Frugal Frump to Fab/Winter Solstice

vasseur

I did the Oil Cleansing Method for the first time last night. I think my skin looked fabulous when I'd finished doing the washcloth bit - really bright and dewy but then by the time I'd got into bed my face started to feel really tight. I think I need to play around with the oil ratios but definitely going to persevere for now at least.

I'm wearing perfume today - Next Just Pink. I love it because it smells like Ralph Lauren Romance

I'm also the highest bidder on another perfume on eBay but it doesn't end till tomorrow at 8pm :eek: if I win it, it will be such a bargain.

I hope everyone is feeling a bit chirpier now. It has stayed dry here all day (so far )

Carmen

Good afternoon ladies and lurkers (come and join us)

Welcome Skips and Buffy
Skips, you certainly have your hands full, well done for making some ME TIME for yourself. Look forward to reading about your progress.

Tru, I also find writing down my frustrations very helpful, I tend to keep things locked up inside so this 'hate book' option really works for me.

I love watching jets fly, the lower the better :cool:

Twinnie, what a good idea to change O/H bedroom to accommodate space for you.

Sorry to hear some of you have been feeling a bit low/poorly, wishing you well.


Be back later

lessonlearned

maman wrote: »

ever felt like no one sees you?

:grouphug:sending you this Lizzie, 'cos it sounds like you need it (and for anyone else to share:)). I do understand where you're coming from with that invisible feeling. I went through that a few years ago when I felt that was the the attitude of people out and about (shop assistants etc) to me. It was in sharp contrast to my job at the time where I was i/c and so very much noticed. I'm not making light of anyone with genuine depression but in my case I think it was mainly a case of tiredness, looking like a bag lady and needing to come to terms with getting older. I think (and I hope this doesn't sound too dramatic) but I was sort of grieving for the slim, vivacious, interesting person I used to be. I remember going into town, needing to buy new clothes but not fancying any and really hating myself.

I've since given up the job, although at first that was really tough because it had been so time consuming and part of my identity. I've cut down on my wine consumption and best of all lost weight!! This may sound like a very superficial solution but it's worked for me! I still get some guilt feelings that I'm looking after my body and neglecting my mind but I'll get there.

If you're still with me, thanks for listening!;) I think what I'm trying to say is that if you can look confident then you can act confident and people respond to you differently.

.

Hi Everyone

I've taken the liberty of quoting you Maman because it perfectly encapsulates part of what I wanted to say to answer Lizzie, Bratz & Tru and of course to any others who are feeling rather down at the moment.

I was especially taken with the "grieving for the slim, vivacious, interesting person I used to be" bit.

This is a fascinating concept and I think there's a lot of wisdom here. I think that part of our slide into frumpdom is this very loss of identity we often experience. We are so busy being all things to all people - mums, partners, daughters to elderly parents, work colleagues - you name it - we are at risk of losing "ourselves" somewhere along the way.

However, what I also wanted to say was this. Although the Frump to Fab appears to consider our outside - pampering, skin care, clothes, grooming etc - there is a much deeper significance to it all.

There are the positive physical health benefits which very quickly become quite obvious, we lose weight, we feel better, BP & cholesterol comes down etc. However there are some very real emotional and psychological benefits too.

Sorry going to split the post - just in case I lose it ..................

lessonlearned

The "old hands" - sorry:o - from the original post will I think agree with this - as we progress along our journey from frump to fab we start to think differently about our lives in general. We begin to see the benefits of taking time out for ourselves and we start to feel much stronger mentally and emotionally.

Now newbies you must remember that the peeps have been doing this since I think it was the end of November. So that's coming up to about 8 months now, so although we may not have attained all our goals yet we are definitely all feeling much brighter and more positive.

At the beginning of my own personal journey I was an absolute wreck - exhausted, ill and very fragile. I couldn't sleep, I was a mass of aches and pains and I spent most of my waking hours in floods of tears.

I refused anti-depressants and counselling because I knew full well what the problem was - OH's illness and being a full-time carer for 5 years. Tablets and chat would have been merely bandaids. What I really needed to do was confront my life head on and deal with it.

You newbies are just at the beginning of your journey and it may well take some time before you really start to reap the benefits. It's not even a month yet - so my advice is - as we've said all along - gently does it, be kind to yourselves and just take baby steps.

The one thing I will say is this - although I've not met you in the flesh as it were I would say that you are already starting to feel some benefits.

Why do I say this. Well I can tell from the tone of your posts that you are really starting to think about your lives and to ask questions about what you really want.

Tru - with your "hate book" - love it - far better than bottling it all up. Lizzie with your comments about disappointing friends and feeling invisible. Bratz confronting her depression and lack of confidence.

Your posts suggest to me that you are starting to question the status quo and that you are no longer prepared to put up with all those negative feelings and emotions, you want people to treat you better etc. I would suggest that this is a huge leap forward - it shows that you are starting to value yourselves and that you want people to respect you and treat you better. Good for you.

