Sparkerly's SOA

WASHER

I know you said you don't want to move the children as one of them is doing exams, however is the other child at that stage yet, if not, could you consider moving them and getting a private tutor in to help them in the evening for a couple of times a week if you think a state school isn't upto the standard of the private school, it would be much cheaper and as violaLass said in her post above, she wouldn't have liked her parents to get into further debt by sending her to a private school.

You are fortunate really to have many options available to you, reduce spending, consider moving from a private to state school, or seeking work. Alot of people are not in your position with a good income, they have limited options open to them.

You and your husband need to reaccess your lifestyle as well as your financial affairs.

When I had to tell my husband years ago about the level of debt we had, I found having a list of "solutions" made it slightly easier for him to take it in when I told him the "problem".

WASHER.x.

LillythePink

How did it go with the OH last night?

Sparkerly

sophieschoice wrote: »

I've been to Guernsey a couple of times and know that the price of food over there is truly horrendous.
Would it be possible for the OP to start growing some of their own food?
Alternatively, they have 'hedge veg' over there where you can pick your own from the roadside and leave the money in an honesty box.
I do know that people, particularly the more wealthy, pay a premium for house cleaners so maybe take a job cleaning for now?

I tried growing my own veg, but don't seem to have green fingers. Recently dug up my potatoes to find I had managed to grow 2 and they were the size of peas!:rotfl:

Sparkerly

Firstly thank you for all the kind wishes for my chat with OH. I would love to say that it went well, but we ended up having a huge row and I went to bed - I think I had such an emotional day just accepting just how bad the situation was, the slightest critism set me off.

I thought I would start with the easier things that we had talked about in passing in the past, but never made any decisions on as surely that would have been easier, but I was very wrong.

I wanted to cut out the gym/swim membership as we have bikes, lovely beaches not too far away for walks/runs and we have a wii fit, but his first comment was they weren't good enough for what he wanted. Obviously this got my back up, but knowing there were more difficult decisions to come ie Sky, I tried to compromise saying that I would cancel my gym membership and the kids swimming on as if they really want to go than it would be cheaper to pay when they actually use it. This solution wasn't the best but I did want to keep him on side.

So when the kids went to bed I showed him the SOA and the fact that we were spending more each month than we had coming in, hoping that would swing it. But no, he then decided that he wouldn't go if I didn't go with him and he didn't get any support in being healthy so just cancel it. This really annoyed me as when the kids were younger we had to go seperately anyway, and as for not supporting I cook healthy meals, make sure there is stuff for his lunch, but he then said he was talking about the ironing not being done! Well housework is an area that causes many issues between us at the best of times, so last night this was like a red rag to a bull. I may not do all the ironing so he has to do it once a week in the evenings, but who does the majority of the cooking, tidying and cleaning, in fact when was the last time anyone but me cleaned the bathroom :mad:

I decided that enough was enough for one day as I couldn't take any more and we were getting no-where so had an early night.

We had a quick chat this morning and realise that we were both in the wrong and we will try again tonight. I am going to spend today showing where we will be in a couple of years if we don't sort this now, come up with suggestions and show the effect they would have and make a list of financial priorities which hopefully he will agree with in which case the suggestions for cutbacks should sell themselves *fingers crossed*

We did however, discuss the issue of the car and decided that although we may not use it all that regularly, OH does need it to move his equipment when he DJs so if we got rid of it and had to hire it would not be that cost affective. And in the summer we use it loads to get out and about - the bus system is not that frequent at times!

As someone pointed out I'm having my lightbulb moment and have had a lot of support and advice here, he hasn't had that yet so it may take a while for him to get fully on board. Also the kids have to understand what we are going through and how things have to change, so a family meeting will take place this weekend.

