So upset....

castleton

I know where you are coming from. I won't go into details, but my sister was the same. My parents adored her, she could do no wrong and always managed to present me in a bad light.
16 years ago (after my dad's death) I told both mother and sister exactly what I though. I have not had either in my life since and am truelly happy with my little family.
So be strong and think more of yourself and have a bit of looking after you
Lots of love

make_me_wise

Well done you for finally telling your sister where to go. You have done the right thing and you know it. It was kind of predictable that your sister would react by being abusive and slamming the phone down. She sounds like an arrogant and extremely ignorant individual who has no idea how to behave.

Lets face it the only reason she has employed family is because she felt she could pay you much less and get away with being so abusive. No-one else would put up with her for so long, as you stated.

Dont cry or get in a state over this. See it as a huge liberation and new start. If I were you dont under any circumstances back down and go back to working for her. There are plenty of lovely employers out there who will make working for them a pleasure rather than an abusive chore.

You can only do so much for your mum. If she is determined to not see things for what they are that is up to her. Just be there and be nice to her and support her all you can. For your own sanity though dont listen to 'oh your sisters not so bad blah blah blah' comments. Agree to disagree and dont discuss her. You are free of her now.

abacus73

flippin36 wrote: »

She's been ringing and I've let the phone ring. Will talk to her tomorrow. I'm not bothered about the job so much. I'm upset because my family have been everything to me

flippin36 wrote: »

I have a slight problem in that i have left all my makeup and my (expensive) coat at the shop. Will send OH to collect it tomorrow (coward I know).

Sweety your sister has really got you tied up in knots emotionally hasn't she. You aren't aware yet of just how strong you are. After standing up to her she got abusive. I should think after slamming that phone down she suddenly realised that she was up !!!! creek without a paddle. Hence all the phone calls.

A weaker individual than yourself would have answered those calls, let her talk them round and be back under her control again. You are standing strong and showing her the contempt she deserves by ignoring her. It will be driving her mad that she cant control you and get her own way.

Sending your oh in to collect your things does not show you as a coward. It will show your sister that you are serious about not seeing or having anything to do with her and that you wont lower yourself to be in her company. Silence and distance are very powerful tools with someone like her.

heretolearn_2

well done you, get down the job centre, get a new job, it'll all come up roses for you :-)

Feeling in control of your own life is a fantastic feeling - if a little scary at first - you are going to grow in confidence and you WILL manage. Things are going to be a lot better now this bully is out of your life, it must have been hell for years.

flippin36

No not hell - we have been friends (kind of) most of our adult life, but her behaviour is getting increasingly worse to a point of being aggressive, and I can't take it anymore. She thinks she is being assertive but she is just pushing everyone away from her. The row we had wasn't over much at all (she said I was pathetic just like mum) but it was the straw that broke the camels back. She rang me this week to go over another business idea which she said she wanted me to go round the country doing trade fairs (errr you seem to have forgotten I have kids to look after) and her exact words when I questioned the logistics "we will have to work mum to death of course". She was being tongue in cheek but it isn't funny because its too close to the truth. I told her she needs to get other people on board and she said she will when the business takes off. (rolls eyes)

Her partner is a bit of a nasty piece of work when it comes to business and I sometimes think she's trying too hard to be like him.

Thanks for letting me get it off my chest.

pigpen

I do like Jojo's idea.. sue for constructive dismissal.. love it!

I would go with hubby for your stuff.. walk in head high and say nothing.. pick up your stuff and walk out.. if she tries to talk to you, have a plan.. you say you do not have anything to say to her until she can apologise and behave like a normal person and if she goes on hubby steps between you and her and you walk out and he follows.. say nothing else, don't get drawn into a conversation..let her see you ae not scared or backing down!

flippin36

I think I might go and get my stuff. The original plan was for me to go in today to help with a display that needs changing, I have some things here that I have promised her so I will go and take it, pick up my stuff and come straight home. ie not give her chance to be very "lovely" like she can be when she wants me to do something. I'll be pleasant with her but I'm not going to work there anymore and i'll ignore her calls. She won't bother with me when I've lost my usefulness.

MrsAtobe

May I offer some advice? Twke your OH with you when you go. If you really feel that you can't face her when you get there, he can go in on his own and the trip won't be wasted. Your sister won't change her behaviour overnight, and you'll feel better with some moral support.

Good for you for standing up to her btw!

RAS

Agree

If OH is just sitting in the car outside with the engine on, you have to get in and out quickly, which prevents her drawing you into a conversation.

meritaten

It's probably much too late - but I would let OH get your stuff! and unless the stuff you promised her actually belongs to her - then she can whistle for it!

How did it go OP? Did you go in? please let us know.