Back in a mo .....................

lessonlearned

You can get people to view you differently and treat you with respect. It just takes a bit of confidence on your part.

Some of the ideas I have suggested may sound a little offbeat but all I can say is that they've worked for me.

I spent a great deal of my working life in house sales, mainly on building sites. It's more up to date now and there's very little sexism nowadays (it's a sacking offence) but when I started out over 20 years ago I was very much a woman in a man's world.

I wanted respect from the men on site, contractors, labourers etc and to be taken seriously - from the customers too - I needed to demonstrate that I knew my stuff and wasn't just there for window dressing. I did know my stuff - I just lacked confidence - at first, but as I've said before I'm a fast learner.:rotfl:

We had loads of training courses and I also learned a great deal from my colleagues and mentors.The best lesson I learnt was how to appear confident when really I was quaking in my shoes.

It doesn't take a load of make-up, although a little bit does help to cover up your worst imperfections and gives you a healthy glow and makes you look more groomed.

My best tips for appearing confident are:

Perfect grooming - doesn't have to be "glamour" - just clean and tidy, smell nice.
Perfect posture - tall, straight and proud
No fidgeting - keep hands still, in your pockets if that's the only way you can control them. Don't keep adjusting your clothes, you've done your best with your appearance now forget all about it.
Smile, look people straight in the eye, big wide smile and say "Hello" or "Good morning" or similar.
A pack of mints is a great ice breaker - remember the old "people like polo" adverts. Corny but true

An old boss of mine always offered people a cigarette to break the ice. Of course that won't work now. I always used peppermints (It meant my breath smelt ok too).i

BTW - until 5 years ago I was cursed with a facial birthmark. As a youngster it affected my confidence very badly. I was convinced I was ugly, eventually I came to terms with it when I realised that to people who really cared about me my birthmark was irrelevant.

As I grew in confidence most people didn't even notice it unless it was inflamed. Eventually it became cancerous and five years ago I had to have it surgically removed. I now have a scar - luckily it's faded nicely.

So you see confidence doesn't need to rely on flawless beauty. Even without the birthmark I was always "striking" rather than pretty.

Just keep taking care of yourself and practice your posture - you'll get there. Honest. You may need to fake confidence at first - but here's the thing - if you fake it long enough - you will eventually grow in confidence.

Anyway - my new mantra says it's bedtime and I'll have Maman/B] chasing my tail.:rotfl:

G'night all x

bratz81

lesson learned, thanks so much for your words, they mean a lot and yes you are absolutely right. We are starting out and things take time. I know I, for one, am questioning what I want and how I want to people to treat me, and even who I want to be and this takes time.

Your thoughts/experiences on work really strike a chord with me. I work in IT and it is 80-90% male dominated. You do get a lot of people who think because you're not a guy you don't know what you're talking about, whereas in some jobs I've been better than my male colleagues. Not this one, yet as I'm the relative newbie but we're getting there!

Anyway, I have been keeping up with the wearing perfume, makeup and moisturising after a shower, and it does make me feel better and more together. Apart from yesterday when I slept in and left the house in 15mins flat!!
Posture I have been letting slip...I really do need to work on that. Need someone to give me a kick when they see me slouching!

podperson

Hi all,

Was rushing again this morning (really must start working on my morning routine!) so not feeling very put together but I do have a nice top on which is helping a little. Went to my choir group last night which always picks me up - we're actually doing some shows in the Edinburgh festival which is quite exciting - something I never would have dreamed I would be doing a few years ago. It's things that that really make me appreciate things. Me and OH moved location almost 2 years ago now, we were in a horrible area, I could barely find even temping jobs, OH was suffering from anxiety and depression and basically we just had the feeling that things were never going to change there. It was rather radical but we decided that enough was enough and moved 200 miles away to OHs home town, he's gone back to uni as a mature student and I have, well if not an amazing job then at least a permanent one that pays the bills. It has made me realise more that if I don't like the way things are then it is possible to change them. Obviously there are still things I want to change but as LL says it's about small steps sometimes.

After that positivity though I have a small rant! OH has needed to retake a module at uni and a friend of his said that he would help him with it as he's pretty good at that subject. In return I said I would help his friend with hsi resubmission of an essay as I've done quite a few English modules and usually check OHs essays. They have both left it right to the last minute after having months to do it and his friend was meant to be coming round yesterday to bring his essay and help OH. I got home from my group to find that his friend had brought round his kind of girlfriend (he met her on holiday 2 weeks ago and then she jumped on a plane to come and stay with him but that's another issue entirely!) so they'd got nothing done but he'd left his essay for me to 'have a look at'. It was basically awful and needs completely re-doing so said would go through it with him when he came back to help OH. After much umming and ahhing and 'I can't so-and-so on her own' he's supposed to be coming round tomorrow. Grrrr! It just annoys me that they don't appreciate the opportunities they have - I'm doing Open Uni at the moment as I can't afford to study full time so it's irritating to see people who do have the chance to do it just not take things seriously and then cry about how they might get kicked off their course!

