Are you made to feel guilty for claiming benefits?

colin13

MoneySaverForever wrote: »

Hi all, I think many of you will know what I'm talking about because I've been made to feel very guilty by one or two people over the last few months ever since I started to claim benefits and it's not a nice feeling at all. I don't like how they talk down to you or make out that they're somehow "better" than you because they work or don't claim benefits like you do. I've always worked but I can't work right now because I'm very ill and I sometimes feel like just giving up but I know I have to keep fighting no matter what. I doesn't help that people judge me without really knowing me and I even had one horrible man ask me if I had a job when I was at the shops the other day and when I said I wasn't working right now, he remarked that I was very lazy and should be ashamed, a young girl like me. So unfair

I'm sorry if my post doesn't make much sense but I hope it does xxx

nope I dont feel guilty,,I worked from age of 16,til I was unable to work because of MS,Ipaid into the system for years,and this is what the system is for ,,a saftey ney for us who need help,do not feel guilty about claaiming benefits,,if anyone says anything,just ask them if they want ur illness,,id swap MS with a hard days work anyday of the week

Sueinbirmingham

I think a lot of people are determined to make any claimant feel guilty. How guilty I feel depends on what mood I'm in.

There are times when I think it's my fault for not succeeding in killing myself, but then that's what some people want, isn't it, for those of us that aren't fit for work to conveniently cease to be a burden on everyone else.

I suppose one of the days when on a low I'll succeed and then there'll be one less person fighting for dignity for people on benefits.

Sorry if that sounds negative. It's just how I feel about a life with severe mental illness in a society that once locked us up in remote asylums, then promised us care in the community and now gives us don't-care in the community.

I saw a scan of my brain once. I read a research paper that says lithium can help the grey matter to regrow, but I can't see how all those holes could ever be filled again.

So I don't know. I don't think people ought to try to make people feel guilty for being on benefits, but it's very difficult sometimes not to just think I am a burden and the best thing I could do with my DLA is to pay for a trip to Dignitas.

Edit - I was feeling rather despairing when I wrote this. It's so difficult trying not to let it get to me when either the media or individual people guilt trip me about being on benefits. Yes, I know I shouldn't pay attention to those that are nasty, but if I was good at that, I probably wouldn't be on the sick and probably wouldn't be taking loads of pills.

I thought about deleting what I wrote and then thought that if someone who thinks people like me shouldn't be on benefits came along, maybe they should see how someone like me can feel sometimes, that they'd think a trip to Dignitas was the answer to the situation.

LilacPixie

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

I have absolutely no problem with people claiming disability benefits. If you cant work, you cant work. End of! However what pees me off big style is the amount of times I have had people say to me that OH must be committing benefit fraud as he works full-time and he doesnt look disabled. !!!!!!!!! These people dont understand the concept of DLA. OH has psychosis, delusional disorder and depression. He was hospitalised due to it and will be on anti-psychotic medication for potentially another 30-40 years!! (ie the rest of his life) Of course he doesnt look disabled!!!
So it isnt just if you're not in work - if you are in work and claiming DLA perfectly legitimately you get accused of committing fraud!! Cant win....

:rotfl::rotfl:Sorry Mrs Ryan but you do make me laugh because thats the very situation I am in. I have MS but have a job as well, I claim DLA and you either get accused/reported for benefit fraud, I actually had a visit from a DWP worker telling me there had been an accusation i was working while claiming benefit and living with someone :eek:. Thats what i get for leaving my blue badge on the dashboard :rotfl::rotfl:Bizzarly I have been working and married long before i got ill but hey ho I think the DWP woman fancied a day out.

Or you get told that benefits are for the truely needy and as you work you should cancel claim.

Oh and I have had various don't look disabled comments, look closely you will see i don't use my right arm/hand much because nerves damaged, a quick peek in my car window you can see the adaptions I use to drive.

I have a thick skin, I am also very sarcastic I think it wwinds my husband up more because he feels the need to protect me alot more than i feel the need to protect myself

deathvalleydemon

not so much made to feel like an idiot, but ive often felt belittled by the dwp when ive spoken to them on the phone.

they told me something during a conversation once and i'd forgotten it. I have short term memory problems so I rang them back and asked them again as i had forgotten what they told me. the snotty bint on the other end spoke to me like I was a piece of crap on her shoe, actually mocking my memory loss.

stassy23

your not alone my partner got made redundant in july 09 and i was due to have a baby a few weeks later so we went on income support then job seekers my partner only got a job in april this year!! the comments and looks we got was horrible my partner ended up with depression because he was desperate to work but no one was given him a chance then now i get why cant i work well i got 3 children and one with disabilities and i cant afford child care, to look at my son you would think hes a normal boy but its alot of hard work caring for him.

try to ignore the people their not worth it i no its hard xxx

jetta_wales

signis wrote: »

Maybe because they are jealous? You can lie in your bed till 11 whilst they have to go to work for the same level of money?

