School says my 4 yr old kicked Year 6 pupil

DON79

Now I am getting even more confused!! OH has taken son to school this morning as normal and I was expecting a phonecall later in the day to find out what happened. Instead, OH has been taken to see the Head about it.

Now they are saying again that he has hurt a year 6 child... apparently the child was lying in the grass talking with his friends. My son & his friend went up to talk to him and then both ran away behind a tree. Then my son has ran back and jumped and kicked him. Then he was refusing to go for a time out at school after he did it.

I am pretty upset as this is totally out of character for him and I have no idea why he would do it... I feel like someone has influenced him to do this in a way and that probably sounds like am making excuses but it is just not what my son behaves like.

Even when he is arguing with his brother, he doesn't do things like this. If it was my younger ds I could believe it easier as he is much more impulsive.

We have decided to "ground" him from seeing his friend for 2 weeks because we feel it is really serious to stop this early on and we will have to have another chat with him. I want to ask him if someone told him to do this but then I also don't want to lead him into saying that someone did so that he uses it as a get out clause i.e. he told me to do it....

feeling a bit down about the whole thing now

rachbc

perhaps you son is venting his frustrations at being 'picked' on by a smaller kid (his brother) by doing the same to a bigger kid? He knows its not ok to go for littler ones but maybe the message he is getting from his relationship with his brother is that its ok to go for a bigger kid?

DON79

rachbc wrote: »

perhaps you son is venting his frustrations at being 'picked' on by a smaller kid (his brother) by doing the same to a bigger kid? He knows its not ok to go for littler ones but maybe the message he is getting from his relationship with his brother is that its ok to go for a bigger kid?

maybe... we always stop them fighting and try to fairly determine who did what to each other... followed by time out or sent to bed for one or both. ds2 reacts more than he thinks about things, but more often than not he runs away crying but in the past couple of weeks ds2 has been in trouble for lashing out, both at home and at nursery twice. When he has done this, he has been punished and sent straight to bed when we get home from nursery. also no cartoons/toys for a set period of time.

JodyBPM

DON79 wrote: »

Now I am getting even more confused!! OH has taken son to school this morning as normal and I was expecting a phonecall later in the day to find out what happened. Instead, OH has been taken to see the Head about it.

Now they are saying again that he has hurt a year 6 child... apparently the child was lying in the grass talking with his friends. My son & his friend went up to talk to him and then both ran away behind a tree. Then my son has ran back and jumped and kicked him. Then he was refusing to go for a time out at school after he did it.

I am pretty upset as this is totally out of character for him and I have no idea why he would do it... I feel like someone has influenced him to do this in a way and that probably sounds like am making excuses but it is just not what my son behaves like.

Even when he is arguing with his brother, he doesn't do things like this. If it was my younger ds I could believe it easier as he is much more impulsive.

We have decided to "ground" him from seeing his friend for 2 weeks because we feel it is really serious to stop this early on and we will have to have another chat with him. I want to ask him if someone told him to do this but then I also don't want to lead him into saying that someone did so that he uses it as a get out clause i.e. he told me to do it....

feeling a bit down about the whole thing now

Just chill out, these things happen, and it will blow over. Just because he has been naughty this time, doesn't mean he will do it again. You have deal with it well at home, hopefully he will have learnt a lesson from that.

Even the normally best behaved of children have an off day or make a silly mistake.

Honestly, trust me, I know how you are feeling. The first time my DS got into trouble at school I was so upset, convinced he was going to grow up into a deliquent etc. (in fact I think I wrote about it on here, it was back in Sept just a few days after he started reception!) But, like you, I dealt with it well at home, and there have been no further similar issues at school. You've had the opportunity, early on in his school career to show to him that bad behaviour at school has consequences at home, and that is a good thing.

Janepig

Personally I'd leave it as it is. Particularly as it's the first time. Leave the school to deal with it. I'm called in quite frequently about DS who is 5 and in reception, but it's mostly pretty minor stuff, bit of argy bargy with classmates, that type of thing. I wonder sometimes why his teacher is telling me some of it, but I suppose if DS were to come home and say he'd had a telling off for such and such, I'd be wondering why the teacher hadn't told me. Not that DS would ever fess up to having had a row!!

They also share the big yard for one playtime with the whole school (except nursery), and given that it's a large school with over 500 of them (not including the 60-odd in the nursery) I can only say it's been a positive thing for both my children. It's important for them to socialise with children of all ages, and the older children are encouraged to look out for the younger ones. DS has loads of "buddies" amongst the older boys, and DD (8) is quite popular with the girls in DS's class as she "teaches" them her cheerleading and gymnastics moves. It's nice because they're friends with each other's classmates too (iykwim).

