alzheimer questions

sheilavw

Hi just an update. Took Mum monday t time, seemed fine, told her hotel, as looks like one, porters, luxurious etc. Seemed fine, left her tuesday and went today. She doesnt like it, quite weepy etc. Between us we are staying with my brother who has downs syndrome (44). I stayed with him first night, he was really upset, they have never been apart. Today he just wanted to bring her home and he was tearful too. I just dont know the answer. I dont begrudge one minute of the time I spend there if she would just settle when I left. Its the danger of the constant wandering thats the problem. Will see what tomorrow brings

BungleGirl

sheilavw - it's so difficult at the start. Mum was very tearful and kept saying "right girls - let's get out of here now and go for a drink!" - it was so very difficult and upsetting. It was so hard to leave after every visit. Take advice from the staff there, they deal with the same situations day-to-day and will be best placed on how to handle leaving after visiting. We found that it helped if one of the staff sat with mum or took her for a walk as we were leaving helped. I really feel for you, especially with the difficulty of your brother finding it so difficult too.

Please take some time to look after yourself and if there is a suitable local support group, contact them and see if it is something that you think may help you. We didn't find anything suitable locally as the support groups are mainly set up for partners of elderly sufferers. I did find it very helpful talking to the relatives of the other people at the home that mum is in. Sometimes, just to speak to someone dealing with similar things is so helpful.

I do wish that I had sought some support from the start - I ended up just bottling everything up. A couple of months ago, I went with my husband for lunch at a local hotel and there was a group of people talking about Alzheimer's and I worked out that they were a support group. I told my husband that I was going to speak to them and I went and introduced myself and talked about mum...it was very emotional and they were all lovely. It was the first time that I had really spoken to anyone about it other than close family/friends.

(((HUGS))) to you and your family at a very difficult time. x

Savvy_Sue

BungleGirl wrote: »

I've just realised that my post above may seem quite hard hearted and without feeling. It's just that this has been part of my life for so long and I think I have switched off my emotions a bit - otherwise I think that I would be a mess all of the time!

FWIW, I thought your previous post came across fine! You've given some excellent and practical advice, and you've acknowledged that it's a difficult time emotionally for everyone. Good combination!

sheilavw

Thanks Bungle Girl. The difficult part for us is that we are dealing with two people. We feel for David because even though shes put him through a lot he really loves his mum, he sings Mother of Mine all the time to her! Ill keep you all updated.

sheilavw

Hi visited tonight and seemed a lot brighter. The taxi collected her from the memory clinic for the class which is running for 5 or 6 weeks, then organist/ sing along this afternoon. All in all a lot better, so David happier too.

spaghetti_monster

Hi all,
Have been away - actually was visiting my family so had a chance to go and see my father several times in the hospital. We're going to wait until the beginning of August - then there will be an official conclusion to his assessment, with SS present to see what will happen and where will be suitable for him to go.

ABC CMYK thanks for your comments. It's interesting what you say about your mother deteriorating when she was taken to hospital - exactly the same happened to my dad. It's hard to understand as he really doesn't know what's going on - but obviously on some level he does, or rather is experiencing the stress of it all in his own way.
We started noticing symptoms about 4/5 years ago and got a diagnosis and lots more help for him about 2 years ago. The last year he's gone downhill so rapidly, but I guess you never know how fast/slow this disease will progress.
There are so many things to tell about his behaviour, but one recent thing that sticks in my mind - Like I said we are in the sad situation that dad regards mum (Loyal, loving and self sacrificing 24/7 carer) as enemy no.1 and it's been hard to tolerate and understand his insults/aggression etc. The other day he turned to her and said in this pleading/heart breaking voice "how could you be so nasty?!" It highlighted for me just how different his reality is.

Bungle Girl I didn't think your post sounded hard-hearted at all, far from it. I guess because it's a long term disease you get used to it in some ways. Although less and less often, my dad still looks and sounds a bit like the old dad.... and I find it a bit odd sometimes when people hear about the situation and say "Oh, I'm so sorry!". I think - hang on! that's what you say when someone dies, and he's not dead! But now and again it hits me that he really is gone.

SheilaI'm glad your mum is settling in better. I sometimes wonder if my dad's transition to a home would have been smoother and less traumatic if it had been done sooner when he might have understood a bit more, but whatever you do it's really difficult. It seems like a good place that you mum's gone to.