Are you made to feel guilty for claiming benefits?

MoneySaverForever

Hi all, I think many of you will know what I'm talking about because I've been made to feel very guilty by one or two people over the last few months ever since I started to claim benefits and it's not a nice feeling at all. I don't like how they talk down to you or make out that they're somehow "better" than you because they work or don't claim benefits like you do. I've always worked but I can't work right now because I'm very ill and I sometimes feel like just giving up but I know I have to keep fighting no matter what. I doesn't help that people judge me without really knowing me and I even had one horrible man ask me if I had a job when I was at the shops the other day and when I said I wasn't working right now, he remarked that I was very lazy and should be ashamed, a young girl like me. So unfair

I'm sorry if my post doesn't make much sense but I hope it does xxx

saving_pennies

Hi MoneySaverForever,

Your post made sense and I can relate.

I know how hurtful and unfair those comments can be. I wish it was as easy as saying just ignore them. Some people have a stereotype for people on benefits and I assume they get some personal gain in applying this to other people. I even had this from my own family! I'm guessing these people have never found themself in a situation where they are too unwell to work.

I know when I first started getting DLA and income support I felt so guilty for getting money without working and getting comments from other people didn't help me at all.

Remember, these people don't know you, they have no right to judge you. It is difficult to ignore the comments or the pain from the comments, but it helps me to tell myself that these people have nothing better to do then judge people they don't know - and that is sad!

You need your energy to focus on yourself and your health, and not these idiots.

I've read your other post re: respite care. I have no experience so couldn't respond to your question there, but I hope your experience there will be one that is supportive and you will be around people who really do understand that at the moment you are not able to work and it is ok to be on benefits.

Keep holding on,

Best wishes.

formaldehyde_perfume

The worst is when someone, politely asks 'so what do you do?' just making conversation, it feels like my stomach has imploded and I get really upset inside and I don't know what to say, most people are ok because it's a conversation so I have time to explain that I'm too ill to work, but it still makes me feel awful.

None of my family have any idea what it's like for me, except my mum, so along with a lot of other people they judge me and two in particular make me feel like I'm worthless and a fraud, I'm sure they don't mean to, but it is still how I feel. They don't see the days spent laying in bed crying unable to move, or the multiple pills, the excruciating physiotherapy or even just the daily small things like trying to make a cup of tea.

Unfortunately this is just part of life if you are seriously ill or disabled and don't happen to be a millionaire.

It's hard when you start claiming as you are often trying to deal with a diagnosis and a huge lifestyle change too and that's enough for anyone without the judgement of others, but hopefully once you have come to terms with things a bit then you will have more energy and resistance to all the plebs that say stupid things.

Saturnalia

You poor thing, it is hard. It seems like there are always people who want to judge without knowing the facts and so many of us who get judged in this way. I'm claiming as I'm out of work (not on health grounds) and feel ashamed when people ask what I do and I have to say I'm between jobs. Which I am - I'm trying hard to get work but it isn't happening right now, it's not that I don't want to work. It isn't a lifestyle choice - I mean some lifestyle, coppering-up to buy bread and not able to afford to go out and do anything interesting with my life as even the fare into town costs money I don't have. Certainly not the way I want to be living.

Just keep your chin up and remember that the people in your life who are important know you and know your circumstances and they know you are doing the best you can. We'll show the idiots!

McKneff

It could be that it's all in your head, people who are your friends dont judge, if they do then block them, they are not true friends.

Some president wife sometime, somewhere said, #No one can make you feel inferior without your consent' its worth thinking about.

If you are doing nothing wrong, dont feel guilty, no point, it just ends up you being stressed which puts back your recovery, so just get on with your own life, let others do the same.

jetta_wales

What really !!!!es me off is when people say "well why don't you work then? There's lots of jobs you could do!"

No sh*t really? Obviously the only reason I haven't been working is because I am using my Dissability as an excuse. Couldn't possibly have been because my kids weren't both in school full time yet and I wanted to be a full time Mum while they were little? My partner works full time too so we don't get any means tested benefits at all. Why is it ok to have a go at me for not being in work just because I have a Dissability? Would lay into non dissabled full time Mums with working partners too? No they don't. And I have been looking for work with Remploy and other such help (though Remploy were useless) since my youngest started reception in September but with a fair few years gap on your CV from being a Mum, it does take you longer add to that the fact that there aren't many jobs around and add to that the fact that I'm registered blind then yes it will take me a while! But in the mean time my partner brings in a full time wage to support us and we get less in tax credits than we would have had if I'd worked and claimed for full time child care for two, !!!!!!. But no I have DLA so I'm a scrounger and should get a bloody job, regardless of the fact that work has naff all to do with DLA!