Thanks again for all the support, wish I had faced things and come here a lot sooner :T:T:T

the_cat

Well done Sparkerly

I'm sure your chat tonight will be better... not such a bolt from the blue for him. I always find with my OH that the best way to get him on board is to present the big problem and ask for his help in solving it (even if I've already decided what needs to be done;))

Listing everything down (espec the situation in a few years time) and going over the possibilities sounds a great idea and will def help him see the bigger issue. Maybe give him all the figures and then leave him to it for a few hours/overnight. He won't feel so railroaded if you let him come to terms with it the way you have. It's very easy to get deflected from the main event and end up rowing over stupid stuff, isn't it

ViolaLass

Well done for beginning to tackle the issues, it will take time, I imagine.

Just an idea but when I have to present my OH with something I don't think he'll like, I start with "I'm going to say something I don't think you'll like" and then give him the figures/facts and leave them with him, rather than asking him to make a decision on the spot. We had to discuss our shopping budget recently so I said "We're spending X too much per month, my ideas are that we could stop getting a, b or c, have a think and let me know your thoughts tomorrow". I've found that that works better than saying "Which shall we not get, I want a decision now".

(Doesn't always work, we still argue plenty and I'm no expert on avoiding arguments but it seems to help a bit)

NeverAgain_2

I reckon I'm as sharp as the next man, but some things do take a little time to sink in.

That process sometimes comes over as being obstructive, or just plain thick.

But it isn't - not usually.

tallyhoh

I got an OH like that, doesnt want to cut back on anything but leaves all the budgeting to me, just expects the lord will provide.

How about saying you have to cut down £X and leaving him to make suggestions?

moocowone

Sparkerly wrote: »

I'm in even more trouble than I thought

Yes and no.

You have a decent income, and the debts aren't that high relative to your income, but you've obviously lived beyond your means for a while, and it's crunch time now. Unfortunately, that means a painful readjustment, but with a good household income these debts can be tackled, and there is quite clearly light at the end of the tunnel.

It will be tempting to pay these debts off (very) slowly to reduce the impact on your lifestyle. But with around £30,000 of debt at 12% interest, it's costing you £3,600 in interest each year (these are only very rough calculations). So, think very carefully about how much extra interest you'll pay if you delay paying these debts off.

You've already said you won't move your children to a different school. Are you prepared to move house? Cancelling Sky subscription is a contentious issue. Can you cut back on take aways? etc.

Ask yourself - well, ask your family - these questions but, before you do, work out the true cost of each of these luxuries. Work out how much longer it will take to pay off your debts if you keep, say, Sky TV, and how much that delay will cost you in interest. Then ask, is it worth it?

As I said, I think you will have to go through a painful period of readjustment, but I do also think you've got reason to be optimistic.

[Deleted User]

Hi Sparkerly,

I hope things are improving - I'm sure that your OH will get to the same place as you are now, but it will probably take time for him to digest the info and then he'll have his LBM too!

Thought I'd have a go at your full SOA.

And sorry for hijacking your thread for pizza base recepies!

D9

Sparkerly wrote: »

Using the link provided, here is my updated SOA

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 1

Monthly Income Details
Partners monthly income after tax....... 4501
Other income............................ 115
Total monthly income.................... 4616

