alzheimer questions

Just_Plain_Jane

spaghetti_monster wrote: »

If instead you tell a white lie or make up a little story, they might then feel satisfied/happy that things are OK - and this more contented feeling stays with them instead.

I found myself doing this with my Dad.

He kept asking where his mum was - she died 30 years previously. When reminded of this he was visibly upset and shocked that he hadn't remembered. After a few minutes, you could see he was still upset but didn't know why.

I started telling him she'd nipped to the shops when he asked. After a few minutes he forgot he'd asked, but wasn't left with a negative feeling.

Also, trying to convince him he'd already had lunch when he was adamant he hadn't was difficult. I used to just say yes, I'll make you a sandwich soon and he would forget that too.

spaghetti_monster

katsclaws wrote: »

Hello spaghetti monster. Please go to the Alzheimer's Society website. There are lots of factsheets and also a fantastic forum called Talking Point. You will find lots of help and support there.

katsclaws

Hi,
this is a great website. My Mum got a computer not so long ago and I introduced her to it and the idea of forums and she now checks the talking point forum regularly, which is really good for her I think not to feel so isolated and read similar stories.
So I felt a bit awkward about posting there, knowing she would read it, and am a regular poster here and know there are lots of good opinions...

Actually, I'm finding it quite difficult to find answers even there to my questions (maybe there aren't any... and I just have to be patient, see how Dad does in hospital and what they suggest from there).

I was shocked by how the dementia care home reacted to him after his week there - they couldn't cope very well and upset my Mum. She called to ask how things were going during the week and got told "OMG, really awful!", which I thought was very unprofessional.

He needs help with everything - washing, dressing, toilet (and now eating too) and will be up and about all night sometimes - and can quickly become aggressive and then violent when help is given. He will probably now also need more help for other medical problems that are coming up. So I just wonder what kind of a place he will end up in.

spaghetti_monster

Just_Plain_Jane wrote: »

I found myself doing this with my Dad.

He kept asking where his mum was - she died 30 years previously. When reminded of this he was visibly upset and shocked that he hadn't remembered. After a few minutes, you could see he was still upset but didn't know why.

I started telling him she'd nipped to the shops when he asked. After a few minutes he forgot he'd asked, but wasn't left with a negative feeling.

Also, trying to convince him he'd already had lunch when he was adamant he hadn't was difficult. I used to just say yes, I'll make you a sandwich soon and he would forget that too.

My Mum has been doing a great job with Dad - she often knows just what to say to him in certain situations to get him off the subject/calm him down. It's quite an art!

Mojisola

spaghetti_monster wrote: »

Mum was getting attendance allowance, but immediately called to stop this when Dad went to hospital.
If anyone knows anything else to watch out for......

Do you mean your Dad was getting Attendance Allowance or that your Mum was claiming Carer's Allowance? Your Dad could have received AA for the first four weeks that he was in hospital. CA could have continued until the AA stopped.

Definitely keep in touch with Adult Social Services so that your Mum and the family have some input into where he ends up. Contact AgeUK and get all the help from them you can.

My Mum isn't as bad as your Dad and we still have her at home. If the situation changes and she needs to move into residential care, I will be looking for somewhere that works on the same lines as "Contented Dementia".

spaghetti_monster

Mojisola wrote: »

Do you mean your Dad was getting Attendance Allowance or that your Mum was claiming Carer's Allowance? Your Dad could have received AA for the first four weeks that he was in hospital. CA could have continued until the AA stopped.

Sorry, that's what I meant - I think she got just AA for Dad (no CA), contacted SS and they said she's get it for another 4 weeks.

ladybez

Sorry to butt in on someone elses thread!! Both FIL and MIL have dementia, FIL's is much more advanced than MIL (she just gets a little confused at times, but often self-corrects and says "that was silly of me") FIL is becoming increasingly aggressive, MIL is his carer (won't apply for any allowances, but that is another issue). The book being mentioned (Contented Dementia) how easy is it to read? Am wondering about getting it for MIL but if it is full of medical terms and jargon, it may be beyond her. Any thoughts please?

Mojisola

ladybez wrote: »

The book being mentioned (Contented Dementia) how easy is it to read? Am wondering about getting it for MIL but if it is full of medical terms and jargon, it may be beyond her. Any thoughts please?

It's not hard to read. I found it difficult getting into it initially because it starts off with examples of people who are far down the road and I couldn't see how that would apply to our situation. It's worth reading it through because the method becomes clearer and you will be able to pick out techniques that suit your situation.

It might be better for you to read it first and then talk about the method with your MIL.

spaghetti_monster

I'll second that, it was easy to read. I find examples of real life situations make it easier to understand.

loulou123

I work in a care home for elderly people with various mental health probleme (the majority with some kind of dementia) from those with early onset problems to those at the end of the illness.

My grandmother also had early onset dementia, so i have a personal understanding the problem too.

The most important thing is too find a care home that you will happy putting your dad into - where the staff are friendly, the residents look happy, well cared for etc. My best tip would be to visit a few unannounced (without phoning up for a appointment) as you will then get a more truthful representation of the home. Im pretty sure social services can help here, by suggesting some suitable places etc.

Then at my home (dont know if its the same for them all) the manager or one of the trained nurses, will go to the hospital to see your dad, to access what his needs are etc, dicuss any potiential problems etc. Then if the manager is happy and you and your father are happy, a date for the move to happen will be arranged - its at this point funding and the legal side need to be sorted out.

Some care homes that specialise in dementia, are only really set up for the early stages of the illness, which is why i presume some people end up not staying there if they show challenging behaviour, but many homes are fantastic, even with the really difficult cases - those with highly aggressive/changable/demanding behaviours. Ive been at my home for nearly 4 years and we have never had to move anyone on as we cannot cope with them, but have had plenty of patients from other homes where they have said this!

If you have any questions please PM me, or if you just want to talk.

meritaten

my nan lived out her last years in the sort of unit you describe. she was cared for at home for at least 12 years until she became unmanagable by her daughter and the rest of the family. I cant say if she was happy there but at least she never harmed anyone or herself and seemed reasonably contented. Before she went in she didnt recognise ANY of her family and seemed to detest women in particular. She was extremely strong physically, but her brain deteriorated to the extent she went into semi consciousness - then coma. The doctors said that they almost never saw this - often the physical body gives out first. I am going to be very honest here - brutally so, some may think - but it was a real relief to the family when she finally died. not that we wished her dead, but it was so painful to watch the last months. The aunt who cared for her has now also died - she too had Alzhiemers but her body failed her before her brain did - and in a way it was much kinder on her and the family! sorry to be so negative - but until they find a cure for Alzhiemers the outcome is never going to be good. all you can do is take the best care of them that you can. Then try to remember them only in pre-alzheimer days.