Custody problem with 6month old

magee737

I hope someone can help me

Me and my ex had a baby on the 1/1/11 we split after about 3 months, where she moved to her mums with my son. Things were going really well seeing him about 3 full days and having him overnight about 3 times a week, she is seeing some1 abroad from france who she has recently met, she asked me to have hime for 4 days in august as to which i happily agreed to.

However yesterday she text me out the blue saying that she is not happy with me having him as often as i have been and is saying i can only have him 1 night a week and for 2 days 10-5.

I said im not happy with this, and why has she not got a problem when she is clearing off to france, she then said fine she will take him with her, i said ok can i take him to scotland (family live there) when he gets back, she just said "no".

i want to go for joint custody, and i cant see how i wont achieve this, i have a job that could easily fit around my boy, my own place, no criminal record.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Sambucus_Nigra

Did you ask why she isn't happy with this arrangement?

magee737

Not happy because he is spending to much time away from her. He is bottle fed yes, i think she would attend mediation but probably not agree to a 50.50 split. She can leave the country without any say so from me, its a joke

Darlyd

Perhaps you should go see a solicitor for proper advice.

Wish you luck

magee737

Yea would you advise the cab or straight to solicitors?

magee737

We live within 500 yards of one another so schools etc wouldnt be a problem. Could i recieve financial aid or any help money wise?

make_me_wise

All depends on your financial situation with regard to help. I would speak to CAB and see what they advise. I have not personally been in your position but really feel for you. Must be awful to be faced with wrangling over when you can see your child. Is there anyway you can discuss this with your ex without involving solicitors etc. I get the uneasy feeling that she may feel it is all heavy handed and she could make an irrational decision.

magee737

make_me_wise wrote: »

All depends on your financial situation with regard to help. I would speak to CAB and see what they advise. I have not personally been in your position but really feel for you. Must be awful to be faced with wrangling over when you can see your child. Is there anyway you can discuss this with your ex without involving solicitors etc. I get the uneasy feeling that she may feel it is all heavy handed and she could make an irrational decision.

I have never felt as low as i do at this minute in time, i just cant understand this massive change of heart. How she can go to france to introduce him to some one she has known barely a month, yet she is uneasy me taking him to see my family in scotland. I think she is evil

make_me_wise

I am going to say this as I see it and hope it can help a little. She had a baby 6 months ago. Your emotions can be all over the place for a while after, hormones and all. Sleep deprivation can also play havoc with your ability to rationalise. On top of all this she has split up with you. No-one walks away from a relationship unhurt.

You probably dont recognise her at all at the moment. Am I right?
At one point access was running smoothly and now there is chopping and changing of moods and irrational behaviour.

As hard as it may be to do, when you feel that your feelings and rights are being white-washed, try to talk things through with her. She may be in a real panic right now about trying to stay on top of things and proving to herself that she can cope. Of course your continued support and willingness to share the responsibility of your son would be of help to her, but maybe she cant see that right now.

Are you in phone contact with her? If so ring her, and ask if you two can meet up and talk about how to be the best possible parents you can to your son. Dont mention how it would benefit you or her, just him. If she wont talk, write a letter and tell her how much he means to you and that you wish to be a great dad to him and take your full share of responibility for him.

magee737

make_me_wise wrote: »

I am going to say this as I see it and hope it can help a little. She had a baby 6 months ago. Your emotions can be all over the place for a while after, hormones and all. Sleep deprivation can also play havoc with your ability to rationalise. On top of all this she has split up with you. No-one walks away from a relationship unhurt.

You probably dont recognise her at all at the moment. Am I right?
At one point access was running smoothly and now there is chopping and changing of moods and irrational behaviour.

As hard as it may be to do, when you feel that your feelings and rights are being white-washed, try to talk things through with her. She may be in a real panic right now about trying to stay on top of things and proving to herself that she can cope. Of course your continued support and willingness to share the responsibility of your son would be of help to her, but maybe she cant see that right now.

Are you in phone contact with her? If so ring her, and ask if you two can meet up and talk about how to be the best possible parents you can to your son. Dont mention how it would benefit you or her, just him. If she wont talk, write a letter and tell her how much he means to you and that you wish to be a great dad to him and take your full share of responibility for him.

Yes your right, i dont recognise her at all, i think she may be slightly ill, again im concerned her mum and friends are putting her straight on anything, its wrong.

We have arranged to meet up tomorrow but in all honesty im not holding my breath im just hope common sense prevails.

Thank you so very much for taking the time to advise on my situation, :A

make_me_wise

She may be suffering from post natal depression. A friend of mine had it with her first child. I dont know too much about it to be honest but I do remember that she had this irrational fear of letting anyone else care for the baby. It nearly always had to be in her care. Others weren't allowed to do much for it, even her husband. The resulting effect was that she ran herself into the ground trying to cope and 'had' to prove herself in her mind.

I really hope things go well when you two meet tomorrow. I would suggest sending her a text a while before you are due to meet asking if there is anything you can bring over with you for your son, nappies, formula etc. Show her, not that you need to but it may just help, that your main concern is your sons welfare.

I am sure this wont be easy, as your natural emotions at wanting to see your son will be overwhelming, but whatever she says stay calm. Dont give her any reason to cut the meeting short. keep trying to compromise and come to a solution that suits both of you.
Tell her that whatever help she wants for the baby you will be there and work with her. I really hope if she sees you are willing to reason with her she might open up and accept help. Reverse phsycology (sp, my brains not in gear, lol!!!!!)