Reasonable time for 14 yr old DS to be home in the evening

nettttie

I dont set a time and he doesn't milk it. If I pick him up from gf's its 9.30pm on a school night. He wouldn't be happy with 8.30 at 14. I do know I'm lucky with him and always know where he is.

jellyhead

Somewhere between 8:30 and 9 on a school night for mine, but the youth club he volunteers at doesn't finish til 9 and then he tidies away, so that's a later night but he is with adults and I know he's not smashing vodka bottles on toddler playparks.

When friends are here I kick them out at 9pm too. I don't care what they are allowed to do at home - my husband needs to go to bed at 10 and we want the child in the house and the doors locked before then. I realise we will have to reassess this as he gets older.

I am much stricter with mine - it really is true that everyone else is allowed out for longer, allowed on their playstation until 2am even on a school night etc. etc. but they get up and go to school the next day, they do their homework and they pass their exams and stay in the top stream easily, whereas my 14 year old needs a lot more sleep than they do and cannot function properly without it. He doesn't wake up, ignores his alarm and has to be forced out of bed. He forget homework, he doesn't pack the correct books for the day and he is just awful to be around if he hasn't had enough sleep.

I don't know how 'everyone else' manages on so little sleep, a diet of nothing but energy drinks and sweets, no breakfast etc. but it seems that they do. I know the kids and their parents.

pollypenny

If a teenager is a t a specific event, youth club or scouts, an occasional late night is fine. But just 'hanging around' suggests potential for boredom and trouble.

8.30 is fair. By the time he gets to bed it'll be much later.

pigpen

jellyhead wrote: »

Somewhere between 8:30 and 9 on a school night for mine, but the youth club he volunteers at doesn't finish til 9 and then he tidies away, so that's a later night but he is with adults and I know he's not smashing vodka bottles on toddler playparks.

I don't know how 'everyone else' manages on so little sleep, a diet of nothing but energy drinks and sweets, no breakfast etc. but it seems that they do. I know the kids and their parents.

that is exactly how they manage.. caffeine and sugar!!!

Mine have always been told I don't care what 'everyone else' does.. I am not responsible for their wellbeing or education.

Mine are vile on too little sleep too.. my older ones go to bed at 9.. at 12, 13 and 15... Though Sundays the 15 y/o is at church group and is dropped off home at 9:45pm.. I am often in bed b then already!

DD1 is 16 and in bed for 10/11 most nights.. her friend has had no curfew/boundaries since she was about 13.. she is not a pleasant girl.

jellyhead

Sounds awful, but I secretly wish that these friends who do stay up til 3am drinking red bull would start getting worse grades. So far the only reason for getting enough sleep I've given my son that he does agree with is that lack of sleep can cause depression. His most annoying friend (who would argue that black is white) is now arguing that the lack of sleep is CAUSED by depression, and not the other way around. Gah!

dreavi

I remember when I was 13 I was allowed out till 11.30 as long as my parents knew which friends I was with. Helped that I grew up on an army base with Zero crime i suppose. That said I am 29 and I still go to bed at 2am and live on red bull and sweets.

bagginslover

jellyhead wrote: »

Sounds awful, but I secretly wish that these friends who do stay up til 3am drinking red bull would start getting worse grades. So far the only reason for getting enough sleep I've given my son that he does agree with is that lack of sleep can cause depression. His most annoying friend (who would argue that black is white) is now arguing that the lack of sleep is CAUSED by depression, and not the other way around. Gah!

Either way I'd say that was still a good arguement for getting more sleep!

8.30 seems more that resonable to me if he's not at an organised event. If he has behavior issues I htink you need to be even more strict about him getting back on time. Somone else posted about giving him an extra minuite each week he is on time, I'd extend that to taking a minuite off each time he is late too, he needs to learn that bad behavior has consequences, or he will have a shock later in life (not trying to teach you to suck eggs, I'm sure you realise these things)

themull1

9.oo on light nights.

shy-but-need-help

Sounds perfectly normal to me for just "hanging out" - if he had somewhere to be like the cinema, youth club, skatepark or something he's actually doing rather than just being somewhere then I'd say later but for just hanging out it seems like a perfectly normal time to ask for him home.

Would you consider making it later in the summer holidays when the evenings are lighter and he doesn't have school? That may be a good compromise the offer, or talk to other parents of his friends and see what times they ask for (I recall at his age making a pact with my mates we'd all tell our parents the others were allowed out later and as a result we'd all get let out longer... it worked)

moomoomama27

My DD has to be home by 8pm from her friends houses on a weekday. I don't let her roam, she has to be somewhere (at someones house, or the cinema etc), not just walking round the streets, hanging about parks. Just not going to happen!