HELP - GOING UNDER!!! VERY LONG POST - sorry

full-time-mum

mjdh1957 wrote:

Have a look on their website and see - I think they will have different plans depending on your circumstances https://www.relate.org.uk

No harm in looking!;)

I think this is correct but if it gets OH head from out of the sand so that they are both moneysaving then it will be money well spent and certainly cheaper than a divorce.

mophead

I deliberatly defaulted on all credit cards so that the companies would cancel the facilities - I don't care that our credit rating is shot to pieces - now there is no possibility of obtaining any more - which solves my problem niceley

Totally agree!!

Maz

Cor blimey, you're getting in a pickle missus! Have you thought of looking into cheaper ways for hubby to get to work i.e. bus, train, carshare etc? If you got rid of the car that would save you around a couple of hundred a month. Only got my own insurance to compare with yours but your house insurance seems high to me. I pay about 12 quid a month and that covers everything. (Am with esure) I've found that if you're straight and up front with Inland Revenue bods, they're OK and can even be quite helpful!

My own personal debt avoidance strategy is a combo of things, don't know if they'd give you any ideas but here goes.
Home boarding for dogs - charge 15 quid a night, undercutting most kennels and lots of people don't like putting their dogs in kennels anyway. Owners provide food, bedding etc, a mate of mine is making over 300 quid over christmas just by doing this.
Catalogue distribution - speaks for itself.
Mystery shopper
Online survey completion.
Good luck!

mophead

My OH was oblivious to our money situation until a few years ago when i walked out with the kids (went to my mums for a few weeks) and left him with a pile of bills on the table and no money in the bank. He would draw money out of the joint account without any thought to what was due to be paid out or in. He was a heavy drinker and smoker not really into material items so he didn't even have anything to show for what he had spent.

Anyway to cut a long story short when i came home he had seen the light!! We found out about CCCS i made him sit with me and talk to one of the councilors and we worked out a budget. I'm happy to say that things are going ok don't get me wrong there have been occaisions when the OH has overspent and so have I. We split what we have left after all the essentials down the middle between us and this seems to work well.

As an observer, it looks like your behaviour is pushing him into being a boy - literally a boy child, with you as his 'mother' (sorry if that causes some weirdness!). OK, not intentionally, but you're giving him the option to play that role.

I have to agree with this quote and i was also guilty of this, i was the one who took responsibility for the bills,food and money etc i gave him licence to behave the way he did now we do it joint we work out a monthly spreadsheet. Sometimes OH does the food shop he actually spends less than me now and whe the bank statements or CCCS statement comes i make sure he reas through them so he can't avoid the situation.

But i still hav'nt got him to give up the SKY package oh well.

Wishing you all the best it's not going to be easy but you need to let go of the reins slightly to let him take hold and help.

and finally sod the credit rating there are worse things to lose in life.

Claire.

melaniec_2

Hi

I've been reading your posts and just want to say well done for continuing down the money saving route in such difficult circumstances.

Reading between the lines your OH is a mans man with an ego to match the engine of his car. getting things done made a great suggestion, by doing this he may feel needed and this might be the bottom line. Its worth a try.

From the sound of things I don't suppose he'd be up for a spot of councilling but you could still go for you, they will see you on your own but will encourage you to bring your OH. From the sound of things you really need some support, at first you might be able to go without him knowing. This will give you time to think about what is important to YOU.

Good luck and stick with it.

natters_2

I tried relate and it didn't work - they dont really make any suggestions - just sit there and ask different questions to try and get you communicating with each other - funny thing was it was at OH insistence we went - as soon as he realised they would not tell me I am wrong and he is right he decided he didn't want to go anymore

pollyanna24

Must admit, it does look like you are in dire straits with your hubbie.

The taking from the purse, I so would not have. What f**king right does he have to go into your purse, I would go absolutely spare about this.

My bf has not had his LBM ever and he is never going to have it. He buys all the expensive gels and creams and well, and I've learned to accept it. I don't want him thinking I'm constantly moaning.

However there are some things which I just ignore him about. I have control over the money as he has no money sense whatsoever. Even though he's agreed to give me all his money and have pin money every month, he still whinges even though he now has £400 a month to p**s up the wall if he feels like it.

For things like the Sky, luckily that is in my name. If I cancelled it, yep, he would whinge and moan about how tight I am etc etc. but I still don't think he'd have the inclination to do anything about it, i.e. ringing up Sky and getting it reinstalled.

I've gotten to the point where I just ignore him when he moans. I don't want it to be the reason we fall out, or split. However, saying all that, he's not as much stuck his head in the sand as your own, so don't really know how to help

melaniec_2

natters wrote:

I tried relate and it didn't work - they dont really make any suggestions - just sit there and ask different questions to try and get you communicating with each other

I've also tried relate when things were really bad, my OH said the right thing in the session and ignored it the min we walked out the door. The point is it got me thinking about what I wanted, and gave me the strength to say I'm worth more than this.

Another good thing about relate is that they ask you for a donation of what ever you can afford (or did when I went) as a result it won't be too much of a burden.

vindalooloo

Thanks guys for your help and advice. A bit of an update;

Bit of a struggle but I've managed to get him over the 'getting another loan out thing' thank goodness! Going to go through he SOA with him later today.

Have called sky and managed to at least take movies / sport off so it's down to £28 a month instead of £37 which is a bit of help.

Rang N Power. Turns out we are already in credit by £58 on the leccy which they are going to refund within 7 days into our account. Gave them a new reading for the gas too so and have to ring back in next few days to see if that one is still in credit as well.

Am going to do a comparison online for our insurances see if I can't get those down a bit too. We all have credit on the phones so won't have to top this up for a bit.

Remembered we pay £4 a month to have the windows cleaned. Next time he comes gonna bin that too. You cannot get any benefit in Winter anyway.

Had a bad day for spending yesterday tho. Got £50 out of the bank (the only clear funds we have till Monday). £10 went on petrol - car was empty and he needs it for work Monday. It was my works Christmas do last night too. They gave us £24 a head, and the meal came to £14.50 per head. We all took our spouses so each couple had to put a fiver in the kitty to make up the shortfall.

This wasn't bad cos we all got a 3 course meal. However it cost us SIX QUID for a glass of wine and a Barardi and coke! Hubby and I made this last through from the standing around chatting, through to the pudding (but we were gagging by then of course). Then he just got a Coke to finish and I had a glass of tap water. (eyes roll). Therefore we spent about £13 - £14 last night (GROAN).

Anyway ... today's a new day.

Hopefully we can start making some headway. Just got the hours I'm working in Jan for my second job. It's not gonna bring in much extra unfortunately .... however when I get the first month over I'm going to make it known that I want more hours. You never know ..... Otherwise I'm gonna be looking for a THIRD job!!!

vindalooloo

BTW - He's just gone to the shop for butter and instead of buying Lurpak at 1.50 he's come back with TWO clover (60 pence - buy one get one free!!!)

NICE ONE!