wedding invite, sort of.

CL

Myself and many of my friends have gotten married in the last few years, and I can imagine how this happened.

Bride tells mother she is having 100 to the wedding and has no room for aunts and uncles. Mother says aunt such and such has to be invited. Daughter says, you might be close to them, but I'm not. I don't want to invite them at the expense of a friend. Mother yaps on and on and eventually persuades daughter to squeeze in the 2 aunts that have to be invited, without their OHs. Aunt and uninvited uncle are offended and wouldn't have cared if they weren't invited at all. Mother should have butted out.

euronorris

I agree CL. It's that kind of thing which caused quite a few arguments between my sister and my parents when planning her wedding!

melancholly

CL wrote: »

Mother should have butted out.

or at the very least made a phone call/ensured that invites were sent to the correct addresses!

JodyBPM

Most likely a money/numbers thing. Unless its a misunderstanding and the bride's mother said to the bride to be, " You must remember to invite Auntie x & Auntie y, and she simply wrote that on the invitation?

Unless I was particularly close to the bride to be, I wouldn't be offended. I don't particularly expect to get wedding invitations from people I don't see or socialise with regularly.

Nicki

I think it's clear that you aren't invited, for whatever reason.

I also think it would be the height of rudeness to phone or have your wife phone to clarify the situation or to ask for an explanation. Your wife should just either go or not go depending on how she feels about going with her sister and not her spouse. Planning and paying for a wedding is onerous enough without feeling coerced by distant family members into issuing extra invitations for spouses, children, etc!

BugglyB

Unless you genuinely wanted and are disappointed about not getting to see them get married, I would say, just leave it. Have a day of frivolous fun yourself! and thank god you're not having to sit through another boring wedding!

Torry_Quine

Nicki wrote: »

I think it's clear that you aren't invited, for whatever reason.

I also think it would be the height of rudeness to phone or have your wife phone to clarify the situation or to ask for an explanation. Your wife should just either go or not go depending on how she feels about going with her sister and not her spouse. Planning and paying for a wedding is onerous enough without feeling coerced by distant family members into issuing extra invitations for spouses, children, etc!

Since when have your aunt and uncle become distant relatives though. It seems very strange to invite one and not the other.

CL

Nicki wrote: »

I think it's clear that you aren't invited, for whatever reason.

I also think it would be the height of rudeness to phone or have your wife phone to clarify the situation or to ask for an explanation. Your wife should just either go or not go depending on how she feels about going with her sister and not her spouse. Planning and paying for a wedding is onerous enough without feeling coerced by distant family members into issuing extra invitations for spouses, children, etc!

If OPs OH and the bride's mother are close, it would be better for her to call the mother and ask "Just making sure it's just me and Jean going incase we misunderstood and when OH doesn't show up you are offended."

That is bound to be better than Jean/Helen bearing a grudge over a misunderstanding.

melancholly

Nicki wrote: »

I also think it would be the height of rudeness to phone or have your wife phone to clarify the situation or to ask for an explanation. Your wife should just either go or not go depending on how she feels about going with her sister and not her spouse. Planning and paying for a wedding is onerous enough without feeling coerced by distant family members into issuing extra invitations for spouses, children, etc!

wedding planning is clearly stressful for some couples and it is certainly not uncommon for partners not to be invited. that i have no issue with. this particular situation suggests that whoever did the invite didn't really have a clue. i think the couple have the right to do whatever they want, but they can do it with manners. most of us have been in situations as friends or family where we haven't been invited; i've never had it sent in an invite to someone else without an email/phone call.

i personally think it's the height of rudeness to ignore half of a couple that has been together as long i've been alive. simple manners would dictate both or none.

Pee

It could be that they don't like the other auntie's partner. Maybe I am reading too much into your wording there. You won't know the circumstances without your OH asking her sister. Even then, it might not be the truth, depending on characters.

I do think it's rude.

My cousin got married and my boyfriend wasn't invited. I was invited with my mum and dad and sister even though I no longer live with them and me and my sister are in our 30's. I felt a bit miffed, but went anyway. (My sister didn't have a partner, and she needed the company, and besides, I like my cousin.) During the day my uncle caught me on my own and explained why he felt he couldn't invite my boyfriend, my parents refuse to accept him and it would upset them, but the fact he apologised and acknowledged my feelings made me feel much better.

I would say that if you feel strongly you would like to go your wife should have a word, but otherwise just enjoy the day off and do something else. Afterall, I reckon on about £25 -30 per person on a wedding present based on that's what it costs to feed guests and in this case only your OH needs to be chipping in!