Moving in with someone who's in debt???

Emmzi

sounds like he is in a real mess!

do you want to end up giving him lots of money for food and leccy, or do you wnt to keep paying your mortgsge and putting some by in case the kids want to go to uni? I think you have a greater duty to your children, unless they have a rich dad lurking to pay tuition fees etc?

When bf is debt free by whatever means (and it sounds like bankruptcy may be one option) then talk about moving in.

Your kids future is more important.

Kimberley82

I would want to see real commitment from him about paying them off.

But it seems the attitude her is if you have messed up financially then you are the devil.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

DONT DO IT!!!!!

Take it from someone who knows!!

Credit wise - If you get a joint mortgage - YES you will be linked financially - so anything in your JOINT house is JOINTLY owned and if he defaults and debt cololectors come knocking they WILL remove your property if he doesnt pay

If he can afford a mortgage WHY cant he pay his debts off?

Some of his debts MAY not be enforceable - has he done a credit check? Some* debts over 6 years old (if he has made no contact and hasnt paid anything) can be written off (*nip over to the debt free board - they can advise better)

Just one point - no, not everyone who has gotten into debt is the devil - its refusing to do anything about it and risking others that they involve thats the problem

FBaby

You need to be true to yourself about the reasons for his debts. Does he knows the exact amount of his debt? Does he knows how much money he has on his account? Does he try to budget as tightly as possible now, does he have a clear plan to repay? Was he responsible before all this happened? You've been with him for some time so you should know.

If he is trully trying to repay his loan, doesn't buy anything unecessary and clearly show eagerness to sort it all out, I would consider it. If however the reality is that he is bad at managing his money, his debts are also due to some recklessness and more importantly, you think that he could see you moving in with him as helping him managing his debt, I would say no thank you. By the way, did he ask you to move in, or is it your consideration? Did the subject ever come up before?

C_Mababejive

OP..my advice is to stick with what youve got and where you are.

You need to remember to look after no1 first i.e you and your children.

If you are involved with someone then things need to be relatively equal.

Dont take a step down,always move either sideways or upwards.

Never live in a house that you dont have a legal right to occupy.

pinkshoes

To answer your question regarding being financially linked, then so long as you have no shared financial product (including joint bank accounts, loans in both your names, a joint mortgage etc...) then your credit rating will be fine.

It sounds a little more like bad with money rather than bad luck! If you really love the guy, then by all means move in together, but you have to accept that you will not own a house together for years, as it will take a LONG time for him to build up his credit rating after paying off all his debts.

Financial compatibility is SO important in a relationship, and due to it being overlooked by so many, it's one of the main reasons for relationship failure.

How is he currently paying his mortgage? Would he lose any benefits if you moved in? (given you work).

Jinx

There are a couple of things here that ring alarm bells - mortgage arrears and retraining at a cost. My thinking is that regardless of debts, you always always pay the mortgage. If the credit cards were due to paying the mortgage then fine but the roof over the childrens head is top priority. Also retraining in my book waits until you are in a position to pay for it, until then any job will do to cover essential bills.

You may think - easy for me to say - but I've been extremely stupid with credit cards in my past and learned the hard way the true cost of easy spending. (much harder to earn than spend!!) I was single and in a lot of debt when I got together with my now hubby - In the beginning he didnt know I had debt, then as we got more serious I told him I had debts and was sorting it (still in our own houses, separate finances etc, both worked full time) and I was doing my own debt management plan. It was only when we started talking moving in together that I finally revealed the full extent of my debts as it was all my doing and nothing to do with him in terms of liability and responsibility. However, I am fully aware that we could not have lived together (he wouldnt have done it!) if I wasnt on the right path. I could have dragged him down and this man could be your financial downfall.

dark_lady

Kimberley82 wrote: »

I would want to see real commitment from him about paying them off.

But it seems the attitude her is if you have messed up financially then you are the devil.

This comment explains a LOT

themull1

I'm on my own with two kids since my husband left, there's no way i would move in with someone who has debts, in fact i'm not ever moving in with anyone again, if you're on your own, you have full control of your own money, and a bit of space, rather than subsidising your OH for stuff if he can't afford it.

Carry_Fisher

Thanks for all your comments. I note that as long as I don't have a joint mortgage or bank account with him then I will not be financially liable for his debts? Fortunately he is working a little at the moment and paying his mortgage (plus extra for arrears) where he can and his house is his main priority. This is because he built it and it was his dream to build his own home so if he lost it he would be devastated. Plus, he would lose his children as they would probably end up living with their mum. He has never been in debt before and always had plenty of money. He is paying off his debts slowly and he is honest and open (as far as I know!) with me. My ex gives me maintenance for my children and I have said I would keep their money separate as that is theirs and he accepts that happily but in reality I wouldn't be able to be frivalous with money when he is scrimping and saving to get by would I? His ex doesn't give him anything, she just buys the kids some clothes etc occasionally. I would love us all to live together properly - all the kids get on brilliantly and I don't think we'd ever be able to get enough money for a deposit for another house if he lost his house. So it makes sense to try to hang on to his. I am completely open and honest with him about all of my concerns and he says "love should be the main thing no matter what". I do really love him but my children come first always. I'm just going to keep weighing everything up and giving myself some time until Im sure. Thanks for all your help everyone.