What to say ....

suzybloo

What he did was totally out of order, he should have come to you and ask you to speak to your daughter. I would mention to the wife that you are quite aggrieved and angry at the way he spoke to your daughter, and never had the decency to speak to you, and other parents were also taken aback at his aggressive manner towards a child, dropping in that this has happened before to another child. It would make you wonder what would happen if your daughter done something accidental and no-one else was there - this man needs to go to anger management and grow up. IF he speaks to an innocent five year old like this how does he treat adults. I would also tell the wife that you value her friendship, however this has really shocked you.
Dont dare buy a torch - even to shove where the sun done shine !!!!! That could make it look like an admission that your daughter took it/played with it. IF people have kids and have their friends over they shouldn't leave things they dont want touched lying around.
Hugs to you and your DD

emmaanddave

Sorry to hear above your friend's husbands behaviour, I hope ur daughter is ok?

Just want to add that I have seen you signature - I have 6 yr old ID twin girls and ever wondered if we had more kids if we'd have twins again!x

gravitytolls

Agree with all, completely outrageous behaviour, particularly in view of your daughter's age.

Of course you must speak to your friend, but you don't have to appear to be telling tales, having a go, complaining.... Just tell her you were really upset by the way her OH spoke to your DD, that you're sorry if something was moved/broken/lost, but if he'd just spoken to you, it would've been sorted.

I'm equally sure your friend will be mortified, and perhaps it may be the opener she needs if there's anything she needs to talk about. hopefully it will turn out to be 100% out of character, he will also be mortified by his behaviour and you will all be able to move on, pushing an unpleasant incident to the back of your minds.

make_me_wise

mum2twinsx2 wrote: »

I don't think he has told her what has happened as she is the sort of person that would ring me. But I really don't want to lose her friendship.

Do you think I should tell her, I am really quite upset that her fifty year old husband thinks its acceptable to yell and scare a five year old to tears...

Or not cause any friction and just mention in passing that he asked my d/d about this light?

Sorry if it seems so pathetic just not sure what to do for the best.

You should tell her very calmly exactly what happened. If she is a true friend she will see immediately see that her husband handled the situation completely wrongly. He behaved like a verbal bully with a young child.

Sounds like he has anger management issues to me. He wants to be extremely careful about behaving that way around young children. One day his temper will get the better of him and he will go way too far and end up on charges.

I would be livid with my husband if he treated anyone in that manner let alone a child. If someone were to confide in me that he had my first repsonse would be to apologise profusely and make sure the child was okay. Then I would be having very strong words with hubby. My friendship with the person that phoned me would not be affected I can assure you of that.

kitty_cat_2

I agree with other posters, this man was totally out of order the way he spoke to your DD. He should have approached you and spoken to you about it.

I would speak (calmly) to his DW about the incident, if only to bring to her attention her husbands behaviour. If my DH ever spoke to anyone like this (not that he would he's far too calm!) I would certainly like to be made aware.

Hope that your DD is ok.

gravitytolls

Do let us know the outcome OP, I'm really hoping this was an out of character one off, brought on by extreme anxiety/stress (no excuse) and the the man has already fessed up and apologises to both you and your daughter.

*Louise*

What sort of man shouts at someone else's young child??? Darn right I would mention it to his wife - someone needs to pull him up about it and make him realise it's not acceptable. :mad: Normal people approach the parent and make calm enquiries.

I would be very wary about letting my child go back to their house again if he was going to be there tbh.

Errata

I don't think I'd be speaking calmly to the wife. I think I might be yelling at her - just so she experiences something of what it was like for a little 5 year old girl.

donteatthat

I'd probably find it hard not to lose my cool either. The best way I ever found to deal with bullies was to treat them the same way back, and even as a grown up coming across pushy bullying types as I do from time to time they do not like it one bit when they are agressiely challenged, but I know the best thing to do really is just to make them feel really stupid and small. I wouldn't be letting my children round that house until the Dad has apologised properly. Good luck.

Auntie-Dolly

I'd be inclined to speak directly to the Husband rather than involving the wife. She didn't see the incident and I wouldn't be suprised if she was torn between her friend and her Husband.