Tesco had me arrested !!!

Mrs_justjohn

a1cat wrote: »

With respect, in my opinion you have got this completely wrong.

You seem to be very worried about the reactions the behaviours of your autistic daughter will provoke.

You also do not want to be pitied.

As the father of a slightly older now and severely autistic son - been through that phase - behaviours in supermarkets when 4-6 or so: spitting, shouting, screaming, pulling shoppers' glasses off, running up to shoppers and looking up their shirts and patting their bellies, tantrums, basically lots more bad things you can think of...

...I would say you're doing your daughter a disservice by not taking her shopping...

...and doing the shopping people out there a disservice by not letting them realise that autistic kids have difficult behaviours, it's not the parents' fault and they the people out there had better get used to it...

...and doing yourself a disservice by not developing the hide of a rhino and understanding there's nothing wrong with having an autistic child, nothing wrong with his/her parents, nothing to be ashamed of and that's the way it'll be until you die.

Not the thread to be discussing this but just had to respond....

He DOES take his daughter shopping, and to the park, and to the beach, and to the gala days, and to the school plays, and out for a meal.....etc etc...

However if she starts to behave in a way that is not acceptable (due to autism or not) she is told to behave and if she is in one of her 'frenzies' then she is removed from the situation. No ones enjoyment of the school play or day at the beach or meal out..etc.....should be spoilt due to my daughter. Autistic or not!

I personally do not feel that playing the 'autistic card' absolves you from any responsibilty for your childs behaviour.

Anyhow like I said ...not the thread for this discussion.

rose28454

I visited my local store yesterday and went past a big palette of charcoal briquettes. There was a small boy lying on top of them whilst his mother was busy chatting to another lady. She was not paying him the slightest bit of attention. A little while later I passed her again chatting to someone else and saying something about the little boy's medication as he apparently suffers from ADHD. Meanwhile the little boy chose himself a 70p Kinder Egg thing and threw it in the trolley and almost hit his younger sister ( about 2 years old) who was standing in the trolley. Again no response from the mother. And then he ran to the pet food isle and removed the metal inserts from a dog food bowl thing and put them in the trolley. Only then did the mother respond by telling him to put them back but he just threw them on the nearest shelf.
It is no wonder children behave like that if the mother lets them do what they want. And as for ADHD it was called being naughty when I was young.

MrandMrsB

Maybe you have no idea what it is like to have an autistic child - not easy! I have a grown up one......

On the other hand I must admit that it can be used as an excuse for bad behaviour. My sister (50's) who also has autism started to steal chocolates from shops. My mother used to say she did it "because of her condition", and was not being dishonest. She has lived in a residential home for many years and the staff never told her it was wrong (maybe they were not allowed to). One day Mr B and I took her shopping for Christmas presents and I warned her: "if a policeman catches you stealing you will be put in prison". The staff at the home mentioned that she had stopped stealing since she went shopping with us that day, and I told them what I had said. My mother thought I was cruel because it "might have frightened her". That was the general idea!

Yes this is rather "off subject" sorry!

shammyjack

MrandMrsB wrote: »

Maybe you have no idea what it is like to have an autistic child - not easy! I have a grown up one......

On the other hand I must admit that it can be used as an excuse for bad behaviour. My sister (50's) who also has autism started to steal chocolates from shops. My mother used to say she did it "because of her condition", and was not being dishonest. She has lived in a residential home for many years and the staff never told her it was wrong (maybe they were not allowed to). One day Mr B and I took her shopping for Christmas presents and I warned her: "if a policeman catches you stealing you will be put in prison". The staff at the home mentioned that she had stopped stealing since she went shopping with us that day, and I told them what I had said. My mother thought I was cruel because it "might have frightened her". That was the general idea!

Yes this is rather "off subject" sorry!

Well done , 10 out of 10 . I would do the same. We all need guide lines in our lives !

birkee

jumblejack wrote: »

But Tesco expect us to accept their errors without question.

What about the current glitch regarding mega bloks? They are on the shelf at £15 but charging £30!

How many have bought them with their weekly big shop and not noticed?

How about the countless folk who do not check their receipts so never see the numerous overpriced items which go through every day due to mislabelling, etc?

