So upset....

shy-but-need-help

Don't back down!

You are valuable, you know within yourself that you have skills and a fabulous work ethic, you've stated yourself that your sister hired you because of your willing to go above and beyond what a job commands of it- take those qualities and take this as a fresh start at a career that does not rely on what mood your sister wakes up in. The finances she was trying to get you to put into her ideas, take that money and invest it in yourself- either in training or getting ideas of your own off the ground.

My sister likes to be very controlling and it was hugely damaging to me because I would constantly let her bully and manipulate me into things, she always had something to hold over me. Last year I decided enough was enough and that I was going to resolve every single issue she had to hold over me- the main one was money she lent me after we lost a baby in 2005 (DH was self employed, I went into extremely deep depression so DH took time out to look after me and the kids, we got into debt she lent to us) She lent me £1000, we paid it back- I thought it drew a line under it but then around 2009 she began that everytime she wanted something to hold over me she'd bring up the fact she was still paying "interest on the unpaid interest" she'd never actually mentioned it to that point that there was interest, but suddenly it became her card to pull everytime she wanted to put me in my place- she knew we had a low income and a large family so it was her one-up card. So just before christmas I bit the bullet and asked how much interest and she told me £2600. I know she came up with such a ridiculous figure because she wanted to always have it to dangle over me and make me feel lousy. So I worked my backside off and several weeks ago paid it her in full.

It is an absolutely wonderful feeling- she is like a fish out of water as she has nothing to hold over me, nothing to make me feel guilty or lesser than her with, nothing making her better than me and we owe nobody anything and most of all- I like the person I am when I wake up in the morning, I'm pretty sure she can't say that!

She is now floundering as she's spent most my life as family bully always getting her way because she's always had something to hold over me to make me feel guilty and used that to pressure me into anything she wanted- she doesn't have that anymore and because she's played the bully role in the family so long she really doesn't know how to act now that role has no ground or sway anymore.

Really, do stick to your guns- it's a wonderful feeling to be completely at peace with yourself and know other people need to do the leg work to get to know you again and be apart of your life again.

I do love my sister, and much of the time I can like her but that doesn't mean I have to like her actions or attitude.

Janey3

After reading your posts I want to shout - hurray - Freedom - well done!

So now you've made the break, and the first step to getting your life back. I don't know how you've stuck it, working with someone like that, especially your sister.

Good luck for the future.

meritaten

I wouldnt answer the phone to her at all this weekend. Not until you have your JSA sorted out on Monday.
Its very telling to me that you said she had tried having non-family employees - and it didnt work out. MY guess is that they wouldnt put up with her! cos she thinks she can bully you - she will want you back. DONT GO!

flippin36

Thank you. Yes meritaten you are right. The staff she had never lasted more than a few months. They were of course idiots. I have a slight problem in that i have left all my makeup and my (expensive) coat at the shop. Will send OH to collect it tomorrow (coward I know).

jinky67

Feels great when you stand up to people. I had to do it once to an ex's Dad. I was so angry at the things he had said, I was shaking on the phone to him. But after I said what needed to be said I felt great, and he soon shut up after that. Think he was shocked anyone had dared to question him, and it really wasnt like me to do anything like that:rotfl:

scottish_lassy

remember, bad habits are hard to break and 38 years is a long time to be manipulated.

You've done the hard bit, now just stay with it. In 3 months you will look back and see that this was all worth it as either - you will be valued more by your family OR you will be valued more in a new work situation!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Get a different job. Whatever it is, you won't be expected to pay your boss thousands to finance their schemes. Hopefully her business will go under without you, which should be a reality check when she has to sign on and be respectful to someone for fear of sanctioning.

Don't go back, whatever you do.

And console yourself with the thought of how good it was to rip into her for a change

:T

Errata

Find a new job and make sure you're not responsible for any formal or informal loans to the business. Your sister is crackers.

JoJoB

Sue her for constructive dismissal

mrcow

That's really good news that you've made a stand.

I hope that you find a job with a company that makes you feel worthy and valued. You don't need to work for a bully - and by doing so, you're blurring the boundaries which gives your sister the opportunity to take advantage of the situation.

Good luck with your job search - just don't back down now you've come this far!