Feeling really fed up, having regrets

jcr16

i think the only harm comes from the what if's , is if you act on them and you could hurt the innocent ones in the process and then end up even more unhappy. I know this isn't something IP is considering.

SkintGypsy

What TGT said. I settled young, but I would rather have my family than the nights out and fun I might have had in my 20's. I'll get my life back by the time I'm 45, where the people who waited to settle will still be doing school runs and struggling for babysitters. Embrace the now!

abacus73

My advice is the only time in life that you regret anything is when you are on your death bed about to take your last breath. Till then you have time and means to do whatever you like.

OP you are in your 40s not your 90s. Get out there and start enjoying yourself by doing those things you wish you always had.

jcr16

SkintGypsy wrote: »

What TGT said. I settled young, but I would rather have my family than the nights out and fun I might have had in my 20's. I'll get my life back by the time I'm 45, where the people who waited to settle will still be doing school runs and struggling for babysitters. Embrace the now!

that is so true. it is scary but by time hubby and i are 40 our dd will be 18 !!! you see so many waiting and waiting and wanting the perfect and right moment to come along that the moment often comes and goes and they miss it. Enjoy everything to the fullest every single day , it goes fast enough.

CH27

immortalprincess wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Im not sure why i think Ive missed out, I suppose im just a bit bored, and im wondering what it would have been like if I had lived my life differently.

There is many things I can do now ie going out, shopping (however cant wear alot of the lovely outfits I see the young ones wearing because Im too old lol), spending time with my friends. Would never cheat on my husband, have too much respect and love for him to do that, but there is always the what if/what would it be like to be with someone else.

I guess as well I kind of feel that I was "older" before my time IYSWIM.

I suppose it is a kind of mid life crisis.

I have a friend who felt like that.
She ended up getting drunk & sleeping with someone else.
She felt disgusted with herself.
She felt she had let her husband down.
She felt she had betrayed her marriage vows.

Her husband never found out & they are still together.
She lives with far worse now than what ifs.

Be very careful where you let your disatisfaction lead you.

MrandMrsB

immortalprincess wrote: »

My husband and I have been together for 26 years, married for 21 of those years.

We met when we were both very young, I was 14 he was 16, and im now having all these thoughts that Ive missed out in so much, and Im having all these regrets.

I suppose im just feeling really fed up, because, I didnt spend much time with my friends, missed out on holidays, going out, treating myself to clothes, just acting young and doing what young people do and I suppose if im really honestly being with other guys, because at 18 I was arranging my wedding and had a mortgage!

Does anyone else feel like this! I feel really down in the dumps.
:(:(:(

Judging from what my son tells me, young people only do those things because it keeps them occupied until Mr or Miss Right comes along! My son, 26, can't wait for Miss Right to come on the scene, but so few young people from our area meet the right person that this might not happen.

I wish I had been in your position! I fell in love twice: but something went wrong, so married my friend, Mr B. My first love, whom I met when I was young, was Asian (I'm white), and his parents (my elderly mother still keeps in touch with him!) objected so strongly that I walked away after 7 years. Then number 2, who was the love if my life, fell off a mountain. That was so traumatic that I knew I could not cope with another heartbreak, which is why I married Mr B!!! It's ok, but not exactly the proper marriage that I should have had!

I agree that hopefully it's not too late to have fun now....suspect you will soon get fed up of it though.

MrandMrsB

CH27 wrote: »

I have a friend who felt like that.
She ended up getting drunk & sleeping with someone else.
She felt disgusted with herself.
She felt she had let her husband down.
She felt she had betrayed her marriage vows.

Her husband never found out & they are still together.
She lives with far worse now than what ifs.

Be very careful where you let your disatisfaction lead you.

That is ever so wise....if you are looking for innocent fun, that is ok, but it seems to be a fact that human beings feel guilty if the are unfaithful.

scottishminnie

immortalprincess wrote: »

My husband and I have been together for 26 years, married for 21 of those years.

We met when we were both very young, I was 14 he was 16, and im now having all these thoughts that Ive missed out in so much, and Im having all these regrets.

I suppose im just feeling really fed up, because, I didnt spend much time with my friends, missed out on holidays, going out, treating myself to clothes, just acting young and doing what young people do and I suppose if im really honestly being with other guys, because at 18 I was arranging my wedding and had a mortgage!

Does anyone else feel like this! I feel really down in the dumps.
:(:(:(

It's perfectly normal - many of us who married young have been there too:)

Make an effort to do things both together and separately. Hubby and I do things together but we also have our own hobbies and friends we spend time with individually.

Look at the positives of how much you've achieved together and think back to the things which attracted you to each other in the first place.

It's ok to look at other men and to wonder, just as long as you don't do anything about it, I don't think there are many married women who can honestly say they haven't ever thought "what if..."
Anyway apparently reality very rarely lives up to the fantasy:D

And on the buying clothes front - I didn't really find my style until I was about 32/33 - before that I dressed like my mother (who is very stylish but a bit sloaney) so I think if I'd had more cash to spend on clothes in my 20's it would have been a dreadful waste. Far better to put the cash to good use then paying the mortgage (which I'm now pleased to say is gone)

red_devil

immortalprincess wrote: »

My husband and I have been together for 26 years, married for 21 of those years.

We met when we were both very young, I was 14 he was 16, and im now having all these thoughts that Ive missed out in so much, and Im having all these regrets.

I suppose im just feeling really fed up, because, I didnt spend much time with my friends, missed out on holidays, going out, treating myself to clothes, just acting young and doing what young people do and I suppose if im really honestly being with other guys, because at 18 I was arranging my wedding and had a mortgage!

Does anyone else feel like this! I feel really down in the dumps.
:(:(:(

some would say you were lucky you are married and you are in a stable relationship? You may not have missed out on anything think of what you have got?

gs1967

I met my husband when I was 14, he first asked me to marry him when I was 17. We bought our house when I was 23, got engaged when I was 24 and married (and lived together) when I was 26. First child at 31 and second at 36.

I still look at other people and think "what if", and I'm sure he does too, but, they are only fleeting fantasies. I don't really go out now (because I really can't be bothered) but when I did I used to look around and think " thank god I'm not single".

I suppose I did miss out on the girly holidays, or even one night stands, but really, when it comes down to it, they were just fleeting moments that if had happened you would either regret or forget.

I have no advice, sometimes I think like you, but I only have to look at my (very few) facebook friends to realise how lucky (and in the minority) I am really.

But, yesterday, I hated my husband...because sometimes they really are tw@ts, today, he is tolerable and I can put up with the git.

HTH:o