And the OP expected Tesco to accept her error without question.
What's the difference?

It wasn't the error acceptance that was in question, but the OP's outrage at someone elses error.
Why can't Tesco be outraged at HER error?

Go on!..... give us the rules for BOTH sides to accept and abide with. Both outraged, or both understanding.

Mrs_justjohn

MrandMrsB wrote: »

Maybe you have no idea what it is like to have an autistic child - not easy! I have a grown up one......

On the other hand I must admit that it can be used as an excuse for bad behaviour. My sister (50's) who also has autism started to steal chocolates from shops. My mother used to say she did it "because of her condition", and was not being dishonest. She has lived in a residential home for many years and the staff never told her it was wrong (maybe they were not allowed to). One day Mr B and I took her shopping for Christmas presents and I warned her: "if a policeman catches you stealing you will be put in prison". The staff at the home mentioned that she had stopped stealing since she went shopping with us that day, and I told them what I had said. My mother thought I was cruel because it "might have frightened her". That was the general idea!

Yes this is rather "off subject" sorry!

Yes I would have done similar.... Our autistic daughter quite often gets 'removed from a situation' when her 4 (non autistic) siblings carry on. She had to be taken off a bouncy castle last summer as she was being a bit too 'in your face', and was intimidating other children. NO one elses children (or even my other children) should have to suffer that - explaining she is autistic may 'justify' the behaviour but there is still no excuse for ignoring it. Funnily enough after a few times of 'removing her' from what are enjoyable situations for her, there is always a definite improvement in her behaviour the next time!

justjohn

As a parent of an autistic child it does not give me or my child an automatic right to inflict discomfort or upset on people in public.
It also does not give me the right too wear a "good parent badge and absolve me from bad parenting.
Just because my child has autism does not mean i cannot apologize for her bad behavior if it is inflicted on others or counteract it.

The amount of times i have heard the excuse "i am not a bad parent, my child has autism" or the excuse that a child is misbahiving and causing discomfort to others "my child has autism". Alarm bells start too ring.

And no i am not the best parent in the world....and no i do not blame autism for it.

danlojo

Going back to the OP starting post.........

I wonder how many people do shop lift, get outside the doors and are stopped and then say, "oops sorry a genuine mistake, I meant to pay for them"......there must be loads who try it on.

This is NOT saying that is what you did but look at it from a business point of view and the losses incurred.

munchkinz

My grandparents (in there 80's) shopped at tesco for years doing a small shop twice a week. My gran doesn't always carry a handbag so she used to put her purse on top of the trolley or in the basket. ( I tried to warn her not to before you all jump on that.)

Anyway one day they had done there usual shop, but the stuff in the car and set off home. 5 mins down the road they were pulled over my the police who had been called by tesco as they said they had stolen a ladies purse. They were asked to step out of the car and then searched, this was on a very busy road with cars passing watching as they went past.

Needless to say there was no purse other than my grans, which had her cards in to prove it was hers.

There was never any apology, from the police or Tesco and they have never been back since.

I too have been treated like a criminal for using coupons, although I wasn't arrested or man handled by security, I was dragged to CS manager called making a big scene. But I stood my ground, complained to HO recieved an apology, a gift card and the store has now been retrained.

I now get watched most times when I go in, but i'm doing no wrong so I let them get on with it.

I can fully understand how the OP could be in this situation, and people here having a go about other peoples parenting and shopping ways is unnescassary, we don't know each others situations. Why shouldn't you go shopping as a family, far to families spent time together.

Anyway long enough rant now

celebrate

danlojo wrote: »

Going back to the OP starting post.........

I wonder how many people do shop lift, get outside the doors and are stopped and then say, "oops sorry a genuine mistake, I meant to pay for them"......there must be loads who try it on.

This is NOT saying that is what you did but look at it from a business point of view and the losses incurred.

i'm not saying the OP is right or wrong but people on this forum can be soooo judgemental and suspicious that someone is not telling the truth, perhaps i am niave but i would hate to make an honest mistake , come on here for advice or support and get nothing but a slating

just saying thats all , now you can all have another go at me