am i doing the right thing??

jellytot79

my boyfriend is someone i have known pretty much all my life and used to be best friends with before i got married. we have been in contact for a long time but became closer when i started visitingmy sister more often.
i do feel some people are being judgemental and as someone else said i have been vague about things, i was just looking to see people opinions rather than an answer as i know everyones situation is different and i will do what is best for everyone concerned

Schwade

Sounds like you need to think about your children first rather than your need to be closer to your boyfriend.

mrcow

You need to do what is right for your children - and carting them 300 miles away from their Dad isn't it. It would be a very selfish and upsetting thing to put them through.

CH27

jellytot79 wrote: »

my boyfriend is someone i have known pretty much all my life and used to be best friends with before i got married. we have been in contact for a long time but became closer when i started visitingmy sister more often.
i do feel some people are being judgemental and as someone else said i have been vague about things, i was just looking to see people opinions rather than an answer as i know everyones situation is different and i will do what is best for everyone concerned

You have both come out of relationships with children.
You both have a lot of baggage.
Rushing into a new relationship will not benefit any of the children.

Put your children first.

xtcc

This happens a lot people seem to avoid the original question.

You have family and friends in the area you want to move to, your children know the area well having visited it most of their lives,your oldest 14 is very keen to move and your youngest isn't 100% but he's only 10 so will soon adapt. Your ex isn't kicking and screaming and it sounds like he's reasonable and so are you. So you've moved on and got a new relationship, good for you seriously. Why do people have to read more into what's been written?

If you said im moving to a totally new area, where I know no one but my new boyfriend then thats a different subject!

I'd take peoples assumptions with a pinch of salt. Only you know all the ins and outs

Hobo17

What would you do if your 10 year old decided they wanted to stay with their dad in the current area?

rpc

jellytot79 wrote: »

my boyfriend cant move here as he has a baby son that he has joint custody of,

This sounds a little like double standards - boyf won't move away from his ex because of the child, but you are happy to move away from your ex and take the kids with you. Nobody has "custody" of a child although the child may have joint residency.

Children need a dad, moving 300 miles away deprives them of that. You are unilaterally cutting contact - several times a week to one weekend a month is a massive change. If he said he was taking the children away 300 miles from you, would you accept that?

carolan78

I wouldn't want to live in the small town your currently in but I wouldn't want to take the children 300 miles from their Dad either. It's an extremely difficult decision to make and although you'll get all kinds of varying opinions on an open forum ultimately none of us know your family so are unable to judge how they might cope or not cope with such a huge lifestyle change.

All we can do is base it on how we would feel or how we think our children will feel and you can't make huge decisions based on other peoples feelings.

balletshoes

You know OP, I'd be in a similar situation if OH and I ever split up. My home and my support system would be back with my family, 370 miles away (but on the mainland).
However, personally, because my daughter adores her Dad and vice versa, I couldn't take her that far away from him while he was happy and willing to see her several times a week. I would hope that if I explained to OH that I would be happier in my hometown, and our daughter would have all my family around etc, that he would possibly arrange to move near there too (it wouldn't be an impossibility for him). But if he felt he couldn't do that, then realistically I would stay put, to allow the maximum time he has with his child.

If its the village and the perceived nosiness thats making you feel gossiped about etc, could you maybe move to a town nearby/another village, where no-one knows you and you can start over?

shy-but-need-help

I know you mention in your current town putting up with the feeling of being talked about by Exdh's family but have you considered that in your old hometown you will have the support of your own family but may also be running the possibility of gossip/comments and so on from your boyfriends Ex-wifes family? (presuming they live there) you could be leaving one uncomfortable situation and walking head long into a far more dramatic, nasty one as I'm guessing their split is also fairly recent as he has a baby rather than a child.

Overall your children would adapt to a move, fact is the majority of children will, but I think you stand the chance of irrepairably damaging their relationship with their father. However your children will also grow up very quickly to an age where they can make their own choices and if your new relationship is going to last then it will cope another couple of years of distance living until your 14 year old is off to university/independant living and your 10 year old could decide reasonably whether to leave with you or stay with dad.