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In it together - or not?

notyet
Posts: 49 Forumite


Hello Everyone.
Just wondering if you could give some tips on controlling my partners spending habits?!
Last night we realised that we wont have any further income this month, and have the grand total of £14.86 left (after scrabbling around in the car trays and jeans pockets).:(
Very little shopping in the cupboards, but my hens are laying well. Have gone over the situ with the other half and told him not to touch the change in the bag, as i'll need to do some super-savvy shopping with it, budgeting myself to spending £1.50 per day and no more. Lo and behold.... i awake this morning to find the change scattered across the kitchen worktop with £2.85 gone. :mad: He has spent it on his way to work, on cigarettes. Not even something we could make a dinner from! I am so angry, I told him last night that if he did it we would be having a real fall out today!
Can i get free nicotine patches and stick them over his mouth to stop him smoking? Would it be cruel to plaster pics of him all over town asking shops not to serve him? Or should i opt for the direct approach and lock him out?
(Thanks for reading my ramblings!)
Just wondering if you could give some tips on controlling my partners spending habits?!
Last night we realised that we wont have any further income this month, and have the grand total of £14.86 left (after scrabbling around in the car trays and jeans pockets).:(
Very little shopping in the cupboards, but my hens are laying well. Have gone over the situ with the other half and told him not to touch the change in the bag, as i'll need to do some super-savvy shopping with it, budgeting myself to spending £1.50 per day and no more. Lo and behold.... i awake this morning to find the change scattered across the kitchen worktop with £2.85 gone. :mad: He has spent it on his way to work, on cigarettes. Not even something we could make a dinner from! I am so angry, I told him last night that if he did it we would be having a real fall out today!
Can i get free nicotine patches and stick them over his mouth to stop him smoking? Would it be cruel to plaster pics of him all over town asking shops not to serve him? Or should i opt for the direct approach and lock him out?
(Thanks for reading my ramblings!)
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Comments
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I can certainly sympathise with you, my husband smoked for a very long time despite the waste of money and damage to health. To be honest, I don't think you can control his spending and in my experience the more you try to force the issue the more he will want to rebel against you. What may work is to give up control completely, by that I mean make him responsible for the household's spending. If he is the one who has to live with the consequences of his spending, it might help him to understand how how hard it is to source food for so little and how precious that money is.
On that note, there really is something to be said for shopping late at night. Our local ASDA often almost gives food away at the end of the night, for eg, we got a packet of a cornish pastry, sauceage roll and chicken pastry for 8 pence. We've been able to get packs of rolls for 4 pence. Seriously cheap.[STRIKE]£1900[/STRIKE], [STRIKE]£1750 [/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1685 [/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1601 [/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1478[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1325 [/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1162[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1050 [/STRIKE] £970 worth of debt to clear
Time to change my attitudes towards money, its maths, not magic. If I can't afford it, I cant have it. Simples.
Goal 1: Clear debts
Goal 2: Learn how to save0 -
Give him an egg for dinner. If he asks why that's all there is, remind him that he spent two days worth of food money on smoking, which is clearly more important to him.0
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Hi
We need to know a bit more about the circumstances. Are you in rented out buying? Do you have any joint accounts? How do you get to work?
A full SOA would be ideal.
Right now, get that money off the work-top and put it somewhere he cannot get it.
Go over to the money savinlg old style forum with a list of what shopping you do have in and ask them to help you put together a menu plan for the rest of the month, as a short-term solution.
Slice of dry bread and a glass of water for him tonight.If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing0 -
Hide the money.
Give me a boiled egg for tea tonight.Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.0 -
thanks for replies everyone! shopping isnt too difficult for me as i work in a supermarket. Mrs Potato Head has it spot on, you can pick up real bargains if youre lucky and happen to be there at the right time. Just makes me so mad when he reads over our SOA, looks at online banking, tells ME we are in trouble then blantantly does what pleases him. (grrrrrrrrr, seethe, gnash teeth, etc, etc, etc!)
Appreicate your thoughts guys.
