marriage and depression please help

hurtandconfused_2

Have text him the link, he prob wont read it an say he's to busy at work. I text him yesterday saying how I felt and it was just ignored . Feel kicked down by it all and like this time I don't kniw how to get up

Lotus-eater

10mg of Citalopram isn't very much at all, the doctor can't think he's very bad. How much of what you don't like is really him, not depression?

hurtandconfused_2

He has only seen the doctor once and was supposed to be continually assessed, all I know is when he was on the tablets he was happier, talkative, less anxious , pro active in our relationship .

Whether the tablets caused that, talking about it to doctor and to me I don't know . You can't honestly agree his behavior is normal

hurtandconfused_2

I'm becoming confused of where the depression ends and where he starts because of his furious denial . I'm trying to work out whether this is who is is now or whether its depression as obviously if its his depression we could try and resolve it to a certain degree. It's very hard to know when he's acting the same as he was during that initial ten week period

But if he doesn't love me and he's not depressed why would he stay ?

k3lvc

Hope you don't mind if I speak from the other side of the fence. I spent a damn site more than 10 weeks being the moody pig that you refer to before I went to the docs (and that was 2½ years ago) - it was the best thing I ever did but it's not a short term solution. Citalopram is great once it's kicked in but it doesn't solve the underlying issues that still need addressing so, as you've found, if he stops taking it the issues are still there.

I was lucky that private healthcare kicked in and I spent many outpatient sessions on CBT at The Priory - if you've not got private healthcare then there are cheaper places at £60-£100 per session and loads of books both you and he can read -Amazon is a great source of info.

I ended up with 9 months off work, moved 'home' (i.e. out of the London Rat Race) but I'm still taking the tablets although on a lower dose than previously. I can tell on the days I've forgotten to take one by about 2pm so know I'm not 'cured'.

Feel free to PM if you need more info/advice but the key bits are

Make sure he keeps taking the tablets
Sort some therapy (still some stigma attached for 'strong' men)
Look after yourself

hurtandconfused_2

Thankyou , when I say ten weeks it was apparent before that but the ten weeks were constant every day hell and it was breaking point . The doctor did mention cognitive behavior therapy but I don't know if he would go . I feel so confused whether it is depressiion or just who he now is. How do you know ? I feel like I'm going mad myself questioning it .

We aren't well off so any therapy would have to be through the nhs . I don't know how to address it at all if he is saying its just how he is

k3lvc

It isn't 'how he is' - it's either how he chooses to be or how his illness makes him.

CBT is available through NHS depending on your region but likely with a significant waiting list.

Books are available from the library and there's loads of info online (but don't get stuck behind a PC screen as that doesn't help).

Fresh air, exercise and healthy eating (inc no alcohol) are great healers - also worth talking to his employers HR Team (or Occupational Health Team if it's a large employer)

sennheiser

TBH he just sound thoroughly bored with life, and with the relationship, in fact you say he basically said this to the doctor.
Does he have many friends, does he go out? Do you do things apart? I don't think it was coincidence this started happening just before the wedding either.
All the best I hope you get through it.

sibles

I agree with k3lvc on the therapy front, if you can get him to go, my docs gave me 8 sessions for free, then I paid, best decision i ever made.
I'm not a manic depressive, but before I got help I was horrid, thankfully my boyfriend saw through the depression.

I've been off my ad's for nearly 3 months and its hard, but a great feeling.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this horrible period. Is it possible for you to talk to someone? I'd suggest mind would be a good starting point. I wish I could give you some proper advice.
Take care

hurtandconfused_2

Yes we do things , but were on a tight income . We go out together to cinema / meals ect . He plays football every monday. He doesn't really go out with mates very often as he is very quiet but last month he went to a party , the weekend after we went out with my friends and we have been to wales for a week.

I wanted to put the wedding on hold but he said he wanted to get married .

He wouldn't want work to know , its very small only four people including him, he works with computers and is forever on one even at home, maybe that makes it worse ?