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 788
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 1382.1
Council tax............................. 42 is this paid 12 monthly, or like here and only over 10 months? If the latter see if you can spread over 12.
Electricity............................. 78
Gas..................................... 79 I now you've just got this down a good bit, but did you check to see if you were in credit? (if so claim it back) And, hopefully with the coming summer months you'll see this go down too.
Water rates............................. 29.36
Telephone (land line)................... 12.5
Mobile phone............................ 20.58
TV Licence.............................. 12.37
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 63.83 a sore point with your OH, so I won't comment further. But are there any companies where you are that offer a combined package og internet, home phone, TV - see if that would be cheaper (I know it can be here - talktalk, sky, virgin are the ones I know of here)
Internet Services....................... 18.53
Groceries etc. ......................... 450 I also know that you're working on this, so won't comment further other than to suggest you have a look at this webpage http://www.cheap-family-recipes.org.uk/ there are some very good cheap and healthy recepies on there, even if they're not all to your taste (but the menu is nutritionally balanced)
Clothing................................ 50 stick to essentials only until debt free - wear what you have. Also, have a good clear out and see if you have things that no longer fit/you no longer wear that you could sell on e-bay to pay down some of your debts
Petrol/diesel........................... 20
Car Insurance........................... 16.25
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0 probably need to budget a little here, so if you need any repairs etc you don't have to get into debt to get them done (even £10/£15 pm maybe)
Other child related expenses............ 145 what does this cover? Their swimming that you said you were going to cancel? Anything else?
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 45 (I have to admit I know nothing about medical/healthcare where you are, but is there a cheaper way to do this? Is this prescriptions? Here you can get a pre-paid prescription certificate and if you need multiple regular prescriptions and it works out cheaper - is there anything similar there? And, if this is for contact lenses they are often cheaper online, so try shopping around)
Buildings insurance..................... 15
Contents insurance...................... 15
Life assurance ......................... 323.27 How many more months until OH's work contribute? And how much will your contribution be then?
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 50 Any way to cut down?
Haircuts................................ 45 Are there any training colleges near where you are? They often offer demonstration/trainee cuts for very cheap or free. Alternatively, try going an extra week or two in between cuts
Entertainment........................... 289 Other than the gym (that I know you want to cancel) what does this cover? Are there cheaper alternatives?
Emergency fund.......................... 0 Ideally a little here, but perhapse counter productive until you can make income meet expenditure.
School fees............................. 725.5 (How many more years to go? And does this tend to go up every year?) Is this spread over 12 monthly payments, or only term time?
Total monthly expenses.................. 4715.29

Assets
House value (Gross)..................... 450000
Shares and bonds........................ 5000 Would it be feasible to cash these in and pay towards your most expensive debt? Unless they're earning/likely to earn you a higher return than your most expensive debt (14.85%), probably not worth keeping.
Car(s).................................. 2000
Other assets............................ 3500 What does this cover, anything that you could feasibly cash in sell?
Total Assets............................ 460500

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR What are the APR's?
Mortgage...................... 132345...(788)......0
Secured Debt.................. 12255....(322.5)....0
Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 3242.62..(117.6)....0<
Mortgage (2)...................215256...(942)......0
Total secured & HP debts...... 363098.6.-.........-

Unsecured Debts - Have you stopped spending on the cards? Are the payments you are making reducing the balances each month, or are you only paying the interest and nothing else?
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
HSBC CC (self).................4868......120.......11.9
HSBC CC (OH)...................7374......180.......11.9
HSBC OD........................5000......0.........11.9
First Direct OD................1000......0.........14.85 (As this is your most expensive debt, any extra cash/savings that you can make above your expenses should go towards reducing this (might not be able to in the short term, but if/when you can concentrate on this one first)
Total unsecured debts..........18242.....300.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 4,616
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 4,715.29
Available for debt repayments........... -99.29
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 300
Amount short for making debt repayments. -399.29 (It can be done)But as I am sure you know, it won't be that easy, but there's room in your SOA.

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 460,500
Total HP & Secured debt................. -363,098.62
Total Unsecured debt.................... -18,242
Net Assets.............................. 79,159.38
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using IE browser.[/i]

Still got to find out my APRs for one of the loans and the mortgages.

My OH does make a bit extra money by DJ-ing, but as its not regular I have not included it. (you should try and make the necessary savings to make your expenditure meet your regular income, and given that this is irregular income perhapse you could use it to overpay your most expensive debts first (First Direct OD))

Also, I know that you are looking for a new job, but is there anything "extra" that you could do (like your OH's DJing) in the meanwhile to "up your income" (check out the "up your income" board for ideas: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=145

Going to show this to OH tonight over a glass of wine and TELL him we are cancelling a few things!

I hope speaking to your OH the second time round goes better than the first!

HTH,

D9