Buffy and the H fund..............

Buffythedebtslayer

I wasn't going to write this post. been putting it off all night!

The party was good in someways and hard in others. The last time we went to their house was ten years ago, when my Dad was alive.

It will be five years next month since we lost him. Seeing people last night was mixed for obvious reasons. They are lovely people. We don't see them at all. Mum won't go visit and until recently I haven't been able to drive to visit.

It was embarrassing to be still living at home to be told by my lovely 27 year old cousin don't move out its really hard! I feel I should point out I did move when at uni and afterwards but came home due to my parents retirement plans - which due to my sister's divorce (and then my Dad's illness) didn't happen. It was a waiting game for a few years and then suddenly this life.

I can't help it, I FEEL like a failure. I know I have stuff going for me, I know its all possible, I know being debt free is huge but it is one of those things you can't shout about (apart from here!) I can't say I paid of 25 grand in 3 and 1/2 years. well I can but how much of a prat to get into debt in the first place. Yes I know 20/20 hindsight etc. But when you look at it in black and white i am 35 years old, living with my 74 year old Mum. I can't catch a cold let a lone a boyfriend and I have no assets. oh and I am overweight.

I want to be able to get on with things freely. I know that means I need to move out. Its very hard you need to always be thinking long term and I don't naturally do that, I am more instant gratification gal - hence the debt and the clutter and the disorganisation. I do know it doesn't work. I know the horrible stress I had before my holiday, the utter horror of the state of my room and conservatory after being away just makes me feel like an idiot. I do remember how good it felt to be debt free especially shot of that loan so I am realising that things you really want are worth waiting for. And I do want a house of my own, I want to have a home. I know I could rent but I would never be able to save then and if I am giving someone money I would rather it be my Mum...........

I know this and yet sometimes when I feel exposed like at the party or meeting new people or even here when everyone says move out I want to shout I KNOW! I know I look like a geek and weirdo, I know I look sad and pathetic but I cannot leave the house unfinished and I do want a house.

So that is it. hard as it I am making it, these are the choices I am making. Geek Weirdo freak is going to sort the house and save for the deposit. Regardless of how much Mum is driving me utterly insane at the moment!

So, aside from the chucking my crap out and dieting I think I shall go make appointments at the banks and see exactly what I am aiming for re deposit.....That will give me a time frame/figure to play with. If I put an end in sight it will be easier. I reckon another year max. but we shall actually ask the bank before being definite.

Its just tough I think after being so pleased with the holiday (seems like weeks ago now) to come back to an emotional family thing and a typical Sunday which predictably I wasted being asleep and down on myself.

So a dip in the new plan, a pause to take stuff in and consider.

and bed is calling now.

night folks

xxxxx

Shoe_Gal

No advice really Buffy except to say that I am having a bit of a 'bleurghh' Monday too!

Onwards and upwards - remember (as Lula would say!) - we're F Fabulous!

Emzilla

Sending you virtual hugs Buffy ((((())))))

My mum used to drive me a bit mad when I lived with her, even though I love her to bits. When I moved out of home, it was a couple of years after my dad died. I knew I had to do it, but I felt super guilty leaving my mum on her own. I only really did it because she downsized and moved into a flat. I kind of took that as my opportunity to move. Do you feel like you can't move because of your mum? I'm not sure if this is an obstacle for you or not, but I just remember that's how I felt.

Seeing what kind of deposit you need to save is a great idea. You could then try and work out how long it would take you, and you could see some light at the end of the tunnel.

And please don't think that you are a failure - you're not. You have a good job, no debts and good friends. You will get your own place, but you simply aren't going to waste your money renting in the meantime (which I do).

Chin up Buffy :A

Emz xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Emz you hit the nail on the head. I did think Mum would stay with my sister more and in order to do that she would need my rent money (Sis lives in USA) but she hasn't so far - she goes for 6 weeks and even that is expensive. I thought I would eventually get more time in the house myself but I don't. Even today I got rid of 8/9 bags of old school stuff and she said oh but you still have that stuff in the conservatory.................yeah thanks Mum. She is just so negative and I hate writing that but every time I think yep here goes she'll say something about you should have done this or what a shame you never.......etc That is actually what finished me off on Saturday/ friday I couldn't cope with the focus on what wasn't done all the bloody time.

