Frugal Frump to Fab/Winter Solstice

lessonlearned

Willow92 wrote: »

Right that's it, I'm not helping him out so much for food shopping coz then he'll just buy rubbish and I won't have any money left over to buy healthy things for me. It always happens. We order off Asda online and I'll buy some fruit and veg for me then he'll realise that he can't buy so much rubbish so my stuff has to go first....I had to take my bananas off the list for some sweets I think.

That really isn't on - you'll need to dig your heels in a bit there - after all - with the best will in the world - sweets are definitely not food.

Maybe it's possible to stretch the definition of food to include cakes and biscuits although we all know there's precious little nutritional value in them, however, sweets are just sugar and crisps are just fat and salt. Very nice for a treat but hardly essentials.

When household budgets are tightly squeezed then sweets and crisps should come out of any left over money or pocket money - not the food budget. Do you have a little bit of money each for personal spending - if so the sweets etc should come out of that.

BTW - does your OH have any weight issues or is he one of those lucky people who can eat a horse and stay thin. Another BTW - does he not eat any fruit and veg.

Again though - regardless of where the funding for sweets etc comes from - I stick by what I said earlier. It's pointless asking someone not to eat them in front of you - especially when they are in their own home. It's their home too - it's not fair, it's not practical and if you push it, it's likely to backfire on you by causing arguments and bad feeling.

It's really not an issue worth fighting over - as far as he is concerned the problem is yours, which if we're being honest, he is absolutely right. You are the one who wants to lose weight. If he cannot or will not support you by abstaining then you'll just have to find another way.

Whilst he's stuffing his face do something else to distract you - a
hobby, a walk, a pamper session in the bathroom or bedroom, phone a girlfriend for a chat.

Just stay focussed on what you want. As I said earlier - do it for you - never mind OH or anyone else for that matter.

It's your body, your health, your happiness - don't make it a big issue - don't even discuss it with him - just go your own sweet way.

Men are funny creatures - maybe he's just a bit fed up with talking about diets, slimming and food issues in general. Just do it quietly and without any fuss - he probably won't even notice at first.

When he sees your quiet determination and how successful you are he may have a rethink. Who knows he might even see the light and start eating a bit more healthily himself.

Don't despair - you can do it. You just have to want it badly enough.

Willow92

Lessonlearned can I pm you about this? There are some things I don't think my OH would like to be broadcast on here.

lessonlearned

Of course you can.

sophistica

I am off to Assisi in Umbria, near Perugia on Monday. Really looking forward to it. I am staying on an organic farm in the countryside with a great restaurant and pool. Italian friends are joining me there. I need to relax! I have been so stressed this year putting my mother into a nursing home and looking after my father who has a brain injury, managing 4 properties and doing a full time consulting job. Hasnt helped that my mother was a bric a brac dealer and hasnt thrown anything away for 50 years. Imthink decluttering should be part of our fabness regime...you cant feel fab if you are surrounded by a load of stuff you dont want or use. Ive been replacing a lot of my dad's awful broken furniture by searcing on ebay.. Its amazing what you can get, i got 3k's worth of bedroom furniture for 100 quid...but i digress. Just taken my sleeping tablet and I hope it works.

lessonlearned

Oh dear - I'm not in the best of humours today - having one of those "Is this all there is" days - impatient with OH and then feeling guilty afterwards.

Why do we women have such a capacity for feeling guilty. I've not met one man who tortures themselves in this way - I have met hundreds of women who do.:eek:

Sophistica - your holiday sounds wonderful - definitely feeling a touch of the green eyed monster today. However, once OH is settled into a decent nursing home I will be free to take a holiday.

I agree with your comment about decluttering. Several of us have been doing this gradually and yes it does make you feel better.

Interesting to hear your mum dealt in bric a brac - this is something I've done in the past and indeed, intend to develop again. Part of my decluttering has been re-assessing my "stock" - getting rid of the lower quality/less interesting pieces (tat) and refining my collections.

I know this sounds truly awful - but in many ways I'm starting to look forward to the time when I can be free to finally reclaim my life. There are times when I do feel incredibly frustrated that I can't do much because I am so tied up with caring duties. Sounds so selfish I know but it's been a long time ..................

Oooooh the sun has just shown it's face - going to pop out into the garden before it goes away again. It's such a shy, elusive creature these days:rotfl:

Bye for now

Willow92

Guess who shoved a biscuit under my nose and kept asking me to eat it?! The same person who said he would help me lose weight... Great... But I did resist the biscuit

ETA: He now thinks I'm moody coz I said no to a flippin' biscuit.

maman

Hope the sleeping tablet worked sophistica and that you get all your jobs sorted today without too much hassle. Have a great holiday.

I don't think it sounds awful at all LL, that's the guilt trip thing coming out again. When you are able to go on holiday/reclaim your life, it'll only be when you know you've done your absolute best for OH. It's sad that, at this point in time, the best is settling him in a good nursing home but that's the way it is. You can only deal with what's put in front of you and you're doing brilliantly!:T

Agree that we should include decluttering in the fabness. I try to include something 'improving' for my brain too. I find decluttering cathartic in itself. I'm not really houseproud (DH makes up for two of us there;)) but I do feel more comfortable without surfaces filled with clutter. As for my 'brain', most days it's just reading a decent newspaper but I keep trying.

I've been good on the fabness today. I had my shower with all usual cosseting afterwards but today I've also done a deep condition on my hair, done my feet (now soaking up cream in little socks) and will repaint toenails later and also done OCM on my face. I have too many large, open pores on my nose and chin so I'm hoping this will help.

Hope you're ok today willow, I did feel for you last night. Tell me to MYOB but I think you need a bit of a chat with your fiance about what you each want from life. You are obviously unhappy with your weight and while that may sound trivial (especially to a man), I really empathise with how miserable it can make you. I agree with LL that you can't stop him eating rubbish in his own home (my DH eats cakes and biscuits and cheese and I've learned to just reach for a satsuma and feel virtuous!) but when you come to do your shop there should be some fairness in buying what you each want to eat. I thought that story about the bananas just about took the biscuit:) And couldn't you manage to buy some cheap ballet pumps from Primark or somewhere to go with your dress? Surely they don't cost much more than a few bags of sweets? I'll shut up now but I do find it hard to sit back and say nothing. I know we all make a few sacrifices to accommodate other people, that's only civilised behaviour, but it's about knowing where to draw the line. :lipsrseal:lipsrseal:lipsrseal

maman

Posts crossed willow!Talking of biscuits.....:rotfl:Be strong!

lessonlearned

Willow92 wrote: »

Guess who shoved a biscuit under my nose and kept asking me to eat it?! The same person who said he would help me lose weight... Great... But I did resist the biscuit

ETA: He now thinks I'm moody coz I said no to a flippin' biscuit.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Good for you, Willow. Just learn to laugh it off. Or ...............you could shove a stick of celery under his nose and see how he likes it..........

Oooops - now I'm being childish

Bitsy_Beans

lessonlearned wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Good for you, Willow. Just learn to laugh it off. Or ...............you could shove a stick of celery under his nose and see how he likes it..........

Oooops - now I'm being childish

Joking aside I think that's a fair suggestion. The blokes I know don't empathise that well unless they've actually been in that situation. Do it and see how he likes it.
Then give him an earful about supposedly trying to help you get slimmer and sabotaging your efforts. Actually that could be a serious point to consider.....would he feel threatened if you lost weight?