Any tips on keeping the costs down in a long distance relationship?

miss_independent

Long before Skype, mobile phones and the internet, my parents were in a long distance relationship. They have been married 30 years so I don't agree that LDR's don't work! They met whilst working together then my Dad got a job in London and also spent long periods overseas and my mum lived in Edinburgh - once they married they moved so they could work and live together. At some point, unfortunately, one of you or both of you may have to make sacrifices if you want to commit to each other long term. It may be leaving family and friends or a much loved job, but I'm pretty sure you will know that already .

My family are spread all over the Globe. Skype is a Godsend, my brother uses it so I can babysit his kids lol! E-mailing regularly, sending photos and movies of what is going on here is also key. Cheap flights help and being ready at a moments notice to see each other too if a good deal by train, plane or boat comes up. My advice, from someone who will being living away from her nearest and dearest next year and doesn't want to lose touch with them is make sure your car is efficient and economical. To come and visit me in my Dad's car would cost my parents £90 each way. For me in my Green, Diesel running car it costs about £35 each way. The same trainfare for me is generally around £100 (student fare) but £50 if I book 12 weeks in advance. Another option is meeting half-way, finding a good base for regular meet-ups. I believe David and Victoria Beckham used to meet at a mutually convenient Little Chef in the early days of their romance. My Dad used to drive from London straight after work up to Scotland and back sometimes only seeing Mum for a few hours and then going straight to work on little or no sleep. Mum seems to have occasionally got the coach to see him in the North of England. They called each other most days and wrote letters every couple of days. Mum still has them and they make for pretty interesting reading! What comes across is that the distance wasn't easy but they both felt at the time it was worth it and they knew eventually the time would come for them to settle down together. And the only real reasons they weren't together were career and finances, after a couple of years they were able to have enough money to be together.

Good Luck with the relationship

danothy

**confuzzled** wrote: »

... we rented to begin with as a mortgage for us wasn't viable as you need to be in 3 months employment before you can apply for most so figured we'd rent til I was settled and working ... if I'd known I was tied to a mortgage I'd have found it harder but knowing I could up and leave with 4 weeks notice was easier for me to deal with

I think this is the plan for us, while we're saving now, the deposit saving would begin in earnest with a dual income I expect. I also get what you mean about not being immediately bound to the situation too. The plan I think is to make sure we're both building a life for ourselves in the same place so that one of us is not dependant or subservient to the other socially or financially. I wouldn't want her to just move in with me for example, I would want her to move in with me knowing that there was a life for her here if she wasn't moving in with me or it didn't work out.

euronorris

I don't think I can add anything more helpful than has already been posted. You've had some great and sensible advice, and seem to be taking it on board, so I wish you both all the luck in the world. When it works, it's sooooooooooo worth it!

Gavin83

I actually think a long distance relationship in many ways can be better than a normal relationship. It makes you appreciate the time you have together more and you generally make better use of it and avoid arguments you may otherwise have had. It also gives you your own space which is important, far too many people in a new relationship spend every waking moment together and it ruins it very quickly. There does come a time when one of you has to move closer though. I was in a long distance relationship for a while, now we live near each other. We've been together nearly 5 years and a believe its a stronger relationship because of the initial distance.

As for money saving, look for special offers on coaches and trains, some awesome deals can be had if you book a little in advance.

andy.m_2

I'm not saying that a LDR cant work, clearly they can and the above posts are testament to that fact.

But the vast majority do not, they end in heartache, mistrust, infidelity etc

I have a LDR once, as a typical teenager I went off to uni and had a girlfriend home.
I never cheated on her mind you but there were many at uni who did a spot of bedhopping while the cat was away.

Chocolate_Cookie_Monster

Hi Danothy,

I had the same long distance relationship between the same cities as you

We did it before the days of Skype but its a good idea for keeping in touch.

We planned a lot - obviously there were occasions we wanted to be together - birthdays, Christmas, family parties etc and we booked train tickets for those well in advance (usually back to Cardiff). The inbetween weekends one person would do the drive ( only one drove between us) about once a month and we also made use of the Megabus - much cheaper - but does take a bit more time. We didn't see each other every weekend - sometimes a few surprises showing up on doorsteps late on a Friday night - the best . A few weekends away somewhere in the middle.

Anyway after 7 months we moved in together and 4 years later engaged. So LDR do work.

Chocolate_Cookie_Monster

Have you watched any Gavin and Stacey? It worked for them

danothy

andy.m wrote: »

I'm not saying that a LDR cant work, clearly they can and the above posts are testament to that fact.

But the vast majority do not, they end in heartache, mistrust, infidelity etc

I have a LDR once, as a typical teenager I went off to uni and had a girlfriend home.
I never cheated on her mind you but there were many at uni who did a spot of bedhopping while the cat was away.

The example you give above sounds to me more like a teenage issue rather than a long distance one with regards to the bedhopping to be honest, and even if it isn't, demographic statistics mean nothing to the individual. If (for example) 80% of long distance relationships fail then that means either this one will work or it won't ... it doesn't mean that I should get out now because only 20% of this relationship will be worthwhile.

Whilst your teenage exploits (or lack thereof) are all very interesting, it appears you have misunderstood the point of this thread somewhat. I'm not asking for advice about whether or not I should get into a long distance relationship, or information on the general success statistics of them, I am asking for money saving tips that I can apply to a pre-existing and long standing relationship that involves a significant distance.

You clearly have an opinion on the general worthwhile-ness of long distance relationships, and you are entitled to that (however embittered it may appear to be), but mouthing off telling someone to give up on a relationship that you know nothing about based on that opinion could be really hurtful or damaging to someone less thick skinned or more impressionable than me (I feel I am reasonably dispassionate to what others think about me or my situation on the whole).

To be honest though, what touches my nerve is that you appear to have not read/have ignored what the thread was actually about and chimed in anyway, seemingly without thinking about if what you said was relevant and/or whether it was potentially damaging. That makes me think that by doing so you have either committed and act of stupidity or had malicious intent, both of which I find really repugnant. It's not so much the saying it, as more the blunderous nature with which it was said.

danothy

Chocolate_Cookie_Monster wrote: »

Hi Danothy,

I had the same long distance relationship between the same cities as you

We did it before the days of Skype but its a good idea for keeping in touch.

We planned a lot - obviously there were occasions we wanted to be together - birthdays, Christmas, family parties etc and we booked train tickets for those well in advance (usually back to Cardiff). The inbetween weekends one person would do the drive ( only one drove between us) about once a month and we also made use of the Megabus - much cheaper - but does take a bit more time. We didn't see each other every weekend - sometimes a few surprises showing up on doorsteps late on a Friday night - the best . A few weekends away somewhere in the middle.

Anyway after 7 months we moved in together and 4 years later engaged. So LDR do work.

I've done some of this, I turned up unexpectedly once or twice too and I have to agree, it is awesome.

Nimeth

andy.m wrote: »

I'm not saying that a LDR cant work, clearly they can and the above posts are testament to that fact.

But the vast majority do not, they end in heartache, mistrust, infidelity etc

I have a LDR once, as a typical teenager I went off to uni and had a girlfriend home.
I never cheated on her mind you but there were many at uni who did a spot of bedhopping while the cat was away.

So because most end badly, the OPs surely must too? That is for the OP himself to decide, which he clearly already has.

You say you had a LDR once, surely you should realise how unbelievably frustrating it is for a couple involved in a LDR to be told 'give it up', 'it will end badly' 'find someone closer to home'? It certainly made me angry when I was constantly told that.