*takes deep breath* ok rant over. But yes you are not alone in being made to feel like that,

jetta_wales

McKneff wrote: »

It could be that it's all in your head, people who are your friends dont judge, if they do then block them

lol you make it sound like life is like a forum or Facebook. If somebody isn't nice to you then just click block on them. Oh how I wish it was like that sometimes

Trialia

*sigh* Definitely not alone in this. I am a disabled young woman who doesn't look ill at all, and it makes me furious when people treat me like dirt for not being in work - it isn't as though I haven't tried to work, because I have. I can't physically sustain it - but obviously, people like that don't believe it because they don't want to believe it.

Mrs_Ryan

I have absolutely no problem with people claiming disability benefits. If you cant work, you cant work. End of! However what pees me off big style is the amount of times I have had people say to me that OH must be committing benefit fraud as he works full-time and he doesnt look disabled. !!!!!!!!! These people dont understand the concept of DLA. OH has psychosis, delusional disorder and depression. He was hospitalised due to it and will be on anti-psychotic medication for potentially another 30-40 years!! (ie the rest of his life) Of course he doesnt look disabled!!!
So it isnt just if you're not in work - if you are in work and claiming DLA perfectly legitimately you get accused of committing fraud!! Cant win....

Prinzessilein

Oh yes, I feel guilty claiming benefits!Logically, I know I shouldn't. It took me long enough to claim them - and even longer for some of the claims to be accepted. But I sure feel guilty.

The attitude of others doesn't help. I was on the bus recently and sat on the 'disabled persons' seat. The bus became fuller at each stop, and then a woman started talking loudly. 'Look at her with the stick...bet she has one of them bus passes....you do don't you...you ought to stand and let the likes of us sit down...people who have actually paid for a ticket and not got a freebie!'


But, what really, really hurts me is the attitude of certain family members. Well, one on particular....

I get told that I am so lucky to be able to be at home all day. This relative would love to have all the free time that I do. And how she is always so stressed and hard up for cash (after her second family holiday this year!....and they have just bought a 'holiday cottage' and paid cash, no mortgage!....both she and her husband work, they earn their family luxuries, but why the constant moans about poverty?). .....Has she ever looked into the amount of money a benefit recipient is expected to live on? Or does she just read the Daily Mail and believe that I am being given hundreds of pounds each week? (Don't get me wrong...I am grateful to live in a country that helps me so much.).

And the almost constant 'but surely there is something you could do?...I'm only trying to help...it would make you feel better if you did some work'
Yes! It would make me feel better if I could work! You think I don't know that! You think I have forgotten what it was like to feel useful? You think I have forgotten the pride I used to feel in my job? You think I don't sit here and just sob sometimes when I reflect on the fact that I will never work again? I already feel useless and God knows the media don't help.....all benefit claimants are workshy cheats in their eyes.

When she last came round, I was medicated into zombieness....her response? 'Oh you seem much calmer today, maybe this is the beginning of recovery for you - maybe you'll soon be back to work and normal!'....I have ASD! There is no miracle cure (If there were, you think I wouldn't be pushing my way to the front of the queue to take it?)...and the way I am? This is NORMAL!!!!This is how I am!

Oh, and she also asked if I 'really' need my stick for walking?! What should I say? No, it's the latest fashion accessory? Or, No I only use ot to gain a little sympathy?...I use the darned thing because my balance is so shot to hell that I was falling over in the street. I denied it for ages. Resisted the fact that I needed a stick. I'm only just starting to admit that the stick is almost as necessary to my balance as my glasses are to my eyesight.

And there's the big issue of Mum. My wonderful, amazing , best-in-the-world Mum. She is a an OAP with her own health issues and she is also my unofficial and unpaid carer. And this relative of mine tells me that I should stop relying on Mum ad become independent. She tells me that I am ruining my darling Mum's life. That my Mum should be 'enjoying' her golden years not be lumbered with looking after me.....I already feel guilty enough, and half of Mum's time seems to be spent reassuring me that I am still a use to her, and that she loves me just as I am.....When this relative last visited Mum, I stayed away for the whole of the first day to give them 'quality time' together. But she complained when Mum phoned me for 5 minutes.

It hurts because this is not just 'a relative'....she's my baby sister (grown up with her own family but she'll always be my 'baby' sister!)...I love her so much.

Wow! That helps! Just to get it off my chest!

So, I don't want to feel guilty. I have no reason to feel guilty (all my benefits are claimed truthfully). I shouldn't feel guilty. But I do.

MoneySaverForever

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who's taken the time to respond! it's good to know I'm not alone xxx