Happy Monday to all!!0 -
Partial success here.
His lordship came home and demanded his feeding, so i gave him 2 eggs, no bread, nothing on the side. When he asked for coffee, thats what he got, strong black unsweetened coffee. He spat it out, cursed it for not having sugar or milk. Then cursed me all night coz he was hungry, so with innocent face i pointed out we cant afford to buy sugar 'just for him'. He asked what money i had so i told him £1.75. "Is that all?" he says. "Yep, and i got to get something for tomorrow night with that"
He spent half hour rooting through cupboards and grumbling about the food. I thought i was winning. Then this morning I find he has found my cash and taken £2.70!!
Just wait til he gets home!!!!!!!0 -
Partial success here.
His lordship came home and demanded his feeding, so i gave him 2 eggs, no bread, nothing on the side. When he asked for coffee, thats what he got, strong black unsweetened coffee. He spat it out, cursed it for not having sugar or milk. Then cursed me all night coz he was hungry, so with innocent face i pointed out we cant afford to buy sugar 'just for him'. He asked what money i had so i told him £1.75. "Is that all?" he says. "Yep, and i got to get something for tomorrow night with that"
He spent half hour rooting through cupboards and grumbling about the food. I thought i was winning. Then this morning I find he has found my cash and taken £2.70!!
Just wait til he gets home!!!!!!!
Give him just the one egg tonight!! if he does it again today dish up nothing on the plate!!A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B."0 -
1. Hide all remaining money in a place he will never find it. The cleaning cupboard works well in our house;)
2. Buy food he hates up to the value that he has 'stolen' from the food pot
3. Make him cook his own bl++dy egg!0 -
I think you need to get what little money you have out of the house. Do you have a locker at work?
And I think you seriously need to consdier whether you want to stay in this relationship if he is that abusive. What if you had kids and no food?If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing0 -
Notyet, I sympathise totally with you, my husband has been a smoker for the last 30 years and would always agree heartily with me that we had no money and all non essentials need to go and then pop down the shop for 20 lambert and a large bag of minstrels! Its taken me 14 years but ive finally got him to understand that money isnt free if you use a credit card, it just feels that way because I sort all the bills! I sat him down frequently with all our credit card statements, bank statements, loan agreement with current owed figure, food reciepts and made him work out in front of me exactly how much money we needed to cover our basics, which would work for a while then he would slip back into spending and we would do it again. He is alot better now, I knew i'd made it when we went to tesco and he wanted biscuits and automatically picked up the tesco value packs and beamed at me cos they were on 3 for 2 so he could have 3 packs of biscuits for 80p :rotfl:.
He has just given up smoking 2 weeks ago and I have a tin for him that he puts his £6 every 2 days and he is not allowed to open until december (he always moans we cant afford to go on holiday so I called it his 'stop smoking and get a holiday fund) and have told him that any money that is in there is for him to book us a family holiday for next year. He's the kind of bloke who just doesnt understand how much he throws away on incidental things and visualisation really helps keep it stuck in his mind.
The main problem we had was that to my hubby, smoking WAS a neccessity, he is addicted to nicotine and when he needed a ciggie it really was more important than a meal that night, until we got to that night and he was hungry, then it was blatantly pointed out that he made a choice and we would be hungry.
As I said he has got so much better over the years with his spending so keep on at your OH, keep pointing out he's made a choice to spend your food money, it does make you the nagging wife but at some point the light bulb flicks and they realise your right and trying to keep a roof over your heads. And as others said, hide your money!!SPC No 002 SPC(3) £285/£250 (4) £519.84/£500 (5) £768.32/£500 (6) £911.30/£600 (7) £913.23/£600 (8) £1184.82/£750 (9) £2864.04/£750 (10) £3846.25/£1000 (11) £1779.72/£1000 (12) £1596.55/£1000 (13) £1534.70/£1000 (14) £775.60/£1000 (15) £700.20/£1000 (16) £2081.34/£1000 (17) £1691.15/£1000 (18) £25/£10000
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