Feeling really fed up, having regrets

immortalprincess

My husband and I have been together for 26 years, married for 21 of those years.

We met when we were both very young, I was 14 he was 16, and im now having all these thoughts that Ive missed out in so much, and Im having all these regrets.

I suppose im just feeling really fed up, because, I didnt spend much time with my friends, missed out on holidays, going out, treating myself to clothes, just acting young and doing what young people do and I suppose if im really honestly being with other guys, because at 18 I was arranging my wedding and had a mortgage!

Does anyone else feel like this! I feel really down in the dumps.
:(:(:(

relic

I'm sure everyone feels like that at some point, with men it's called a mid life crisis!

If you feel you have missed out on having fun, start now (as long as you don't go sleeping with random people!) and take up some new hobbies, start going out more often. No point having regrets, you can't change the past, but you can affect your future.

CH27

If you were male i'd say mid life crisis:D

Your life can be fun now & you can do lots of things.
MAke a list of things you want to do & want to achieve and start doing them.

Life is too short for what ifs.
Make the most of here & now.

Alikay

Not every teenager did all those things you mention! I worked shifts and didn't have a lot of spare cash to blow on nights out and clothes because I was running a car, paying my parents for keep and saving up towards a house deposit because I knew my job would need me to move area. I also went to evening classes to gain my professional qualifications.

In general my friends and I went out a couple of times a week: Once for a big night out round the town centre, nightclub and taxi home, and maybe once or twice to the local pub or cinema. Yes, I had lots of holidays, but I worked in the travel trade so it was often a "busman's holiday" - most of my friends in other jobs joined their parents on holiday and maybe had a week abroad with a good friend or two: Party animals were definitely in the minority in the Midlands suburb I lived! Are you absolutely sure you'd have been a right little raver if you'd been single for longer? Not many people really have the exciting lives you read about or see on TV.

As for other guys: Count yourself lucky that you missed out on all the heartbreak of being dumped, the guilt of doing the dumping, the angst of the will-he-won't-he-call stuff and the odd boring Saturday night on your own when your mates are all loved up and you haven't got anyone on the scene!

make_me_wise

Have really struggled to answer this as I was the complete opposite of you OP when young, free and single.

The way I see it life is too short for regret. Having those feelings wont change how you lived life then and just ends with you not enjoying the here and now.

Must admit the main question I had when I finished reading your post is are you happy in your relationship now? Or is this what is causing you to look back and regret so much.

It is fun to date a few guys but it can (in my case mostly did) come with pitfalls and its own special brand of regret iykwim. At least you spared yourself the pain of heartbreak

I travelled loads between 18 and 25. It was wonderful but at times I felt right out of my depth. Travelling when older and with a partner would be different to doing it whilst young but in some ways safer.

Are you able to enjoy doing now what you regret not doing when younger (except the dating of course)? Its never too late to travel, party, shop till you drop etc etc.

See life experiences as not being age linked and that may give you a bit of perspective and help you feel happier :idea:

jcr16

i haven't felt like this and i'm not really sure what your missing out on that you couldn't do with your hubby.

i met hubby and 19 and we soon bought our first home , so had mortgage and planning a wedding.

Prior to meeting hubby tho, i did have my own flat where i had crazy/wild night outs, friends crashing at my flat all the time, clubbing 3 night's a week, pub the rest.dating some great guys and some where i should of just stayed drunk, the whole waking up and omg where am i , terrible hang overs, but lots of giggles, shopping sprees etc. yes fun at the time. but none of it gave me the true happiness that i got when i met my hubby.


the grass may look greener , but you haven't missed out of anything. Yes i've been there and done it.And my past has made me who i am, but seriously i wouldn't ever want to do that all over again. i'm so opposite how i used to be, but i so prefer the calmer me,lol.

scooby088

WHY everyone say if it was a man it's a mid life crisis a rather sexist remark there i think;). But like others have said you ain't missed out on a lot really, and whats saying you cant do that now with you hubby or on your own. Life is what you make it and upto you how you live it, and as long as you are not hurting anybody who cares.

FBaby

You have a point, but you do need to focus on what you have that you might not have had if you'd met later and you enjoyed more freedom younger. Many women reach their mid-30s, having had plenty of fun, meeting different people, travelling the world, going out, doing things, but are then lonely and wish they had met someone earlier and have children. Many have regrets of not having started a family sooner.

We can all have regrets because we will endoubtedly all have missed on something at a certain point of our lives. All we can do is be grateful for what we have and aspire to get what we missed until then as long as this is realistic and not putting in jeopardy what we have build until now.

immortalprincess

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Im not sure why i think Ive missed out, I suppose im just a bit bored, and im wondering what it would have been like if I had lived my life differently.

There is many things I can do now ie going out, shopping (however cant wear alot of the lovely outfits I see the young ones wearing because Im too old lol), spending time with my friends. Would never cheat on my husband, have too much respect and love for him to do that, but there is always the what if/what would it be like to be with someone else.

I guess as well I kind of feel that I was "older" before my time IYSWIM.

I suppose it is a kind of mid life crisis.

There_Goes_Trouble

I think most people feel this way at some point, don't they?

I'm the complete opposite of you, similar age but never met anyone and don't have any children, don't suppose I ever will now.

I have tonnes of regrets and would swap places with you in a heartbeat, but then there are those who look at my single, uncomplicated life and say the same.

There's no harm in wodering 'what if...' but there's nothing you can do about the past.

My focus in life is to enjoy what I have got (health, house, job I love, fitness, pets, close knit family, friends.....etc.... tonnes of stuff!) and not get depressed about the things I don't have.

I don't want to get to eighty and have even more regrets!

jackieblack

immortalprincess wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Im not sure why i think Ive missed out, I suppose im just a bit bored, and im wondering what it would have been like if I had lived my life differently.

There is many things I can do now ie going out, shopping (however cant wear alot of the lovely outfits I see the young ones wearing because Im too old lol), spending time with my friends. Would never cheat on my husband, have too much respect and love for him to do that, but there is always the what if/what would it be like to be with someone else.

I guess as well I kind of feel that I was "older" before my time IYSWIM.

I suppose it is a kind of mid life crisis.

I suspect everyone wonders what it would have been like if they had lived their life differently, but you made the decisions you did because they were right for you at the time.