should I send my DD on expensive school trip?

Broomstick

From a different angle... can you ask the school if there are any other children who are not able/willing/rich enough to go and set up some fun social/sporty stuff just for those few (or more) locally? It would all give them something to look forward to, help with the making friends side of things and be massively cheaper.

When DS1 was at school and very young, the school sprung a whole-school trip to the Christmas pantomime on us. We were new, we didn't know that this would be coming up and I had absolutely no spare cash to pay for my son's ticket. Nothing. I couldn't afford to send him so we took the afternoon off. It wouldn't have occurred to me to have asked for help with paying for it. £180 at that point in time would have been off-the-scale unthinkable.

gravitytolls

Kate/Bob wrote: »

Up until the point you mentioned the cost i thought your daughter went to the same school as mine!

We also constantly get asked for money for trips/visitors in school, sometimes with very little notice.

They also have a residential trip in Sept 2011 for year 5s and it's for 3 days (another one in year 6 is for a whole week) but it's costing £71 (still expensive but much less than yours).

Now here comes the problem, you know it's expensive, all the other parents know it's expensive but no-one will rock the boat.:mad:
As your daughter has only just started to settle in I'm afraid my advice is send her (I know not very MSE) but it's in her best interests.

I also advise trying to join the PTA, believe me there is no better way to discover whats going on in school. It may also help you make some friends with other mothers/fathers and establish some more social dates for DD.

I agree, if she wants to go and be with her new friends, let her. It's all right for your hubby to take a stand (and I agree in principle), but when the class come back from the trip and are chatting about all the fun things they did, she'll feel left out, and there's bound to be an assembly about it too.

Our school always did year 5 and 6 trips, similar costs too, which I complained about bitterly, nonetheless, if they wanted to go, they went. Fortunately we had plenty of notice and I paid weekly.

gravitytolls

banson wrote: »

Thanks. Its also going to cause arguments at home with OH, whatever I decide. Im not even sure if I would get my deposit back if I asked for it now either. It is a lovely school so I feel hypocritical by being critical of it, like Im having the benefit of the good education for my DD but moaning about it at the same time!

At the end of the day I deal with 99% of the school stuff..my OH doesnt even know the half of what I have to pay for at school. Its a church school and every weekly newsletter is full of at least 50% text asking for money, bring in 20p for X Charity, 50p here, £1 there, PTA this and that.....if they are not asking for money they are asking for donations of clothes, cakes, bottles etc They just seem to jump on the bandwaggon of every initiative or charity that comes knocking at their door. Its always really short notice too, and if I forget or say Im not giving my DD the money she then gets upset and says she was the only one who didnt buy an ice cream...or go to the cake stall...or whatever crazy scheme they are running at the moment.....and the worst bit is that the teacher rewards the kids who do bring stuff in by giving them team points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This week they announced (by way of letter on FRIDAY evening which I nearly chucked away by accident) that the whole school would be involved with "healthy living week" ...they are not doing ANY proper lessons all week. Its all just flippin Yoga, tag rugby, dancing classes, tennis, cricket, talks about healthy eating etc/...NO MATHS OR LITERACY ALL WEEK!!!!!!! For the WHOLE school! and then at the end of the letter they asked for a "voluntary contribution" of £2.50 per child to cover the activities. My DD is struggling with her maths at the moment so my heart sank when I realised she would not have ANY formal lessons. Its not like it is some inner city school where the kids have no access to playing fields or activities. Im sure the kids at my DDs school already have healthy diets and do lots of sport with their families.....most of them certainly all seem to go to dancing, martial arts, horseriding, sailing already...all things we cant afford but we do take DD for big long walks in the countryside on a weekend. So they are hardly underprivileged kids.

I wouldnt want to join the PTA, even if they would let a pleb in!!!. They seem just right "up themselves".......I know the various parents involved (vaguely) and they are really strong characters who want to dominate everything, they are really cliquey.

It's not just church schools. We've had experience of both church and state schools, and without fail, every single school has had book fairs (v expensive), mufti days, charity days, cake bakes etc. It seems never ending the need for cash.

