Relationship support

Cookiee

Hi MSB ... When I called they said it was £28 per session. mmmm I will give them another call and clarify. Thanks hun x

Errata

HTH - you could hand the finance stuff over to him and check each night that's he's done what needed to be done. If he's in pain he needs to talk to his GP about effective relief. If he verbally abuses you leave the room and go and do something. You don't have to listen to it, that's your choice not his.

carefullycautious

You could have a word with his GP and see if he will go in to discuss referring him to a pain clinic. Tell the Gp all that is going on.

You and your husband can get free councelling via your GP only problem is what the waiting time is.

I really feel for you I for one would not stand for any cr**p from my other half especially if I was the one holding everything together. The more you put up with this the harder it gets to resolve it.

belfastgirl23

Have you told him calmly how you feel? I know you might think you've told him how you feel but if it's in the heat of the moment it's pretty easy to dismiss. Whereas if you sit down cold and tell him that you're feeling like you're almost at breaking point and ask him to help find a solution it might help to empower him?

I think when you're in pain it can be very hard to see outside of yourself and you really need to make sure that your husband knows what he is risking here. The hard truth is that he is probably not thinking about you at all and you need to get yourself back on the agenda.

Well done for identifying the problem before it gets to total breaking point and good luck!

System

Can he go and get an appointment with CAB/DIAL to help him with his ESA appeal? Might take some of the heat off you?

rachel6188

Chronic pain can cause depression but he needs to want help. He needs to see the pain management team and get effective relief there are things to help. Its hard living with someone in pain. I'm on morphine because of chronic pain in my abdomen and had kidney surgery and have a stent in atm.. You need time out for you hun and if you think you have depression speak to your GP you can't keep going like this or you will end up ill and mentally drained. If you want to talk pm me. Huge hugs x

ska_lover

I totally agree, constant chronic pain will drive the sanest of us completely mental- and its not suprising people end up snappy. I have experience of this, I had six months of non stop agony when I had 2 slipped disks in my back, and believe me, if i was mobile I would have definately killed myself. The agony was unbearable. I really feel for you, it must be awful living with this situation. I think unless you have been in the situation where you have constant agonising pain for long periods of time, it is hard to relate to what it can do to your head. He will be snappy etc, but just remember it isnt the REAL him. You have been together a long time - you can get through this. fyi I started the road to recovery when a consultant put me on a pain relief tablet for nerves called Gabapentin. I would recommend that to anyone. I was on top strength morphine, and even that did not help as much as Gabapentin.

The cortisone injections work for some people and not others. It did offer some relief to me when I had it, but have heard others say it made no difference.

puddy

my understanding is relate is never free, they have a minimum amount. we saw relate once and it seems to be calculated based on your income per 10k equals £10 so our joint income together was 32k so we paid £32 a session, but that was discounted as much as they could. the normal sessions are 60 if i remember

are you sure you cant claim any more, if he has no income you are only on one income, is it because you dont have kids? do you rent your home?

Cookiee

Hi Puddy x Nope we got refused DLA and because of my income we are not entitled to anything else :-( we luckly dont have kids so it's just us at the moment.

Ska Lover ... I will speak to the docs about this painkiller you suggested. I cant wait for the injection for hubbie because hopefully this will help get us back on track.

Thank you all for your advice :-)

esmf73

Cookie - we also used Relate and were asked to pay an amount we could afford. We were lucky at the time and were able to afford to pay the full amount. I think that you would be able to pay a smaller amount. However although I found that Relate may have helped in the long term, I have to admit to having felt "got at" after a couple of sessions - as though I didn't have the chance to say my piece. And I was the instigator at going to Relate. Just bear it in mind.

You sound stressed out though - can you get away for a few days - go visit a friend - doesn't have to cost a lot of cash. Even just a coffee and putting the world to rights chat..... x