Sorry that post was a little off topic think I may need to get one of Tru's hate books.

maman

:wave:

I've been thinking a lot about what Lizzie said about being ignored at the school. BitsyB is right about the 'school gate !!!!!' (an unpleasant, Italian gang- we call it the Taffia where I come from but seems the mods don't like it;))and you wouldn't want to be part of that, they're poisonous. What I would recommend is a cheery 'good morning' to anyone who you think is worth speaking to then stand and smile and watch the children until it's time for them to go in. If someone hovers near you then try passing the time of day. Don't worry if it doesn't work, just don't appear desperate. As for the teachers: they may be making a beeline for someone who's child has a problem but otherwise a simple remark like 'I bet the holidays can't come quick enough for you!' should be enough to elicit a smile or similar friendly remark in return.

I, too, had to really work hard to make my way in what was then a very male dominated world. I did work hard to make sure I did know what I was talking about but I was also determined that I wasn't going to emulate their management style. I certainly didn't want to be a Thatcher with a handbag!;) It's not a programme I watch (the rude, arrogant 'Youre fired!' trailer has always put me off) but there's a lot in my paper today about the winner of The Apprentice being Mr NiceGuy for once. I'm a firm believer in being pleasant to people whenever possible. I'm not talking doormat but I do get a smug feeling of taking the moral high ground when I've been disarmingly charming to some rude person. I find it so much more satisfying than being rude back.

Oops, I shouldn't be on here philosophising. I've got an appointment later and need to shift myself. The trouble is you're such a lively, interesting bunch I'd love to stay and chat!!:D

MrsWoolfe

Hello Ladies and Lurkers!

well I'm back safe and sound and more or less in one piece!

Great time at the festival, although very tiring- I think I definately got my exercise in traipsing up and down the hill all weekend! Also thanks for the tea tree oil tip- did a great job and didn't end up with that patchy grotty feeling by the end of the festival.

I did have to jump straight in the shower as soon as we got back though got quite hot the last day and it had rained hard during the night- so lots of sticky mud ah well all good in the end- I had a bit of a papmer session on the sunday night when we got back, long hot shower- lots of moisturiser and then did a steam with rosemary and tea-tree oil before a mud pack- and deep condition of my hair- felt miles better by the time I was done:D

As I thought might be the case though it did take a couple of days to recover though- mainly just being exhausted I think- though being so run down did mean I got a bit of a bug- feeling better now though so it's ok!

had a quick read through the posts to cathc up and am sorry to hear a few of you guys are feeling a bit low at the moment ((hugs)) we all have those phases and I can only echo what LL has already said- it gets better and you will feel better, it just takes a bit of effort and time to get there, I haven't quite got to where I want to be yet but I'm a hell of a way from where I started and I know it's really really hard to pull yourself out of that slump, but it's so worth the effort. Might help if you have a look at what you have managed so far- every little bit counts- so have you got a good haircut? managed to get moving more? started looking after your skin? great! focus on that not on what you haven't done yet I think it is far far to easy to get swamped by the megative things around us- and most of the time it seems like they outweigh the good- but you just have to keep going...
right will have to pop back later have lots of cathing up to do here! the joys of taking a couple of days off!!!

MrsWoolfe

the_cat

Hi everyone (and hi to all the newbies)


Long time no speak...... (although I have been reading). I like quite a few of you have found the last week or so pretty hard going. I think I am guilty of having 'got over' the first rush of enthusiasm and fallen backwards a little. Life has got in the way of my good intentions a little. Still, in the spirit of looking on the bright side, I have managed to change some things

I think a bit more about what to wear, whether my hair is ok, nails etc etc. Baby steps...
In a habit now (more or less) of make-up, defuzzing, perfume, moisturiser, face cleansing at night, which although its only a start is a heck of a lot better than it was 4 weeks ago

I have found the topic of looking after your inner self very helpful. I am guilty of putting myself last on the list, eating badly because 'I'm not worth it' etc etc. That has to change. I would never treat a member of my family the way I often treat myself. I would not belittle them if they put on a bit of weight. Or tell them they were worthless, lazy, hopeless, ugly or any of the things we are all guilty of in our blacker moments. I firmly believe that self confidence is the most attractive thing in others. Somehow imperfect features on someone who is comfortable in their own skin just don't notice. So I need to develop new ways of thinking and treating myself

I am going to try to start with joining a gym (in Sept after kids back at school probably) I have put this off for years, begruding the money as a 'waste' But would never begrudge it for my OH/kids. I can afford it, so it's time to stop making excuses and give it a try. Stupid though, I already feel I'm wavering.... if I'm still doing that in Sept, someone please give me a kick