In a mess regarding ex and life in general

BitterAndTwisted

My honest opinion is that this "working on leaving" stuff is an excuse for not doing anything, ever. If you sit down and over-analyst it all you will always be able to find a reason/excuse for inertia.

You've had a nearly a year since you started this thread and nothing has changed. Well, not nothing: you have become even more ensnared than you appear to have been last June. All this unhealthy sticking-to-what-you-know appears to have eroded your self-confidence even more. And his constant making-holiday-plans-for-the-long-term-future aren't gifts in any way, shape or form, they are shackles intended to keep you precisely where he wants you. Bait and stick. Bait and stick.

I wonder what would happen if you just packed your bags and headed for the hills? Just like that. To my mind, being in a new place with no job just JSA could be a better mental-place than the one your are in now. At least then you'd be motivated to get your bum out of the house and make contacts. Got any distant friends or relatives who could put you up for a short while so you could a recce?

NO-ONE IS BETTER THAN YOU! And I doubt anyone who is reading this thinks they are. They just know that you could make a better life for yourself, free from his pernicious influence if only you could take the very first tentative step.

I don't wish to be unkind but I honestly think you couldn't do better than having a chat with Womens Aid. They are used to helping those who have been beaten into submission by exploitative and manipulative men and that's precisely what I think you are and have been for a very, very long time.

Please come back and talk to us.

Cat501

StuckandScared wrote: »

if the will isnt' there it's because I'm scared to death. I have no friends. I have no parents (Both dead) I have no children, no siblings, no family. I have nobody.

And so it shall remain - as long as you stay with him ((He really doesn't count as somebody you "have" - he's just a malignant presence in your life. So let's say you are starting on -1 person, which is worse than having nobody.

Imagine not having him, but making a couple of nice friends, and there you are on +2!! I know it's hard, I really do, but please - you can get help with debts, and it would honestly be so worth taking a bit longer to pay them off than you'd like! BitterandTwisted's advice about Women's Aid is a really really good idea One step at a time is ok if that's the only way you feel you can do it - but you have to take that tough first step - it's hard but I really think you can do it! )

But first - forget all his holidays - next time he tells you he's booked one, tell him you're busy that week - then book yourself a trip to Ireland pronto to see your friend! I bet she'd be bloody delighted to see you! And he can hardly say you have to work when he was prepared for you to go away with him can he?

oh and btw WELL DONE for the leaving his house the other night, that was great:T:T Ever done that before? Ever felt that you were capable of doing that before? No? Well, there ya go....a big show of confidence and self respect when by your own admission both of those things are rock-bottom at the moment!