It's quite simply because they need to raise extra funding wherever they can. DH works in a small village school, they have to ration books and paper etc. as funds are so stretched that supplies can't be ordered at will.

pigpen

banson wrote: »

The issues I just wanted to run past everyone were:

1) is it normal for schools to send kids on residentials in yr5 AND yr6
2) did you feel it would affect her if she DIDNT go
.

yes it is normal to offer residentials in KS2

I would affect her greatly if she wants to go and you won't let her

mrs_marty

It always feels never ending with schools but we are really lucky with ours. The PTA do a lot of fundraising and everything on the whole is technically free, but if you think about it, it isnt as throughout the year you have given through the fundraising events what you can afford.

If you can afford the trip then do it if you think it will complete her settling in. TBH that's the only thing that is swaying me, as there is nothing worse than feeling an outcast at school at such a young age.

Mabye Hubby and yourself could join the PTA and help them raise funds to help trips or voice the economic point of view, then your DD doesnt become a political pawn?

pigpen

banson wrote: »

Thanks, my gut feeling is to send her, but this means potential falling out with OH, especially if stuff goes wrong (e.g. phoning up in floods of tears asking to come home- I would expect a big "told you so" speech) he already says he doesnt get consulted properly or I ignore his wishes when it comes to decisions like this. He is sticking to his guns and saying she shouldnt go "out of principle" and that she is too young (she is very babyish)

I remember going on a brilliant residential/outward bound course myself with school but I was about 12 at the time.

I know £180 isnt an outrageous cost. The one next year is much more expensive though.

Makes me relieved I only have one to pay for though, it must be hard having to pay for multiple siblings on various trips!

They aren't usually allowed to ring home as that is when they start wailing and carrying on.

DD4 is 8 and she is going this summer she is also not grown up at all. DD3 is 10... one wears nappies fo bed and the other is on daily medication.. and I know they will both be fine. These places are not open to the public usually so she is just as safe and better supervised than she is in school

DD3 went in year 4 just before she was 9.

Sounds like daddy is being a clingy parent .. he needs to let go.. it isn't like she will be allowed out unsupervised. They have single sex rooms so she won't be sleeping with the boys

Ask for a breakdown of costs for the trip.. you will probably find you have less than half to pay.

ceebeeby

Blimey - last school residential trip I paid for was over £700 ... but was for a week!

Let her go - and just tell the OH to either cough up and wind his neck in, or take over all future school communications. She'd be mortified sitting in a strange classroom by herself for those few days.

jellyhead

As far as I know no school allows kids to take mobiles OR to phone home. School have a mobile so they can contact your or school in an emergency, and the school can contact the staff at the centre if you yourself have an emergency or whatever.

We were told at the first meeting that kids might cry and say they are homesick on the phone, not because they are but because it's expected or their mum is crying. Also we were told that no child has EVER regretted going or been so upset that they wished they had been sent home early.

9 seems young - my son did at 8 - but they do cope when mummy isn't looking. They may not wash enough and they may wear the same socks for a week (or is this just boys??) but they are usually fine without parents.

Of course that's easy for me to say now, with hindsight

OrkneyStar

Ignore those who are making snidey comments OP, some people seem to thrive on criticising others decisions/choices/dilemma's and say things on here they would never say to their faces! (There I said it!)
I am not familiar with the english school year system, but you say your daughter will be 9, and that imho is quite young to be going away for three nights, so I do understand your concerns. The not knowing that many of the group/not having close friends there could work either way...1. she could get to know them through it, 2. she could feel even more 'on the periphery' of she is with them all day and feels slightly less included.....I also think £180 is a reasonably high amount of money for that year group, I realise actually having the money is not the issue, but I also understand why you are wondering if this is the best use for it!
I hope you come to a decision, tbh you will never be 100% happy sending or not sending you just have to weigh up pros/cons.
All the best.

Jo.G

My DS (Y6) has just got back from a week (Mon-Fri) in the Lakes. The Centre is owned by our local LEA and the total cost was £183.
We had the option to pay weekly. It wasnt compulsory, about 5 kids chose not to go. Our school only offers residential trips to Y6, but if all the places arent taken, they are then offered to Y5 kids, then Y4. Its a great opportunity for the kids to become a bit more independant, especially as they are going to Secondary School in September. They werent allowed to take mobile phones, mainly becasue there is no phone signal, and they were no phone calls home. We sent them with stamps and they wrote out good old fashioned post cards. The original letter sent out specifically stated that the head thought it a wonderful oppportunity for all the kids and that if any parent would face difficulty sending their child, to speak to her as she didnt want them to miss out due to financial constraints.
OP, if you can afford it and your daughter wants to go, then send her.