In it together - or not?

notyet

Morning all.

Lots of good suggestions coming through, so thank you all.
Have done an SOA before and should be on here somewhere. Our mortgage is the cheapest on the market, utilities all changed to cheapest again. Sky cancelled, using free internet via deal with phone providers. Have cut back as much as possible and dont really see any other savings to be made. We are being hit with 'snowballing' bank fees, which on set income is hard to reduce, as you know.:(

Last night we went over the SOA again, I told him what was left and his answer? "I need a smoke to keep me sane" :wall:

I do understand the addiction thing, which is probably why ive made allowances, but i've now phoned him and told him he has to take the day off coz i have no fuel/bus fare to collect son from nursery in 2 hours and daughter from school at 3. Maybe losing a days holiday will prove a point? we shall see.:undecided

Well, for now, i shall go and enjoy my 8p pastie (bought from tesco reductions last night) then hide the wrapper.
Hope youre enjoying the sun!
:wave:

Dharma_Bunny

I hope you replies "And the children need food to keep them alive."

Memory_Girl

If aa man asked my kids to do without food so that they could smoke - that would be a deal breaker I'm afraid.

I would be unable to share a roof or a bed with a man that would let my children go hungry - end of.

I hope you find a resolution, but for me the solution would be, there's not enough food to go around - You need to leave.

I wish you all the luck in getting through this difficult time.

MG

elaine12022

My OH has spending issues but has never taken money without asking, to do that shows a total disrespect for you and the children (maybe I'm not sympathetic never having smoked but there you go, my sister told me once how she had to go and meet her ex husband as soon as he got paid or all his money would have gone on fags & booze, none left for her or children or bills. If he is selfish in other ways, which you don't mention, then I would be wondering how you can have a relationship with him over the long term with out you losing your sanity;))

Other than that, as others have said, you need to hide the money well! Is there anyone who could have a word with him, make him see the error of his ways?

timbstoke

Agreed – any partner of mine would be out the first time they took money from me without permission – I’m astounded that you’re just accepting that. At this point, I’m sorry but I’d just be feeding the kids. If he asks where his food is, tell him that since he’s spent a weeks worth of food money on smoking, you have to make up the shortfall somewhere and it shouldn’t be from the kids mouths.

anh1904

If it was a gambling or drug habit would you be as tolerent? I suspect not. This is no different, in that his "habit" is depriving you and your children of lifes basic necessities. You should tell him he needs to go and get help from the GP, but that you cannot fund his "habit" the sway things currently stand.

I know some smokers, and some ex smokers, in my current financial circumstances, I could never afford to smoke and it is one of my pet hates to see people on benefits able to do so, but let's not go there, especially as your OH works and earns.

the_cat

I am going to be blunt and I am probably going to offend

I feel truly sorry for the children caught up in this situation. Their father is more interested in getting his ciggie fix than supplying sufficient food for his family. Their mother appears willing to just sit back and let him, rather than tackle the situation properly, even laughing it off as some sort of joke

These children deserve MUCH better....... from BOTH their parents

Mowgli87

Got to a agree with the_cat there... Miaw...

His behaviour isnt a joke, its taking food from your babies mouth and youre letting him do it.

elisamoose

the_cat wrote: »

I am going to be blunt and I am probably going to offend

I feel truly sorry for the children caught up in this situation. Their father is more interested in getting his ciggie fix than supplying sufficient food for his family. Their mother appears willing to just sit back and let him, rather than tackle the situation properly, even laughing it off as some sort of joke

These children deserve MUCH better....... from BOTH their parents

these kids will get older and hear and understand what is said.So what happens when they tell someone at school that there was no breakfast coz Daddy used the money for cigarettes? at my school that would be a logging concern- and more than one of those and it's a referral to social services.

RosaBernicia

What Memory Girl said. :T

And I notice you said packs of cigarettes, so it doesn't sound like he's even cut back to rolling his own.

Rosa xx