How to make long distance contact work with children?

ohsoprecious

swingaloo wrote: »

I have sent a pm to the op so she knows Im not trying to be negative about the situation, but, another thing to bear in mind is that whatever the outcome in court, it will never be simple. She wont ba able to legally prevent contact but she will still be able to make it damn difficult.

In our case the court specified the contact and holidays etc but in reality the parent with care still has the means to block things. In our case she would arrange holidays away which coincided with the times we had booked off work (after first agreeing a date). On the days when we had arranged to visit the child would have 'tummy ache' or 'a temperature' and be unfit to be taken out. She also invents an endless stream of family do's, birthday parties etc to block the way.

Ive lost count of the times we were supposed to be having contact which never happened. We even booked a holiday in Spain and the child was so exited. However a 'temperature and suspected measles' developed the day before we were due to pick him up and we were unable to take him.

I know the answer is to go back to court but the court is held nearest to the childs home (more expense) and standing in court against an accomplished liar gets you nowhere. All she needs to say is that the child 'was unwell' or 'wanted to go to a friends birthday party' and you are the ones who look unreasonable. The more you fight the more the other parent digs her heels in.
Its hard but patience does pay off in the end and you have to sacrifice your feelings for the childs. We could have dragged her back to court numerous times but what the child would have been told was 'Daddy is making me go to court because you went to a birthday party instead of out with him'.

I appreciate your honesty, I know it will be a tough road and I appreciate that you have more experience of this than me so I take on board what you are saying.

I think what we will have to do is take it one step at a time and keep a record of all the times contact is made almost impossible. And if the child is wanting to come with us or spend time with us down there then we will obviously have to go back through the Courts. I can only hope in this instance that good will prevail.

We have already experienced the 'miracle illnesses' that seem to occur at convenient times (or inconvenient times depending which way you look at it) and have made this known to the doctors, as we were concerned about the amount of times he was being prescribed medication over the phone for ilnesses which didnt exist! This has now stopped but I guess it doesn't stop her trying it again in the future.

P x

Errata

TBH I think you should be encouraging the brother to get to know his child and build some kind of relationship with him and financially contribute to the child's upbringing. Providing the brother has had a DNA test of course.

ohsoprecious

Errata wrote: »

TBH I think you should be encouraging the brother to get to know his child and build some kind of relationship with him and financially contribute to the child's upbringing. Providing the brother has had a DNA test of course.

He has a relationship with him as an uncle, and he will not budge on this.

He has not had an independent DNA test, the DNA test that was ordered by the court for my boyfriend, indicated that the genetic markers were so similar that the biological father of the son could only be a brother of my boyfriend. He only has one brother and the ex has since admitted to having had a six year long relationship with him. We also offered a DNA test to his brother to either prove/disprove paternity but he declined. My boyfriend has put aside his own feelings of betrayal and tried to speak to his brother rationally and from the perspective of the son but to no avail.

He will have to contribute financially as the CSA have been made aware of this situation and will be chasing him for payments.

P x