Are the CSA rates fair?

surreybased

Your good relationship with your ex is worth loads (more than any monetary value) and I wish that was understood by more separated parents. You are showing empathy towards him (fantastic trait which your children will model) however that shouldn't tip over into you doing without as a result. Only you can decide where that line is and how much you actually need. I would agree with going for the CS amount but phased as you suggested. Save for the children if possible as I do agree that's valuable to do.

I completely disagree that CS limits must support the child to the standard when parents were together. That for most people is totally impossible - One family CANNOT live as cheaply as 2 households and whilst the NRP might have 80% net income left the RP will have 100% of their income + 20% of NRP income plus CB, and other benefits . In some cases this will be considerably more than the NRP has in total yet they have to manage to fund a house suitable for their children and other costs.

Where are NRPs supposed to get the funds to pay for activities when they are with the children - out of the 80%? The assumption is that the NRP can stretch their 80% continually but that may not be realistic. I know the sterotype is deadbeat dad but what about those dads who want to be actively involved, who want their children to be with them for half the week, who supply clothes, toys, activities.

In my Dcs school/nursery I see all the dads being highly involved with their children, if those marriages were to end would the dads stop that involvement willingingly? Both parents need suitable income post divorce to raise their children and they should agree on the direct expenditure for the child - The RP shouldn't be the 100% gatekeeper as that could lead to decisions that aren't advantageous for the children. Why is the RP's decision on money automatically right and NRP wrong? Maybe some RP are wasteful, maybe some NRPs are wasteful.

Jetta, you are doing really well to have dialogue with your ex, your children will thank-you for this approach later in life. I can't emphasis this point enough. My oldest is at Uni and talks about how other students talk of their childhoods and some of the viciousness that they have witnessed from hostile parents (who have separated) is truly shocking and shameful. Those students would have happily given up a school trip (or other extra) if that meant their parents didn't fight over money. No expensive holidays replace those negative memories.

Do what is right for the children and that will serve you best (and if that means sometimes still looking out for the dad then so be it). As the saying goes - You may escape the law (or CSA) but not Karma. You sound a lovely lady and I think your children are fortunate to have you as a mum.