advice

CH27

All the aggro has died with your MIL.

Do yourselves a big favour & leave it all behind. Concentrate on you & your husband's health & future well being.

Grudges & bitterness eat away inside you & only you will suffer.

Walk away & remember the good times with your MIL.

BitterAndTwisted

You had every right to be angry while your MIL was alive and you the opportunity to do something about it. That time has now passed. Revenge isn't always sweet and the only damage that could be caused now would be to yourself and your OH. Be dignified and let these resentments and the bitterness die with your MIL.

spider125

Thanks for comments, I wish we could have done more But look at it from another angle, she lived there and if we had made a fuss her life would have been hell ? she stopped going to the common room as she was fed up of the comments others were making about the warden ( she was suspended at one point never found out why?) we sent cards to MIl she never received them, the post was left at wardens house to be distributed, we used to visit when they were away, I have worked in care industry and know it wrong the way she was treated but you can see our hands were tied ? I might sound bitter and angry, the funeral was organised NO mention of of our family HER youngest sons family ( she only had 2 sons) We have 4 children and 7 grandchildren, No mention just my OH brothers 2 children and their 2 grandchildren ! and we are not talking about youngsters who know no better his brother is 63 !!! my OH is 56 come on ?

CH27

The only person you are harming with this bitterness is yourself.

You cannot change the past so you have to let it go.

Emmzi

ask for a few keepsakes to remember her by and leave it at that.

Honestly, you sound like a bitter and twisted woman. There is !!!!!! all you can do now, the thing to do was move her into better care when she was alive. So if you want to be angry at anyone be angry at yourself for not doing it.

Are you sure hubby hasn't asked you to deal with it to stop you nagging?

What do you actually hope to achieve?

Grief does strange things to people.

Show some class and let it go.

spider125

No I am not bitter and twisted and take offence to that,as for keepsakes we would love something to remember her by but havent been offered. How would you feel to think 36 years of family photos our wedding photos, childhood photos, Army photos ( OH was in army when we met) to be binned ? Her jewellry was sold off years ago as SIL told her you dont need it get rid!!!( they went on holiday with the procceds) that included my MIL mothers rings, so angry YES not bitter and twisted I have tried to explain myself here maybe not as good as soom people would like, my children and grandchildren have some rights to be able to remember their Nan, its part of their history ?

Emmzi

So have you asked (nicely) for some keepsakes? and what reply did you get?

mountainofdebt

I would tend to agree with previous posters....bitterness will only eat away at you.

I also wouldn't take the lack of an offer of accomodation as being a slight -if things are as bad between the two brothers as you make out, did you really expect an offer? tbh I think I would have anticapated this and booked a room somewhere.

As for not being mentioned at the service - yes I would have found this hurtful but again hose who knew the real situation would know that this was down to the 'rouge' brother

globetraveller

spider125 wrote: »

we never made a fuss whilst MIL was alive as she was a resident and her life would have been made hell, what we have seen in 17 years has not been nice, but we kept silent, residents have left because of her, she was being paid to look after her own MIL but all she did was complain that we didnt do enough! we live 3 1/2 hours away so to visit in a day ( which we did regulary) was was a 7 hour round trip!!! I dont drive so OH has to drive and he reg disabled ( COPD) can you see why I am angry !!! I would do anything to have my MIL back

You had 17 years of seeing things that had not nice, so much so that residents left because of her, and you did nothing??? Not sure you have the moral right to complain now tbh.

spider125

We have tried to contact them but either they away or refusing to answer phone ????? will try again I am not going to leave a message on answer phone need to speak in person. Our DD has offered to drive up to collect IF anything is still there.