advice

spider125

In reply to globe traveller " we were not in a possition to complain her life would have been hell, SIL was the warden we live 170 miles away we only had our MIL word for things,( despite our seeing things as well) if we had complained and had her moved who would have cared for her? it was a case of better the devil you know if you get what I mean? we couldnt do a 340 round trip daily, we couldnt up sticks and move nearer ?

spider125

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I would tend to agree with previous posters....bitterness will only eat away at you.

I also wouldn't take the lack of an offer of accomodation as being a slight -if things are as bad between the two brothers as you make out, did you really expect an offer? tbh I think I would have anticapated this and booked a room somewhere.

As for not being mentioned at the service - yes I would have found this hurtful but again hose who knew the real situation would know that this was down to the 'rouge' brother

the room is suppoed to be available for Grieving Family ? we went to the funeral as a party of 6 our daughters all with us, we couldnt book rooms as unable to stay ( grandchildren at home) the room could have been offered to myself and OH to stay over after our visit to hospital ( we could have been with her)

Emmzi

It COULD have been offered but did you ever ask for help with accomodation?

as for not leaving an answerphone message, maybe they are in mourning and screening calls? they may do this for weeks. they may do this until fter everything is disposed of, thinking you didn't care enough to ask for anything, and then it will be too late.

you are just being difficult, write down a non confrontational message to leave, and get on with it while there is still time. the outcome for your husband is important here, not your pride and what you happen to think is "right".

mountainofdebt

spider125 wrote: »

the room is suppoed to be available for Grieving Family ? we went to the funeral as a party of 6 our daughters all with us, we couldnt book rooms as unable to stay ( grandchildren at home) the room could have been offered to myself and OH to stay over after our visit to hospital ( we could have been with her)

Sorry I'm confused as to what you mean - do you mean the room was provided by the hospital, so that relatives of terminal ill patients can be close at hand if need be?

if that's the case then can I (gently) ask why you couldn't have found out about this facility yourself? Again I don't want to sound harsh but even if you didn't know about the facility what was stopping you going to the area and staying in a travellodge or something similar?

If not then can you clarify what you mean about accomodation and who it was provided by?

tbh regardless of the suitability of your SIL to be warden, complaining now is going to be seen as nothing more than the actions of a bitter woman - likewise if the relatives of the other residents aren't prepared to do anything whilst their relative is there then what can they expect?

It sounds as if the relationship is totally non-existant and I think any request from you is going to be met with a blank refusal, if only to spite you.

Perhaps it might be better for your daughters to approach their aunt and uncle (or possibly even their cousins)

getmore4less

If you did not like what was happening you should have got her out of there.

You should have also talked to the MIL about her will, expectations and assets

If no property, it is likely any other assets that would need probate have been cleaned out ages ago, that leaves the possesions.

BIL has the upper hand even if there is a will unless it is with a solicitor and does not have the BIL as executor it will be hard to do anything without being there.

Unless there were some real assests and the BIL might be acting illegaly(tax man and probate office might be intereted) thre is proably little you can do,

spider125

Just to update ( this could be along post!) Everything has been disposed off, BIL 2 children got what jewellry MIL had, despte the fact she had our 4 daughters and 7 greatgrandchildren!!! BIl threw loads of obcenities at us but only words we didnt give any back, hubbie got a vase!!! OUR family photos are being returned ( at least not in bin) form arrived for husband to sign as penny policy was taken out in 1926 cheque to be payable to BIL!!! I am still not happy at the way things have been handled we are going away for a few days to try and forget about things and get on with OUR life, like the old saying "what goes round comes round!" they have to live with it and I hope it brings them great joy !!!!!

Amanda65

spider125 wrote: »

his mothers laast words to him " dont let him bully you or push you around"

spider125 wrote: »

I know my MIl would want my husband to get what he is entitled to

OP - firstly I am so very sorry for your loss. It must be extremely difficult to grieve when there is all this unpleasantness going on as well althouh it would seem that there has been a 'feud' between your OH and his brother for a considerable amount of time so I shouldn't think you are surprised by BIL's attitude.

However, if your MIL was aware of that there was no love lost between her two sons, and she was genuinely concerned about your OH missing out, she would have left a will which would have detailed what should happen to her possessions?

melancholly

well at least it's now sorted - better a quick resolution than it dragging on and on. from this point on, you also have no need to have anything to do with your BIL's family. that should at least be a plus in an otherwise difficult situation. no matter what possessions they may have decided they were fully entitled to, they can't take away any positive memories.