should I send my DD on expensive school trip?

banson

Last year we had to relocate for work and my DD started at a very middle class, leafy lane school. Its a very nice school, most of the families are very "middle class" and there are always lots of activities in the school, which is great, but the school is constantly asking for money for this and that.

She has had trouble settling in as she joined year 4 and most of the children already had their best friends/social groups and my DD had to leave behind her own BF when we relocated. So she already feels like she is on the periphery of a lot of the social stuff going on at school (all the girls go round to each other houses, go to dance classes together etc)

Anyway she has finally started to feel a bit more settled, which is great.

At the start of the year (Sept10) it was announced that their class would be going on a residential outward bound course (3 days) in Sept 11...this is really strange as they ALSO go on a residential trip in yr6 , which most other schools in the area do...my sister is a primary school teacher and she said she has NEVER heard of other schools doing residentials in yr 5 AND yr 6.

Obviously other parents felt a bit unconfortable about this too, because there was obviously a bit of a debate when it was announced and a note was sent home saying that some parents had been complaining about the trip going ahead....but apparently the school has run this trip for several years.... the trip costs £180 for 3 days and the one in yr 6 is going to be even more expensive. I can afford to pay for the trip as I have some money put by in her account, but it is a lot of money just for 3 days away. There was a feedback form for parents so I wrote I thought that it shouldnt go ahead as it was expensive and also that they children were a bit young to be going away..my DD will have only just gone 9 by the time the trip happens.

Anyway the PTA were apparently right behind the trip (I think some of the funds go to them) and its a new head teacher at the school, Im sure he didnt want to rock the boat and incurr the wrath of the PTA and the trip is now going ahead.

I paid the initial deposit some time ago, but Im still unsure about what to do. My OH is really angry its going ahead...he says we shouldnt send her on it out of principle that its a very expensive luxury in these economic times (maybe other families feel under financial pressure too) and that we should make a stand. He can really get worked up about these things. Some parents were apparently moaning that older brothers/sisters had gone on the trip in the past and that their little darlings would feel deprived by not going on the same trip as their siblings.

Anyhow. Im absoultely torn. I just dont want my DD to feel any more left out than she already does. if I DONT send her she will have to go into school as normal, but I presume she will have to be with a different class while all her friends are away enjoying themselves. They will also be talking about it for weeks/months afterwards and there will be the inevitable essays and assemblies about it.

I suppose Im just a bit torn about what to do. Im sure she will really enjoy it.

Im just so cross with the school really. They could have just cancelled it and then we wouldnt have this dilemma. I suppose we are one of the "poorer" families in the school.....most of the mums have big 4wd mercedes designer clothes and dont work!

clairec79

My daughter is in year 5 and there was a residential trip for year 5 and 6 in November, she decided she didn't want to go (her baby brother was due about 3 days before the trip and I think she was worried he'd be born whilst she was away). In the end more of her class didn't go than did, she says she will go next year.

But at the end of the day what does your daughter want to do?

KateBob

Up until the point you mentioned the cost i thought your daughter went to the same school as mine!

We also constantly get asked for money for trips/visitors in school, sometimes with very little notice.

They also have a residential trip in Sept 2011 for year 5s and it's for 3 days (another one in year 6 is for a whole week) but it's costing £71 (still expensive but much less than yours).

Now here comes the problem, you know it's expensive, all the other parents know it's expensive but no-one will rock the boat.:mad:
As your daughter has only just started to settle in I'm afraid my advice is send her (I know not very MSE) but it's in her best interests.

I also advise trying to join the PTA, believe me there is no better way to discover whats going on in school. It may also help you make some friends with other mothers/fathers and establish some more social dates for DD.

shy-but-need-help

£180 is alot of money but when you break down what it covers it's not bad value for money if that makes sense. It will cover 3 nights accomodation, staffing (both those travelling with them and at the centre) activities, insurance, travel and all the food I'm assuming. I'd say it's actually quite near to the going rate for a school that isn't being subsidised by the local authority (at one school my kids went to we all got a much cheaper rate as it was a school in a pocket of deprivation so the LA subsidised it, at another we got a cheaper rate as they went in January and all nearly froze! and at their present one we are stuck with "going rate" but they do poll the parents to see if the trip should go ahead- this is year 4 by the way) I really wouldn't assume the PTA are gaining financially because really, what would they gain? PTA fund raising goes back into buying resources/funding projects for the students anyway. I'm a "friends association" member (we didn't want to be a PTA) and believe me, our main priority is getting the best opportunities for the kids and making anything we raise stretch as far as it can.

Our schools have always offered a payment plan (which we've always had to take- five kids, student husband, spare money is a bit like rocking horse pooh!) rather than one off payment and that does help. Here we tend to have residentials in pretty much every year from year four to 13, they usually don't have enough places to take more than 25 or 50% of the year group so parents tend to pick and chose which ones to put their child forward to knowing they probably won't get a place on all of them even if they apply for all of them.

Personally I like residential trips for them, it fosters some independance and encourages them to push boundaries. However I wouldn't assume it'll be the key to her making friends with the girls she wants to be friends with, my oldest was very much on the outskirts socially and when she went away it just ended in more drama with the girls she longed to be friends with and made her closer friends with a couple of the lads who were also "outsiders" socially.

I would ask her how she feels about it.

Lunar_Eclipse

banson wrote: »

most of the mums have big 4wd mercedes designer clothes and dont work!

That's totally irrelevant, although it does explain how you're feeling.

