the mirror and maybe that big big chip might go one day.

:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T
i would love to buy you a drink! :beer:

erdd2

anguk wrote: »

A bit like most government agencies!

Most! You mean there are some thar are not like that, oh please do enlighten me :j

Orville

gillypkk wrote: »

the money goes to the PWC to support the child.

its ridiculous to expect every single penny to be accounted for. it all goes in the pot and is spent. better her lifestyle surely means bettering the kids lives too. Why should the NRP parent pay to better the PWC lifestyle..?

better car means a safer more reliable car. Again why should she have a better car if the NRP pays for it..? Should the PWC not pay for this themselves or at least the majority of it as she would get more use out of it then the kids will.

holiday abroad? kids get a holiday too. AS above, and why can't the kids go for a holiday abroad with the NRP?.

you are full of every excuse in the book. and you have created more.

if the CSA did something illegal take them to court and while you are at it raise a contact order! who stated they owed you the money? the fraud office? what powers do they have to get you the money back?

go to the press about it all. ive not heard anything about all this "illegal" carry on and im pretty sure the newspaper would have a field day with this story! stop expect other people to do the work for you and start doing some of it yourself!

It seems to me going by your posts above that you expect the NRP to pay to better your life aswell as the kids. I'm sorry but if you want a better life including cars and holidays etc, maybe you should work a bit more yourself so you can afford to..?. Oh and by the way i am a male PWC who works 2 jobs so i can take my child on holidays etc, any money i get from my ex does not goto better my lifestyle and nor do i expect it to.

erdd2

gillypkk wrote: »

op: "sorry eldest kids. i didnt pay for you growing up or see you coz i didnt want to sacrifice my lifestyle in order to give you money and save up to fund the legal action to enforce the contact order. Instead I chose to stay at home and raise your little half brother."

kids: "thats ok daddy as long as your life was comfortable and you got to be with our baby brother thats all that matters."

is this what the OP is hoping when his kids come looking?

Dunno the answer but the scenario you describe sounds a likely outcome...as someone earlier said....poor kids...and not only in monetary value!

Orville

Transformer wrote: »

Not all csa cases are so so stressy. My ex 'grew up' learnt his responsibilities dealing with them and only recently said he was happy to pay for the kids and encouraged them to stay in school and university and that he was over the moon the kids new he was paying for them.....

He went from saying the kids were not his to avoid csa to finally admitting they were, to getting very nasty when they became involved blaming me, when I had to fill in the forms on income support say so as at the time they were getting the money and for years they forgot to give me the disregard a week, so yes mistakes happen, yes things can get nasty, but you choose wether you grow up through it and face up to paying fairly, or choose to argue and argue.

No one says allowance etc.....are not allowed or moral if entitled to them, but it is obvious you have gone down many routes,even MP, where do you think you will go next, on the roof of big ben?!!!!!!!

Some nrps male or female grow up and the bond with their kids only grows stronger through it, some wonder why their kids dont see them and blame the rp, when in fact if they wanted to see them they could fight through channels, if they dont fight they really cant be bothered and jsut prefer to moan, oh poor me, hard done by, wicked ex not letting me see my kids.

Stop blaming everyone and look in the mirror and maybe that big big chip might go one day.

So you allowed your ex to see your kids at all times did you..?

Transformer

YES I DID.

He had to on social services command use contact centre at first due to his violence, and he never bothered turning up to the sessions, but yes he had them available.

He now sees the kids and the kids sat me down and said he had had a frank talk with them, even down to he admitted hitting me when beggign for the money for a pack of nappies when he wanted a visit to the pub in stead.

He said he had been wrong had acted poorly and had found it hard whilst he wanted the kids he had trouble facing up to he had to pay for his kids and our young couple lifestyle suddenly changed.

My kids said he said I was an excellent mum and my kids said they loved him so so much.

They see him when can due to shifts and he does live a way a way, but for instance a few weeks ago he just turned up out of the blue now knowing we could trust him again in our presence and he took the kids out.

They had a whale of a time and love him so much.

The past does not matter, he and I grew up and all along despite originals moans and evasion, he later found he had more fun paying for his kids.

No resident parent should better themselves out of the payments and since the csa money is now not counted as income my kids dad now sees how much better the kids are off by it. My son starts sixth form soon and he was able to text to his dad, mum used your money today to buy me two smart suits from boss and co, I look a cool dude.

Thanks dad.

I notice he still has his cute bum and I can actually smile when he is near again, a nice way for a nasty split to end He is happy elsewhere now and my kids are happy, thats what counts for me. You see they have their dad back fully and there is no friction at all.

So depends of two people wether it works or not and the poor kids have to suffer when it does not.

gillypkk

Orville wrote: »

It seems to me going by your posts above that you expect the NRP to pay to better your life aswell as the kids. I'm sorry but if you want a better life including cars and holidays etc, maybe you should work a bit more yourself so you can afford to..?. Oh and by the way i am a male PWC who works 2 jobs so i can take my child on holidays etc, any money i get from my ex does not goto better my lifestyle and nor do i expect it to.

obviously im not expecting the NRP to pay for these things but im just stating that what he sees as her having a better lifestyle is better for the kids. no way would she be getting all this based on his CSA alone!

Orville

Transformer wrote: »

YES I DID.

He had to on social services command use contact centre at first due to his violence, and he never bothered turning up to the sessions, but yes he had them available.

He now sees the kids and the kids sat me down and said he had had a frank talk with them, even down to he admitted hitting me when beggign for the money for a pack of nappies when he wanted a visit to the pub in stead.

He said he had been wrong had acted poorly and had found it hard whilst he wanted the kids he had trouble facing up to he had to pay for his kids and our young couple lifestyle suddenly changed.

My kids said he said I was an excellent mum and my kids said they loved him so so much.

They see him when can due to shifts and he does live a way a way, but for instance a few weeks ago he just turned up out of the blue now knowing we could trust him again in our presence and he took the kids out.

They had a whale of a time and love him so much.

The past does not matter, he and I grew up and all along despite originals moans and evasion, he later found he had more fun paying for his kids.

No resident parent should better themselves out of the payments and since the csa money is now not counted as income my kids dad now sees how much better the kids are of my it. My son starts sixth form soon and he was able to text to his dad, mum used your money today to buy me two smart suits from boss and co, I look a cool dude.

Thanks dad.

I notice he still has his cute bum and I can actually smile when he is near again, a nice way for a nasty split to end He is happy elsewhere now and my kids are happy, thats what counts for me.

But there is the difference, his ex is refusing to let him see the kids. This does not stem from him refusing to pay childcare, it stems from her not getting the house etc in a divorce settlement. (Or at least that is how i have read the op's previous posts.)

What you guys seem to be forgetting here is that it is not the op who started this, it is the PWC who for whatever reason seems to be very bitter. If you ask me you should be having more of a go at her.

Orville

gillypkk wrote: »

obviously im not expecting the NRP to pay for these things but im just stating that what he sees as her having a better lifestyle is better for the kids. no way would she be getting all this based on his CSA alone!

Then you should word your posts better. To me it looked like that was exactly what you were saying.