So upset....

flippin36

Hope you guys don't mind me off loading some stuff on you but I feel sick with worry this evening . ( there is a financial angle to this story)

Basically I have had a big falling out with my sister (who also employs me). All my life I have been put down and demoralised by her, she critisises me constantly, she's only nice to me when she wants something, she uses me and belittles everything I do (its always been like this 38 years) not just in my job but all areas of my life. Whats more she is really horrible to our mum, who is 70 and also works for her. She is quite happy for her to work all hours but she complains and critisises her all the time to a point of making her cry. She often doesn't pay her for the work she does.

My mum is going blind and often misses things, which she then mocks or berates her (she shouldn't be working), she refuses to speak to her on the phone because she has a stammer and hasn't the time to wait for her to get the words out so she ignores the phone if she rings :mad: . My sister likes to employ family because she knows we will go above and beyond to help her out plus put up with her bad moods. She tried employing non family but it always ended up badly.

She is now wanting me to go into business with her and has been putting pressure on me. I haven't got either the funds nor the time and energy to go into business. Also I think her business ideas are ridiculous and usually revolve around me financing it and my mum doing the donkey work . She starts off being extra friendly and charming but when she doesn't get the answer she wants she gets aggressive and obnoxious with me. She even arranged a loan on my behalf from my dad to put into the business (I didn't know anything about it) .

So to cut a long story short (sorry) after a pretty nasty call from her this evening, for the first time, something snapped inside and I told her what I think and not to ring me anymore, she slammed the phone down after a load of abuse. We have never fallen out before and it has really knocked me for six - plus I've lost my job. Can't stop crying and I feel very shakey - she barely speaks to my brother so I feel my family is totally falling apart. I know I've done the right thing but it still hurts me . I could do with some wise words regarding my mum too, both me and my dad have tried talking to her about it but she is in total denial about how she is being treated.

Hope you don't mind me getting of my chest. Our family must sound very strange . TIA

Plans_all_plans

Your sister has dominated the whole family all her life. One of 2 things will happen now IMO:

1) you and the rest of your family will live happily without her interference and she will end up sad and bitter

2) she'll realise what she's missing out on, apologise and learn how to keep herself in check in future

Start looking for another job: she thinks you're all beholden to her cos she has power over your financial situation. I'd beg, borrow, steal and get into (a small amount) debt to keep away from her myself.

ETA: I'd leave your dad to try to talk to your mum about the situation. Your sister sounds very manipulative to get him to agree to loan money to you (without your knowledge!) Surely, once he relays this to your mum she'll want your sister to apologise and change her attitude?

RAS

Not exactly strange, we have someone who would take everything if they could and not think it odd.

You need to ensure that that loan from dad is repaid pronto by your sister.

I know you feel crap, but your sister has to pay you proper notice if you have lost your job.

Get yourself down to the Job Centre on Monday and sign on ASAP.

downshifted

You have made the biggest step - standing up for yourself - well done! Just don't look backwards - look forwards to your new life. A life where you are not dependent on your sister for your income. A life where you do not have to accept her bullying behaviour. A life where you can be in control. You can see her for what she is. Now let everyone see who you are - strong, capable, independent. Good luck - get out there and find a new job and enjoy your freedom :-)

mazy_m

As everyone had said so far you've done one of the hardest things telling her what you thought after all those years!!! I know it's scary when you don't have a job but you must feel a sense of freedom....think how good you'll feel when you do get one...Your mum may even come to a realisation on her own...I wouldn't try and get her to see it at the moment as you don't want the family situation to get any worse (don't worry it's not that bad compared to some family dramas !!) Something just snapped in you but you need to give your mum time to get a feeling similar to that too..

Only you know your sister and how she is ....can you think how she is out of business and work etc and how do you think she'll react by the two of you not talking? Do you think she might come to the realisation she's in the wrong and come (perhaps not crawling) but back and apologise ??

good luck though hon and I hope the situation gets better X

pigpen

Just don't back down.. you stood up for yourself and you said no.. good on you!!!

Do you speak to your brother? Maybe he is the sensible one cutting her out before now. You have him and your parents.. who does she have?

flippin36

pigpen wrote: »

Just don't back down.. you stood up for yourself and you said no.. good on you!!!

Do you speak to your brother? Maybe he is the sensible one cutting her out before now. You have him and your parents.. who does she have?

I speak to him but he's a bit of a twit tbh. He's in his 40's living in between my parents boxroom and the pub after 3 failed marriages and uses my mum as a cashpoint. Ironically this is why my sister doesn't speak to him much (he's taking advantage apparently).

TBH she has pushed everyone away from her, by her own admission. She hasn;t time for idiots.

pigpen

Most men at a bit of a twit..

Look on the bright side.. you can find work you enjoy with people who treat you better.. and this might be aver postive step for you..

I'd leave her to stew and get over herself.. will she need you before you need her?

meritaten

sweety - you have taken a big step tonight! Its NOT the end of the world! as another poster said - get yourself down the jobcentre on Monday.
Dont worry about MUM right now - if she has sacked you then she needs mum more than ever.
If she phones you later and 'unsacks' you - dont accept it! in fact, dont answer the phone to her! she sacked you and you tell the Jobcentre that.
Then you will be able to get a job with DECENT employers - not a slavemistress!
This is YOUR chance to get out from under - take it with both hands hun - to me it sounds like a blessing in disguise.

Rev

I don't really have any advice, sorry, but I just wanted to say well done you. :T :T :T :T :T

It's very, very hard to stand up to someone like that and you did it. You told someone who has mistreated you for a very long time exactly what you thought. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Also, am I the only one who'd be tempted to sue her (or whatever it's called) for unfair dismissal? Unless she had a genuine reason to sack you.

flippin36

Thanks for your kind words. I do feel a bit better (glass of wine in hand). She's been ringing and I've let the phone ring. Will talk to her tomorrow. I'm not bothered about the job so much. I'm upset because my family have been everything to me (i'm the youngest) now I feel i'm on my own - I guess I'm going to have to finally grow up. Sister turning into a psychopath/control freak (lol), brother is a bit of a bum, my dad is very ill and my mum is needing more help (I'm starting to look after them). My sister has put her cards on the table and said she has no intention of looking after them in their old age. I do a lot for them, plus I have my own kids one is profoundly disabled and needs a lot of care. I could just do with a bit of help from them iykwim.