Any way I shouldn't be negative about it as well that won't help. cheers thoxxx

I am going to Fly lady and just putting the list here to remind me
am back out to the shed now

xxx


Monday ~ Living room, Hall, Stairs and Porch!
Level One
Declutter all the floors
Tidy away the coats and bags and shoes and umbrellas etc
Level Two
Vacuum all the floors, shake the muck out of any mats
Dust and polish any electricals
Wipe and water and plants
Level Three
Check all those smoke alarms!
straighten any books/CDs/DVDs etc on shelves
Tidy and clean the porch
Extras
Wash any windows in need
Wipe over sofas if needed
Clean the mantle.. polish and put back only what is meant to be there.
Wipe skirtings and dados and door frames!

youareallhelpingme

Morning Buffy, thanks for your support x

No suprise that you had a low after the holiday and the party. But when you read what you put you havent lost focus. Your mum will never change, maybe she feels guilty that she doesn't do enough, or doesn't know how to help you with the "stuff" that is there.

Going to the bank is a great idea. If your record is good enough there are some lower deposit mortgages coming back again and prices are dropping fast so maybe in a year it will be even more affordable. Then you can have a proper office, your GPs and fish where you want,etc etc - get my drift

Different_Corner

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I
I know this and yet sometimes when I feel exposed like at the party or meeting new people or even here when everyone says move out I want to shout I KNOW! I know I look like a geek and weirdo, I know I look sad and pathetic but I cannot leave the house unfinished and I do want a house.


xxxxx

Morning Buffy
You know I am so with you, I forever justify myself to people, and really there is no need. What people think about me is up to them, and they are usually to worried what other people think of them to be concerned by our personal identity.

So today (and I said this an hour ago on my diary hmm ...distraction therapy at work here) I too am decluttering, making it all look like a home. It only takes one hour of a fling boogie to make you feel good and a little more in control.

I totally get the instant gratification thing, if I buy a lottery ticket I want the draw to take place within 10 minutes !

Go to the bank, give yourself a goal, I know long term thinking isn't easy, but my Mum always says that 'things do actually work themselves out.' Not a particularly deep and thought provoking quote but she's right.

So I'm with you, black bags at the ready

beanielou

Errr Buffy you do not look like a geek or a weirdo.Fact.

Buffythedebtslayer

Ok folks, my good friend LouiseJ was shocked to discover that I didn't have an ISA.

My lack of knowledge is rubbish but I never needed to know before! I did open an ISA years ago but never used it.

In my savings account I have 1650.

Ideally I would like to move 1000 to an ISA - I have read about them now and think I want the AA one.

keep the 650 for emergencies

Aug pay - 500 to Isa and maybe 500 to emergency fund (I feel this will be soaked up by the car!)

Sept pay - 500 to Isa and 500 to emergency fund (to keep it at a 1000 and anything over and above to go to Isa)

Oct Pay - set aside 500 for Christmas maybe more :oall spare cash to Isa.

November - Buy a one year bond to cover next Christmas (£500?)

December - Isa again.

Opinions please

xxxx

needingaccountability

Sounds like a plan, I have myself just started an ISA this year, previously knowing of their existence but not having a clue what they were, duh! though having said that never really saved properly for a long time so I've not missed much of the benefits so far.

Sticking your £500 away for next year in a bond sounds like an excellent plan. Planning to do that myself with money the I'm saving for Mortgage shortfall.

Buffythedebtslayer

I guess logically I should "fill up" the ISA first but the peace of mind that Christmas is paid for would be amazing. This is such a switch around from my previous thinking. Its very weird to be writing this post. I suppose I shouldn't really post here but the savings board doesn't have a fun bit for diaries!

xxx