Then maybe they would like to swap with somebody with a Dissability so severe that they can not work? They'd want to change their mind in less than a day.

I've heard comments about the Motability scheme lately and definite jealousy but when confronted with "You can have the car if you take my eye sight too? Bare in mind it will render you completely unable to actually drive the car yourself though." :-) then they tend to shut up lol. It hasn't even arrived yet!

Trialia

signis wrote: »

Maybe because they are jealous? You can lie in your bed till 11 whilst they have to go to work for the same level of money?

I think you may be confusing 'can' with 'have to', there!

I'd love to be able to go out early in the morning. I love the dawn, but I rarely get to see it any more, because I'm in too much pain to move before my carer arrives to help me take my morning medications (curse childproof bottles being given to people with no children!).

Think yourself lucky. I am certain from what you just said that you do not know what it is like to live with something like that.

MrsManda

A lot of this kind of attitude is a complete lack of understanding
Though I find it amazing that some random bloke actually asked you in the street whether you're working. I think I'd have told him that it was none of his business. It always amazes me how many people feel they're entitled to information and to make judgements on things which don't concern them.

In terms of claiming benefits I often feel guilty and like a fraud, because I'd not as ill as many people on disability benefits even though it just isn't possible for me to work at the moment and the benefits advisors I've spoken to at the DWP have all said that it would be foolish to sign off given my situation just because I feel guility..

I'm lucky because my friends and family think I'm just being silly when I'm feeling guilty because they know I'd rather be working - I've had to give up a lot because I'm unwell. In some respects my friends are glad that they know people who are geniunely unwell and receiving benefits because with all the stories circulating in the media about people getting 1000s in benefits due to fraud and 100s missing out because of a dysfunctional system it can often seem like their N.I.Cs/Income Tax are being wasted.
- not that they wouldn't exchange this knowledge in order to make me well as they'd much rather see a bouncy MrsManda.

I think my biggest problem (other than feeling like I'm committing fraud on the few days I'm feeling relevantly ok) is, like formaldehyde said, when people ask me what I do. It's not a judgemental question but I just feel like I need to make excuses Depending on how well I know the person I generally end up telling them what I used to do and stating that I'm taking a break. Though this is getting harder as the longer I'm ill the less likely I'm ever going to come off my 'break'.
But there's always hope

In general, I try to explain my situation as a lot of attitudes are due to misunderstanding, I try not to waste effort on those who mean nothing to me or who refuse to understand, and value the friends and family members who take me as I am and support me.

*hugs*

captain_mainwaring

People only see what they want to. I can mow my garden in 20/30 minutes. Not bad eh? Then 2 days to recover! Do they see that? NO! I've felt guilty for years but I also have paid into the system. I'm getting too thick skinned now to care what they think! Don't feel guilty. Problem is, with this new Government we will all feel guilty and, the pinch, ouch!

mum26kids

I have always struggled with the feeling that others must wonder why we claim for our son...although when people get to know him they do realise why but to Joe Bloggs in the street he just looks like any 9 yr old. We always get strange looks if he suddenly gets out of his wheelchair to do something...little do they realise that if he wasn't pushed somewhere in his wheelchair there is no way he would be able to even attempt to join in the activity.

The feeling have guilt has changed recently after battling DWP and almost having to go to tribunal (we had the date through but dwp changed their minds). They sent a dr across to the island to do a medical. Of course, assuming the worst, we thought that would be the end of any chance we had of winning his claim as the dwp dr wouldn't have chance to get to know our son.

We were very mistaken and the DR knew all about our sons conditions and complications. When we got the copy of the report the CAB rep we were using was stunned as he had never seen such a thorough report which very definitely backed us up. since then we have seen another paed who has been very open and honest about our son and said he will never get better but has to learn to get the best quality of life within his limitations.

Now i don't feel so guilty about claiming. If others ( untrained and lets face it some trained) can not understand then that is their problem. The appeal battle has actually helped me as i feel that it has now been acknowleged that our claim is genuine,

Not sure if that really makes sense but it odd how things change