Jxx

meritaten

Please hun - let the school deal with this - I know you think that grounding a child is reasonable - for the evening yes but for TWO WEEKS? Thats harsh! to a child of 4 that is FOREVER! at that age they still live from day to day and even tomorow is a LOOOOONG way off!
I am probably going to get loads of people disagreeing with me now- but thats my opinion - and I am a mum of three and a grandma of 6 and have a psychology degree. so its my professional opinion as well.

mum2twinsx2

I think you should leave it. What is done is done. Unless the behaviour continues then make it an issue.
It will blow over.
My d/d went through a similar out of character phase it soon faded it away.

dmg24

pigpen wrote: »

i'd probably have laughed at them.. a 4 y/o kicks a 10/11 y/o in the back... I doubt it... I don't think my 10 year old could kick another 10 year old in he back!

My first question would be what had the older boy done to deserve it? why was it allowed to happen and why were the staff not supervising?

If it is very out of character as you say it must have taken some provoking.. maybe your son was too scared about being in trouble and getting a telling off.

Go with him tomorrow to speak to the head or deputy or whoever it was dealt with it today and say to your son.. 'tell the teacher what happened, you won't get in trouble and I am here'

So long as he knows it is ok to tell the truth and he will be believed and not told off further.. and he knows what to do if something happens again in the future I'd let it lie.

Thank goodness the OP has a far more balanced view than you. How dare you laugh at a teacher for doing their job? You might think that your child is holier than thou, I doubt others do.

Janepig

meritaten wrote: »

Please hun - let the school deal with this - I know you think that grounding a child is reasonable - for the evening yes but for TWO WEEKS? Thats harsh! to a child of 4 that is FOREVER! at that age they still live from day to day and even tomorow is a LOOOOONG way off!
I am probably going to get loads of people disagreeing with me now- but thats my opinion - and I am a mum of three and a grandma of 6 and have a psychology degree. so its my professional opinion as well.

I agree with you! What I do if I've been called in at school is that I make DS stand with me until DD comes out (we have to wait about 15 minutes) instead of letting him play on the field with his friends. It's like his own personal hell, but it's my way of attempting to get through to him that I do get cross at having the teacher mention his misdemeanours to me on a frequent basis. Obviously if it was some serious bullying or something then I'd be more concerned, but for what I consider to be pretty much normal boisterous five year old boy behaviour, then once we leave the school after collecting DD then it goes no further.

Jxx

pigpen

dmg24 wrote: »

Thank goodness the OP has a far more balanced view than you. How dare you laugh at a teacher for doing their job? You might think that your child is holier than thou, I doubt others do.

you misunderstand entirely and your post is completely idiotic.. did you just read the one line or could you manage to read the rest as well?.. Other than highlighting the physical aspect I didn't mention any of my children at all so where you come up with such rubbish is your own little mind.. My youngest son attacked teachers several times and even broke a girls nose (which she DID deserve) so where you get your imaginary ideas from is anyones guess.

In a nutshell.. I said he was probably provoked in some way and being 4 he didn't know any other way to respond and the mum should take him in to school and support him while he told a true version of events having had it explained why it was wrong not having teachers yelling at him and making him scared.

there is no way a small 4 y/o could kick a 10 y/o in the back.. it is ludicrous... I never said I'd laugh at a teacher doing their job.. I'd laugh at the stupidity of the situation.. a 6 y/o kicked my 6 y/o a couple of weeks ago.. the highest he could reach was her KNEE.. so what this teacher is saying is a physical impossibility.. therefore laughable. Unless the 4 y/o can fly.. which I doubt the OP's son can do.

If my 10 y/o was kicked by a 4 y/o my first instinct would be 'what did you do/say to him?' and 'Oh well, I doubt you'll die.. go play'

He is a little boy behaving in a very very normal manner and I doubt very much it was unprovoked tbh.. and I think it is cruel to give him punishment at home as well as punishment at school.. total overkill.

Any punishment for a 4 y/o should be in line with their age, offence and understanding.. immediate and the same day.. not dragged over weeks that is just plain mean.. they forget about stuff in a day or 2 so beyond that is out of order.

I can't help but wonder though.. was this incident seen by staff or did the older child complain to staff? staff like to see what they see and not what happens before hand.. and there is no interest in what went on before.. I have experienced this time and time again.. when you get to the bottom it is a completely different version of events to what the staff report.