What to say ....

mum2twinsx2

I am having a dilemma, I am not too sure if it is me being a little over sensitive...
Basically I had to take one of my daughters to doctors on Tuesday so my friend who has child in same class offered to pick up my other daughter.
It was all fine.
Then tonight, we are at ballet and my friends husband pulls my daughter aside.I think nothing of this as he is really good with the children normally.

He started in quite a angry manner yelling at her over a light torch thing that had apparently gone missing from their bedroom the afternoon my daughter was there. Demanding to know where it was, had she moved it. D/D didn't even know what he was talking about, I have asked few times tonight and she said all she did was play on the bikes and feed the animals.
I was quite taken back by it and shocked, I dragged my daughter away and just asked what problem was, he replied `you heard.` Stormed off. A few people witness this, and another mum a friend of mine said he had `gone off on one` at her son for something or another once before. When he returned to collect his daughter, he apologised to me and said sorry he went OTT at my daughter he was just cross, and then proceeded to stomp off before I got to say anything else.

His wife, has become a quite good friend of mine and really really helped me while my partner has been working away. My two daughters are practically like glue with their daughter. I haven't told her what happened yet, I feel I need to tell her I think she would be mortified. I don't think he has told her what has happened as she is the sort of person that would ring me. But I really don't want to lose her friendship.
Do you think I should tell her, I am really quite upset that her fifty year old husband thinks its acceptable to yell and scare a five year old to tears...
Or not cause any friction and just mention in passing that he asked my d/d about this light?

Sorry if it seems so pathetic just not sure what to do for the best.

kaz0705

Sorry, I'm not a mum but as I was reading this, I had an image of him shouting at a teenager. To shout so aggressively at a FIVE year old??!!

To be honest, I bet she wouldn't be surprised- mortified, yes but not surprised. He clearly has anger issues to deal with something so petty in such a totally inappropriate way.

I would certainly tell her. You don't need to be aggressive or accusatory but a quiet word- even if you approach it as 'I really wish you'd given me a call' to lead in as she might not know even about the torch.

Either way, he sounds totally out of order. If someone spoke to *any* five year old like that, even their own child, they sound out of order!

Good luck.

LillythePink

That's awful

How is your dd feeling? I can't imagine that she will want to rush back to their house for fear of being yelled at again

If she is feeling a bit scared about being there then you have to say something to her as she will wonder what has happened.

You don't have to lose her friendship over this unless she makes it happen

Did the dad apologise to your dd or just to you?

But I would definately say something to her just so that she is prepared in case she comes face to face with one of the other parents who witnessed the verbal attack on your dd.

Shepherd1

That is awful poor daughter, I know mine would be scared stiff. Don't really know what to advise but if she was my daughter I would not be allowing her to play at their house, as he clearly has a problem.

Errata

Tell her, tell her another mum has also told you he also did that to her child, and ask her what the hell he thinks he's playing at. Plain talk works best in this kind of situation, !!!!!footing around it will get you nowhere.

mum2twinsx2

Thanks, just wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing before I go in all guns blazing.
More I think I about it more I am raged over it.

Just wanted to note.... I didn't know he could be like this until today.

I tried not to talk it over with D/D too much as she wasn't too eager to talk about it. She just said ***** was scary.

Tempted to buy a bloody torch and tell him where to ram it as well...

meritaten

I'm with Errata on this - a man of this age shouting at a child over something so trivial? makes me wonder what he is like at home tbh. I would be telling her that if he does something like that again
a - he would get a slap
b - he may get a visit from the police
c - your daughter would certainly never go round their house again.
and d - would she like the number of the local womens refuge?

savingmummy

Thats awful!! How dare he do that!
Certainly tell her about it. If he like like to a friends child what is he like to his own children!!!

Hope your DD is ok x

warehouse

You can't NOT say anything. Do it nicely but be prepared to lose a friend if it turns out badly.

McKneff

Please dont go in all guns blazing, you will be copying him up to a point.

This lady is your friend, if you go in all guns blazing you will lose her as a friend something you said you dont want to do.

Talk to her calmly and adult and see where it goes.

Good luck

mum2twinsx2

Thanks for replies, will definitely tell her.
Will report back tomorrow.
Thanks again.