peoples true colours when theres money involved!

mumof3kids

my dearly loved hero, my dad died on boxing day last year, aged 54 years old. he was my world and i'm still trying to come to terms with him not being here.
my stepmum of 27 years is now showing her true colours, my dad and her had a legal seperation in place with clauses regarding his pension etc. now that he is no longer here to argue his side, she is collecting his death in service payment and i'm seeing a side to her i never thought she had.
i am the executor of his will and also one of the beneficiaries along with my 2 siblings, i am trying to carry out my dads wishes but with every day that passes it takes it out of me a little more
i don't know why i'm posting this really, but you do really see peoples true colours when theres money involved.
mumof3

Magicboo

I'm so sorry for your loss, it must be very hard for you. Unfortunately, it is very true-money can bring out the worst in people.
My Grandad died 3 1/2 years ago and my Aunt is still arguing that she should have more than 50% of the estate. Her and my Dad are the only kids and the sole beneficiaries, os it should be straight forward...but not when a) there's family history and b) money involved.
We've kept my Dad going by being there for him and reminding him that his family love him, even if his sister seems to hate his guts.
((hugs))

vroombroom

very sorry for your loss it never ceases to amaze me when money is involved anymore.

Errata

My condolences, it's a tough time for you. Just remember your dad believed you were tough enough to execute his will with your siblings. Hang in there and justify your dad's faith in you.

mumof3kids

thank you so much for that errata, i hadn't really thought of it like that. i just want to carry out his wishes then i can move on with my life, without her in it.
mumof3

bargainbetty

If you have a copy of the written agreement that they signed, take a further photocopy and send it to her with a polite letter informing her that you are aware of the previous agreement, and would appreciate her refunding the money she has already claimed to his estate.

Or your solicitors will be in touch.

Also, call the pension company and use your position as executor to advise them of the situation. They can stop payments without her authority if the executor of the estate confirms everything with proof.

If you don't have the agreement, then you might have more trouble.

good luck

mumof3kids

hi bargain betty
i do have a copy of the legal seperation and have had a conversation with her on the phone and she seems to think the death in service payment which is made instead of your pension should not be classed as part of his estate, and as they were still legally married she thinks it should be hers.
what she seems to forget is clause 13 of the legal seperation states she would not claim on his occupational monies i.e his pension, i have already spoken to the pension people and they have had a copy of the legal seperation but they still don't recognise this ?!?
i really don't understand how you can pay good money and have a legal document drawn up by a solicitor for certain agencies not to recognise it!
it frustrates me because i know this was the last thing he wanted
mumof3

AmandaD28

Mum of 3,

I have no useful advice to add but wanted to send you big ((((((hugs)))))))

I can't imagine what you are going through my dad is also my world and I couldn't imagine what it must be like to loose him at such a young age.

My gran died 4 yrs ago without having made a will and she was 68 and so full of life up until 2 mths before her death when she was desperately ill in hospital she took my mother and my uncle (the only two of her children who actually bothered with her) to one side and made them write her wishes down but they would never have stood up as a will because of her condition she had 6 children in total and the rest are so selfish they all of course came out of the woodwork following her death and gave my mum and her brother hell about everything and anything !! They wanted access to her house (which they were given) and they took everything even down to toilet rolls (yes thats true !!!!)

My gran would have been mortified at this and the woman that was so strong up until her death and had so much admiration for was robbed effectively by her own children my mum and her brother and indeed myself and my younger sister were truly gutted when she died we had been there every day for her at different intervals making sure she was clean dignified and free from pain (the hospital wasn't good thats another story)

Not one of us was there for money simply for love and as much as I hate my remaining aunts and uncles I can hold my head up high and say I was there for her she knew we adored her and she was given the dignified death she deserved with people who she knew loved her dearly by her side the rest of them may have got her money but they also have to live with the fact that they abandoned their mum when she needed them most and I really hope that they feel guilty about that but somehow I doubt it ! Two of her sons didn't even bother with her funeral one turned up at 11am so steaming drunk he couldn't make the church or the wake and the other daughters put on the act of being distraught rather well.

I hope you can take some peace from the fact that your dad knew how much you loved him and were there for him I really do

Take care
xx

eamon

I also witnessed similar scenes when an uncle died many years ago. I was told that some shameful things happened when his assets were divided (carved) up. I could have pushed and found out but at the time I didn't care as it reminded me of vultures.

mumof3kids

thanks amandad28
it never ceases to amaze me how money orientated some people are! if i could swap it all tomorrow for another day with my dad i wouldn't give it a second thought.
i just want to do right by my younger brother and sister unlike their mum
mumof3

Errata

mumof3kids wrote: »

hi bargain betty
i do have a copy of the legal seperation and have had a conversation with her on the phone and she seems to think the death in service payment which is made instead of your pension should not be classed as part of his estate, and as they were still legally married she thinks it should be hers.
what she seems to forget is clause 13 of the legal seperation states she would not claim on his occupational monies i.e his pension, i have already spoken to the pension people and they have had a copy of the legal seperation but they still don't recognise this ?!?
i really don't understand how you can pay good money and have a legal document drawn up by a solicitor for certain agencies not to recognise it!
it frustrates me because i know this was the last thing he wanted
mumof3

Could it be that the Death in Service payment is an automatic payment to a spouse (or other named person) and the clause 13 you refer to is about pension splitting as part of any divorce settlement?