What to say ....

Acc72

This is not good - I would say that you need to speak with both your freind and her husband together (to avoid any "he said / she said" complication), and tell them that this was unacceptable.

This may end the friendship, however if you don't say anything you will wonder if he is shouting at your child when they are visiting his house and you are not there.

meg72

Sorry but no apology would reassure me enough to let her visit again.

This bully had so little control he abused your daughter in your presence, I would be too scared of what he do if she were on her own.

I do think you should tell your friend and him together and take your
OH with you.What does he think of it?

belfastgirl23

I don't think I'd take it up with the wife either. I can't see what she is going to do about it, and if he has a temper problem I'd be highly surprised if she's not aware of it. And possibly scared of it.

But I would definitely take it up with him again directly and make it really clear that this isn't acceptable, there aren't any excuses and an apology won't ever make things right. And he should have apologised to your DD as well.

southoftheriver

Errata wrote: »

I don't think I'd be speaking calmly to the wife. I think I might be yelling at her - just so she experiences something of what it was like for a little 5 year old girl.

Not sure how shouting at the person who wasn't there is going to help the situation. She probably knows her husbands flaws better than most, shouting at her won't help the situation. Shouting at the husband maybe but still, a calm approach at least initially would be much more mature.

nottslass_2

Errata wrote: »

I don't think I'd be speaking calmly to the wife. I think I might be yelling at her - just so she experiences something of what it was like for a little 5 year old girl.

It's not the wife's fault that her husband is a big bully.

I suspect that she is well aware of what sort of man she is married to and is maybe also on the receiving end of his delightful behaviour.........


Personally I'd be keeping my DD away from their house, but I'd let my friend know that she and her children were welcome round at mine.

Jinx

I'd let my husband go shout at her husband - see how he likes it!!

shy-but-need-help

I think it might be worth pointing out to your friend that if her husband had acted like it in school grounds, rather than at a dance class, he'd most likely be facing being banned from school grounds most likely after being escorted from them. He really needs to get his temper in check because his actions will eventually cause him to become unstuck.

I also agree with the poster who said apology or not my kids would not be returning to their house, no matter how much I counted the wife as a friend.

Errata

nottslass wrote: »

It's not the wife's fault that her husband is a big bully.

I suspect that she is well aware of what sort of man she is married to and is maybe also on the receiving end of his delightful behaviour.........


Personally I'd be keeping my DD away from their house, but I'd let my friend know that she and her children were welcome round at mine.

Sure it's not the wife's fault, but it will concentrate her mind if she's yelled at by someone outwith her family, like the 5 year old was.

nottslass_2

Errata wrote: »

Sure it's not the wife's fault, but it will concentrate her mind if she's yelled at by someone outwith her family, like the 5 year old was.

And that will achieve ?

gravitytolls

nottslass wrote: »

And that will achieve ?

It will make her fell isolated, damage what confidence she has and ensure her self esteem takes another blow.

Anyhoo, everyone's assuming that the man is a monster... he did a dreadful thing, but you know, generally men who bully women and children tend to get away with by maintaining a facade of respectability outside the home.... that's why folk are always so amazed when they discover what's gone on behind closed doors.

Let's not jump to conclusions. let's hope that he is genuinely devastated by his behaviour, wishes it hadn't happened and is just hiding away at the mo because he doesn't how to broach the subject.