My daughters go to a school like you describe. They have residential trips in years 4, 5 and 6. The Y4 trip is a 3 night trip that cost £240 this year (grrr!) and by Y6 they go away for the whole week at a cost of about £350. They're expensive, but bizarrely the whole year usually go and it's not the least well off parents who make complaints about the cost.

In general, I think education outside the classroom is equally/more valuable than that inside the classroom, but we thought long and hard about participating this year, purely because I wasn't sure it was good value for money.

Given your daughter's recent upheaval, I have two thoughts:

1) Speak to the school to gauge how many children will be going on the trip/s. That would have a bearing on the decision I would make (on the basis that I could technically afford it.)

2) Ask your daughter what she thinks, how she would feel about not going and whether she really wants to go. Perhaps she would rather go on one trip than the other, for example. We had a similar discussion with our children this year and I know of another parent who told their child they could choose between the school residential and a Summer sailing course. The point is to make them realise there are consequences either way and that you'll take their preferences into account as to how money is spent.

Additionally, as the parent, I might chalk the expense up to short term cost for long term (friendship) gain if your daughter is likely to move on to secondary school with this same group of children. It could pay back dividends, although as with anything, there are no guarantees.

One last thought: try not to make this into a big deal, financially, with your daughter, as I found it clouds their thoughts.

Gigglepig

If your daughter has not quite settled I would not hesitate to send her on both trips, since it may help her socially to be part of them. Consider it an investment. However, you could also do a budget weekend trip for your daughter and a few of her friends from school if several of the other girls in her class are not going?

Regarding the cost, it is probably too late for this trip, but I would try to get the school to do a cheaper trip next year in light of this one being quite expensive.

jetta_wales

When I was in Juniors and my Uncle was the head we had a 1 night away trip in J1 and 2 night away trip in J2 a 3 night in J3 and 4 nights in the Isle of White in J4 (year 6).

It was a great way to build it up instead of having kids who might never have been away from their parents for even 1 night before, being thrown in at the deep end with 3 or 4 nights away.

I would definitely pay for the trip by whatever saving means are necessary as it will undoubtably make her feel very very left out otherwise. There will likely be a few weeks work and a project all based around the trip then also.

Lunar_Eclipse

Kate/Bob wrote: »

They also have a residential trip in Sept 2011 for year 5s and it's for 3 days (another one in year 6 is for a whole week) but it's costing £71 (still expensive but much less than yours).

Would you mind sending me a message with the details of this trip please? I'd like to know whereabouts in the country your school is and where the children are going for the residential, eg school in Norfolk, getting coach to PGL centre in xxx to do 3 days outward bounds activities ... would be perfect!

It sounds great value and we need our Head to look at more affordable residential trip options, in my opinion.

Pee

If you can afford it, then I would send her.

I see your husband's point about other people not being able to afford it, but for your daughter's sake I really don't think you chould be making a stand or rocking the boat. If she doesn't go, I expect that she will feel she is missing out on more than she actually does, but if you can afford it, that is important.

If it meant keeping three other children on beans on toast for weeks to scrape the money together, I'd feel differently. (Also if you have other children you do need to consider whether they will need to go on similiar trips and make sure that you can afford that, otherwise feelings of unfairness can come into it, but maybe you could pacify them by letting them choose a summer day out.)

banson

Thanks. Its also going to cause arguments at home with OH, whatever I decide. Im not even sure if I would get my deposit back if I asked for it now either. It is a lovely school so I feel hypocritical by being critical of it, like Im having the benefit of the good education for my DD but moaning about it at the same time!

At the end of the day I deal with 99% of the school stuff..my OH doesnt even know the half of what I have to pay for at school. Its a church school and every weekly newsletter is full of at least 50% text asking for money, bring in 20p for X Charity, 50p here, £1 there, PTA this and that.....if they are not asking for money they are asking for donations of clothes, cakes, bottles etc They just seem to jump on the bandwaggon of every initiative or charity that comes knocking at their door. Its always really short notice too, and if I forget or say Im not giving my DD the money she then gets upset and says she was the only one who didnt buy an ice cream...or go to the cake stall...or whatever crazy scheme they are running at the moment.....and the worst bit is that the teacher rewards the kids who do bring stuff in by giving them team points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This week they announced (by way of letter on FRIDAY evening which I nearly chucked away by accident) that the whole school would be involved with "healthy living week" ...they are not doing ANY proper lessons all week. Its all just flippin Yoga, tag rugby, dancing classes, tennis, cricket, talks about healthy eating etc/...NO MATHS OR LITERACY ALL WEEK!!!!!!! For the WHOLE school! and then at the end of the letter they asked for a "voluntary contribution" of £2.50 per child to cover the activities. My DD is struggling with her maths at the moment so my heart sank when I realised she would not have ANY formal lessons. Its not like it is some inner city school where the kids have no access to playing fields or activities. Im sure the kids at my DDs school already have healthy diets and do lots of sport with their families.....most of them certainly all seem to go to dancing, martial arts, horseriding, sailing already...all things we cant afford but we do take DD for big long walks in the countryside on a weekend. So they are hardly underprivileged kids.

I wouldnt want to join the PTA, even if they would let a pleb in!!!. They seem just right "up themselves".......I know the various parents involved (vaguely) and they are really strong characters who want to dominate everything, they are really cliquey.

banson

sorry, should have read previous replies, now I sound really bitter and twisted but it just all built up over past week especially after finding out about what was going on this week! My gut feeling is to send her, she seems to want to go (although she says she will be scared as it will be first time away from home without parents) but it will cause big rows with OH as he is sticking to his guns and is threatening to send a snotty e mail to school.