School says my 4 yr old kicked Year 6 pupil

DON79

Just collected my oldest son from school today and the teaching assistant said he had been in trouble today because he had kicked a Year 6 pupil in the back. Then when he was asked why he had done it, my son said he hated him. The teaching assistant then said my son had been to see the assistant head teacher and she said he had told lies later about what had happened.

Now I am very puzzled as he has never been in any trouble before for fighting at all. I am also really curious as to how my son, who is below average height for his age, would manage to kick a 10 or 11 year old in the back? Is it just me or would that be too big a stretch for a 4 yr old to manage?

Anyway, we got him home and sat down and talked about it. He says that he did kick him but not where he kicked him... we asked why, and he said that the other boy had been hitting him with a jumper on his legs,arms and head. My son said he did not tell the teaching assistant that the other boy was doing this.

I know that it was wrong of my son to say he hated him/tell lies....

But I have two boys and I know what my older one is like - you have to keep pushing and provoking him lots in order for him to retaliate as this is what happens when his younger brother just will not leave him alone!

as an example - my younger son has just lobbed a building block at my older son and hit him with it. My older son did not react with anger at all and was more upset at being hit so I know it takes a lot for him to retaliate...

Son no.2 is now on time out needless to say!


Not sure what to do really.... what sort of things should I be asking the school about this? first time have had to deal with this sort of thing.

peachyprice

Perhaps the yr6 boy was sitting on the floor, that would make sense as to how your son kicked him in the back.

Although I do have to wonder why yr6 and reception (?) children are playing in the same playground. Even if there aren't separate playgrounds there is usually a section for the littles to play away from the older childrens rough games.

JodyBPM

Sounds to me as though whatever the circumstances, your DS did something VERY naughty at school today. He kicked another child (which he admits to) which is naughty, whatever the provocation.

I personally would give my child a sanction to re-inforce the telling off at school, others I know wouldn't, because they would say the school has dealt with it and that is the end - it would depend on your views as to what you do. I personally like my DD & DS to know that I expect the same standards of behaviour from them at school (or anywhere else) than I do at home.

The outcome needs to be that your DS knows what he did was naughty, and doesn't do it again. Perhaps add in a bit about how he has to tell the teacher/dinner lady if someone starts being nasty to him, so that he reacts appropriately next time.

Not sure why you would need to involve the school further in this matter TBH. He misbehaved and he got told off - the school did completely the right thing IMO.

shy-but-need-help

It does seem odd for them to have year 6 in the same play area as reception.

I think I'd mention it to the school that you did get to the bottom of it and that you've talked to your son that kicking/hitting is wrong and that he should have told the teachers that the older boy was hitting him with a jumper first, it won't be the first time a little one has frozen and not told their side infront of teachers.

I think it's important that you go in and talk to them so your son knows for the future that he can put his side of the story forward.

pigpen

i'd probably have laughed at them.. a 4 y/o kicks a 10/11 y/o in the back... I doubt it... I don't think my 10 year old could kick another 10 year old in he back!

My first question would be what had the older boy done to deserve it? why was it allowed to happen and why were the staff not supervising?

If it is very out of character as you say it must have taken some provoking.. maybe your son was too scared about being in trouble and getting a telling off.

Go with him tomorrow to speak to the head or deputy or whoever it was dealt with it today and say to your son.. 'tell the teacher what happened, you won't get in trouble and I am here'

So long as he knows it is ok to tell the truth and he will be believed and not told off further.. and he knows what to do if something happens again in the future I'd let it lie.

DON79

peachyprice wrote: »

Perhaps the yr6 boy was sitting on the floor, that would make sense as to how your son kicked him in the back.

Although I do have to wonder why yr6 and reception (?) children are playing in the same playground. Even if there aren't separate playgrounds there is usually a section for the littles to play away from the older childrens rough games.

Yes that is possible - from what I can gather, this all happened while they were waiting in line before lunchtime...

They do have a separate play area but it doesn't seem that they are kept separate really.

patchwork_cat

The Y6 being with the reception child, at my DD's old school the older children were encouraged to volunteer to mentor the younger ones. They would rotate and a few of them at a time would go into the infant playground and play with the younger ones.

cross post Don

andy.m_2

I say you would sound like every other parent of a child that been told off at school if you go in and say the other boy started it.

Accept you are not happy with the outcome and set about trying to reinforce to your own Son the ways of dealing with things properly.
And possible a little assertiveness coaching may help him and his older brother.


Do not go squeeling to miss about it

DON79

JodyBPM wrote: »

Sounds to me as though whatever the circumstances, your DS did something VERY naughty at school today. He kicked another child (which he admits to) which is naughty, whatever the provocation. - I know it is naughty, the question is whether the version of events being given to me is truthful...

I personally would give my child a sanction to re-inforce the telling off at school, others I know wouldn't, because they would say the school has dealt with it and that is the end - it would depend on your views as to what you do. I personally like my DD & DS to know that I expect the same standards of behaviour from them at school (or anywhere else) than I do at home. - he has been told off for it again at home and has not been allowed to go to his friends house to play after school as was planned.

The outcome needs to be that your DS knows what he did was naughty, and doesn't do it again. Perhaps add in a bit about how he has to tell the teacher/dinner lady if someone starts being nasty to him, so that he reacts appropriately next time. - have told him he must immediately tell the teacher if someone hits him and they won't stop, that he is not to react by hitting back

Not sure why you would need to involve the school further in this matter TBH. He misbehaved and he got told off - the school did completely the right thing IMO.

I don't disagree that the school have handled this correctly - my dispute is that maybe more of the blame is being put on my son that there should be and that the yr6 child is not admitting to something they have done as provocation. I think there is possibly more to this so am emailing the school to ask for a full version of events.

DON79

andy.m wrote: »

I say you would sound like every other parent of a child that been told off at school if you go in and say the other boy started it.

Accept you are not happy with the outcome and set about trying to reinforce to your own Son the ways of dealing with things properly.
And possible a little assertiveness coaching may help him and his older brother.


Do not go squeeling to miss about it

I want to know the whole version of events - nothing wrong with that at all.

There is a huge age difference here between the boys so something has obviously gone wrong somewhere and I want to know what.

I accept my son was wrong and he has been punished/told off/been told what to do next time already as per previous posts.

melancholly

so entirely irrelevant but in my head your 4 year old is a flying ninja who did some flying spinning leap to kick over a much bigger child (and yes, i know it's completely wrong for him to have been violent, but the idea of him going for a much older kid and winning does make me smile a bit!).

anyway, he did something wrong and was told off. it's the first time so no need to panic. i do hope your son does report anyone else picking on him before resorting to violence in the future - it sounds like you've done the right thing by getting the truth out of him, just monitor whether the picking on him was a one off or is happening more often.